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I would definately send her a card thanking her for her gift and help with your wedding. I would keep it short and polite, wish her well and then move on. She deserves thanks for what she did, but as you said I wouldn't say anything more to hash up old feelings.
How about this:
Dear A,
Thank you so much for _____________________ at our wedding - you were an important part of an amazing day and I'll never forget that.
Its unfortunate that our friendship has come to an end, but I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself.
Sincerely,
MamaHusky
@mrskesslertobe: I'll ditto this. Keep a thankyou general but still thank the person. That way no one can blame you.
Im sorry your going through this! Personally, I would send her one, if she lashes out and tries to contact you, just ignore her. Since she did help you a lot with your wedding I would definitly send a card.
I think you should definitely write a thank you note. I would keep it to what she did on your wedding day/gifted you guys and not mention any of your issues since then. I don't think mentioning the fallout has any place in a thank you card (and would probably just encourage her to contact you again).
This would be one case where I'd buy a pretty generic thank you card and send it off with just your signature. No need to make a list of everything she's done...just sign it.
@LGenz: Completely agree:) Do not bring up the fallout stick with what you are saying thanks for.
I wouldnt write her one. I wouldn't want to think about all the time and effort I put into someones wedding - and now we aren't friends. I think writing a thank you card will make you feel better, but it woud just hurt her... if that makes any sense. That might just be me though...
@Captain013: I'm the opposite way. I'd prob be thinking "and that B didn't even write me a thank you card!"
@LGenz: Hah...I'm with you. Despite the falling out, I'd be pretty angry if I didn't get a thank you card!
@LGenz: lol to each her own :) The thank you would rub salt in my wound - and make me think hey maybe she wants to be my friend again. And for the record I am all for thank you notes. :)
on a side note who kept the doliys? They take forever to make.
Send the thank you as that is the right thing to do, do not include the fall out stuff.
She kept them...during the fallingout she said she would finish the blanket but tgat it didnt hold any meaning anymore, that itstead of the love it was supposed to represent, it was now just a sad reminder of how things ended up". I told her i didnt want it anymore....i was pissed and hurt and angry and it wouldve been a sad reminder to me as well. So i told her to do what she wanted with them....
Thanks for all the input...a very simple generic card is probly the safe choice...but what Captain013 stated is exactly how I fear she would take it, like rubbing salt in her wound or thinking Im trying to be friends with her again...hence why Im torn...
@MamaHusky3: Thanking her for her help is important, but if she kept the gifts that she gave you (including the money), and if you thanked her profusely for her help and gave her a gift, I think you can skip a card.
@Captain013: I think I agree with this. I would normally say to write a thank you under any circumstance, but if I found myself in A's position - not knowing specifics, of course - I'd probably think of the thank you as a slap in the face on top of everything else that went down.
OP, if you are going to send one, I would do what other PPs have suggested and keep it as generic as possible. In this case, though, I'd probably just let it go. If she resents you for not sending one, it really can't make things worse since your friendship is over anyway. But sending one could make things temporarily worse.
YES! send her a thank you card. NO, don't mention the fall out.
even if you dont' think so now, this kind gesture could bring you both back to a better place. maybe not as close as before, but better.
It's the right thing to do.
I would send her a sincere thank you card. You can even detail what you are thankful for that she gifted and did for you. Don't mention or allude to your falling out and leave it at that. To drive home the point that it isn't a friendship anymore, you could even sign it, Sincerely, Mrs.________
i agree with the above posters.. send her a brief (not generic) thank you card. thank her for what she did to help you with the wedding, and thank her for the gift. i wouldn't mention the falling out part- just becuase if you have no interest in becoming friends with her again, that could give her the impression that you want to try to patch things up.
@MamaHusky3: Why not send a simply worded thank you card that is signed by both you and your husband? The fact that your husband signs it too may help in keeping it focused on the formality of a thank you card, rather than focusing on the falling out.
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So I'm back with an etiquette question.
I had three bridesmaids all of whom (even though I called the one my MOH) I considered to be all my MOHs....they each held a special place in my heart and were very VERY important people in my life. Two of them I have been friends with since the 8th grade. The third, "A", I had been friends with for a few years, and beginning around the time I started dating my now husband, her and I became super best friends and almost did everything together....
When it came around time for my wedding, all three of them were the best bridesmaids/friends a bride could ask for. "A" had handmade doilies for my centerpieces and was going to make a blanket out of them after the wedding. She also stayed with me the night of the wedding to get last minute projects done and she was a super great help with getting things set up on the day of. She gifted me the doilies and also included a cash gift in her wedding card to us.
I mention all this because "A" and I are sadly no longer friends. I don't want to go into detail but basically back in September, crap went down between her and me and my husband and I believed my husband over her, which caused our friendship to diminish. I still care for her but I think the situation is something that simply cant be forgiven and forgotten and quite honestly, I don't want to be friends with her ever again, despite the great times and great friendship we once had.
**Just wanted to note that is was not cheating or anything of that nature. It was a very serious matter however, nonetheless.....
I've had a busy time since the wedding and have finally gotten around to the Thank you cards....and I'm torn with what to do in regards to her. And so I turn to the hive, to help me once more and gain some opinions....I don't want to chance sending her any form of communication and then her lashing out at me or reopening any wounds,etc....but then again, I don't want to not send her one, and act as if I'm not grateful for her helping me and being there for me during that time, and also in turn cause more drama if she finds out that our mutual friends received cards and not her.....what would you do?