Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Okay, okay. I know this is like the 500th “I didn’t get a gift – do I send a card?” post. But, I really don’t know what to do.
The thing is, some of the people that didn’t give us a gift (and didn’t give a card, either) are people like my new brother in law, and my father in law and his girlfriend….. my wife’s bridesman. So these people are important to us.
I’m really very polite in social situations – I send “bread and butter” thank you notes ALL the time, I love love love giving hostess gifts…. I really do take etiquette into account in my everyday life.
I don’t want to look like we’re fishing for a gift when we’re not! We have beautiful photo thank you cards, and these people did do a lot for our wedding even if they didn’t get us a card/gift. I know my FIL and his gf would appreciate the photocard – so would the bridesman’s wife.
What would you do in this situation? My wife says we shouldn’t send them a card (but all the people are from her side… she might be slightly resentful).
Post # 3
I’ve been struggling with the same thing. Some of the people who didn’t send a gift are people who I think still might, which makes me more confused.
I’ve tried to imagine receiving a note for a wedding where I didn’t give a gift — and, honestly, I can’t see myself feeling like it was anything other than a sweet note, especially if it was a wedding where I didn’t see much of the couple… you know?
Anyway, good luck. I’ll check back here to see what others say!
Post # 4
I think it’s nice to send a thank-you if you can specifically note their contribution to the wedding. “Thank you so much for being such a supportive friend during this time; all your help, and more importantly, your presence, meant the world to us.”
Something like that?
Post # 5
I’m in the camp that believes all guests should get thank you notes. I will be sending them to everyone, gift or not.
They shared one of the most wonderful days of your life with you. That alone warrants a thank you.
Post # 6
I plan on sending out a wedding photo card (you know, the kind you print at Walgreens) to everyone who comes to the wedding. Hopefully a group photo. Thank you cards will be reserved for guests who give a gift, vendors, and attendants.
Post # 7
I sent a thank you to everyone regardless of their gift/card situation. I was genuinely thankful they spent the day with us so I just decided not to overthink it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
For all those ladies that send the “thank you for attending” cards to non-gifters…. did this “guilt” / encourage any of them to send you a gift after they got your card?
Thats what I would hate – for them to think I was basically hinting that we didn’t get a gift and then them actually buying a gift.
Post # 9
@Mrs. Eagle: I did NOT send thank you cards for people attending because I had already thanked them for attending at the wedding. I read this thread by Miss Manners and it sealed the deal for me (previously, I was intending to write them but was glad I ultimately did NOT – because while I was thankful they celebrated with me I was also bitter they did not give me a gift!)
Post # 10
Post # 11
@mightywombat: I really like this wording – it’s sincere and says thank you for something tangible (their help/support) vs a thank you note for attending (for those that only attended and celebrated)
Post # 12
I send thank you cards for a lot of things that don’t require thank you cards. I truly believe that being grateful and expressing gratitude is important.
I believe that there is definitely a way to say thank you without looking gift grabby. You could write a personal note to each person thanking them for their time and their support and name some specific things that they did or said that made your day even better just because they were there.
Post # 13
I am in the camp… that it is better to OVER THANK than it is to UNDER THANK.. or the absolute worst… NOT THANK AT ALL
Etiquette on Thank You Notes have changed “somewhat” in recent years as fewer couples are choosing to use the more formal choice of Personalized Stationery and are now opting with Themed Cards, or Photo Cards.
As your Thank You Notes feature a photo… I think it is “safe” to send them out to everyone who came to the Wedding, as well as those who didn’t attend but sent gifts, or those who did acts of kindness for you… or otherwise helped you to have a Memorable & Successful Day (so Your Bridal Party, the Officiant, anyone who Hosted something… and even your Vendors)
If it is someone you have thanked previously… it is perfectly fine to send them this card, with a brief note saying… “Thanks Again for all you did to make our Wedding so special”… adding perhaps “thought you’d appreciate the photo” (if you having any feelings of awkwardness) and then closing with “LOVE ___ & ___ “
Hope this helps,
Post # 14
No. You do not thank people again for attending. You have already thanked them at least twice. Once verbally during the reception “thanks for coming Frank, it’s great to see you”, and the reception itself is a thank you.
To continute to thank people can appear to be fishing for gifts. Thank you notes are only for gifts.