Post # 1
reading threads here and there, many people seem to send thank you notes to their guests for attending. Is this a new tradition? I’ve never read about it in etiquette books (I am no expert, but I try to improve myself).
Writing a thank you note for a gift after the wedding and combining it with a “thanks for celebrating with us” seems very natural… but a (possibly) separate card to only say thank you for coming…? Is it common to send those?
Post # 3
I think you *should* send a note for attending, whether or not they gave a gift. Most people will give a gift of some sort, so you can include the thanks for that in the same note. (unless the gift is given at a different time. whole nother story.)
Post # 4
My totally inexpert impression is that it is a delicate way of making sure that the people from whom you didn’t receive a gift KNOW that you didn’t receive one – in other words, to avoid misunderstandings if they sent you a gift that didn’t arrive. It lets them know that you’re not simply being thoughtless/lazing in not sending a thank you note, but that you simply didn’t get a gift from them.
So no, it’s definitely not required, and I don’t think anyone sends 2 separate notes, one for attending and one for the gift.
Post # 5
We’re doing thank you’s for attending b/c we had a destination wedding, didn’t register or request gifts, and told everyone that “there presence would be our gift.”
Post # 6
I read a Miss Manner’s type post about how it isn’t appropriate to send a ‘thank you for attending’ note because it sounds like you are underhandedly slapping their hand for not gifting.
I think of it as throwing a dinner party. You’d never send a note, thanking your guests for attending your dinner party.
Post # 7
Maybe if they came from out of town. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’d say providing them with a meal and an evening of fun is an adequate thank you.
Post # 8
We’re not sending thank you’s for just attending. I mean…. from what I understood the paid for reception and food and cake and “party” is the thank you for attending. I would image that unless it was a destination wedding where substantial cost was made for attendance like a pp I wouldn’t think it would be deemed necessary.
Post # 9
We sent a card to everyone that sent a gift. If they attended the wedding, we added “It was wonderful seeing you at the wedding and thank you for sharing our special day.” If they did not attend the wedding we added, “I’m sorry you weren’t able to join us on our special day; you were missed.”
I agree with @mightywombat:. We also sent a card to people that attended, but didn’t send a gift just to make sure they knew we didn’t recieve one. Not because I wanted a gift, I truly believe that their attendance is gift enough. We wrote, ” Thank you for coming to Virginia for the wedding. We know it was a considerable expense of time and money, and we are truly grateful that you were there. It was wonderful seeing you and thank you for sharing our special day.
Post # 10
@oracle: I agree!
Everything I have read says it’s not required and the favour is also a thank you to the guests who came. I probably would send thank yous to everyone if it were a destination wedding, or if someone had to travel far. I hope that I get a card from my guests though, even if they travelled.
Post # 11
We didn’t do that. I don’t expect to get one if I don’t bring a gift (which actually doesn’t happen b/c I always bring a gift to weddings). Plus, I just wasn’t organized enough for that. I wrote thank you notes as I got the gifts before the wedding, so I didn’t have a list of people who I already wrote them to.
Post # 12
If you didn’t give anything, I’m not sending a note. Notes take time, if you couldn’t take the time or money to give a gift, and if money is an issue a CARD at least… then I’m not going to take my time to write you a note.
“Thanks for coming” will be said verbally night of, that’ll have to be good enough for you.