Thank you note question….advice please

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Send a card anyways??
    Send it thanking them for celebrating with you : (19 votes)
    54 %
    Send it thanking you for generous gift : (0 votes)
    Wait it out...too soon : (10 votes)
    29 %
    Dont send anything and dont ask anyone about it : (6 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @masterteee2013:  you would still thank them for attending, no matter what. I would thank them for sharing in your special day and talk about how much you enjoyed having them there. 

    Post # 4
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    @masterteee2013:  Thank you notes are for gifts.  It can be seen as fishing for gifts to continuously thank someone for coming.  First you thanked them with the reception itself, then you thanked them in person for coming, so to keep saying “no but really, we thank you for coming” is redundant.

    Given that this is a professional contact, I would do everything by the etiquette book. 

    Post # 6
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would wait it out. They may be sending one after the fact and it’s only been a week.

    I agree that sending a thank you note for their presence is redundant. If you do decide to send a note, definitely do not thank them for the generous gift when there isn’t one.

    Post # 7
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Hold out a little longer – some people send gifts a little late. I had the same problem after my wedding and ended up receiving several gifts a few weeks after the wedding. I was so relieved because I KNEW these people wouldn’t not give a gift, and I didn’t want anyone to not receive a thank you card for something they sent! 

    Post # 8
    4402 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @andielovesj:  +1

    Don’t just thank them for coming, and definitely don’t thank them for their “generous gift” when it’s likely they didn’t give you one yet. Sometimes people don’t bring gifts–you’d be surprised! 

    Post # 9
    2694 posts
    Sugar bee

    I sent both a hand written “Thank you for the generous gift” card and a picture card that said “Thank you for attending.” So people who gave a gift got two cards.

    Post # 10
    6166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    you do not send thank you cards for just attending a wedding.

    maybe they haven’t sent a gift yet.  however, if they did and don’t receice a thank you or want to inquire about an uncashed check, they will probably call.

    then you can say you never received it.


    Post # 11
    2100 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Oooh. This is tough!

    I would wait. You’ve just been married 12 days. That’s not even 2 weeks. If by the middle of July you get nothing, thank them for celebrating with you. I would not thank them for a gift that is not in your hands. If they notice you didn’t thank them for a gift they gave you, that might prompt them to ask if you got it. Then you can be honest and say no.

    Another possibility, is that they ordered a gift that was backordered and either didn’t pay attention when they purchased it or didn’t read the email notifying them as such. I think I saw one of my items backordered for over 90 days at one point. Even though it was in red, it’s still possible someone could miss it. Maybe that’s what happened. They bought a gift to be delivered straight to you but it’s backordered. I used to work at a place where we could  look up customers by name and see what they got someone, in such cases as yours. I’m not sure if your places have that option, but it might be worth checking!

    Also, wedding gifts aren’t automatic. I know there are many people out there that adhere to this way of thinking…they consider themselves guests to YOUR big event. No matter the budget. I’m not suggesting this is for certain what happened, but you never know.

    Post # 12
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    wait and see if something comes in the mail. if you don’t want to seem rude to someone in your career life jic you lost their gift, you can send them a vague thank you card in a couple weeks.

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