Post # 1
I’m sure she meant well, but FMIL got me thank you notes as a Christmas present. I can’t help but to wonder if she thinks there is something wrong with my thank you note etiquette? I did send out thank yous to the engagement party a little late (2 weeks!). I also never sent a thank you note to them after spending a weekend in their home (FI told me not to worry about it though).
Again, I’m going to try to believe that she’s just trying to help. But this made me curious, is it good etiquette to give someone thank you notes as a gift?
Post # 3
@sweet5k: It could be a thoughtful gift with no hidden meaning and it could be a pointed reminder.
For future reference, I wouldn’t listen to your FI regarding when to send thank you’s to his family. Not doing so isn’t going to reflect poorly on him but on you.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t read into it too much. 2 weeks isn’t all that late to me.
Maybe she just figures you’ll need them and at least you’ll get some use out of them.
Post # 5
@sweet5k: I wouldn’t read anything in to it. I’m sure she just thought getting you some nice stationary would be a nice gift – maybe she just had no idea what to get you?
Post # 6
@sweet5k: Nah I wouldn’t read into it. I’ve honestly been thinking about how much I wish someone would have bought us thank you cards as an engagement gift…it would have helped a lot. At least it’s useful. I’m sure she just thought it was something that you would use and wouldn’t have to buy.
For the future, I fully intend on giving my friends who get engaged a basket that consists of: thank you cards, stamps, a nice pen, and a return address stamp. This would be the BEST gift ever in my opinion! haha
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about it. One lady got my very ugly Thank you notes from Tuesday Morning. I said thank you and tossed them when I got home. I don’t know why she thought I needed them because I told her I got beautiful cards printed out but it’s the thought that counts.
Post # 8
@Zhabeego: I see your point, the reason I listened is that he said I should see myself as “family” and not a guest. Which means I do things like cook dinner, do the dishes etc, but don’t do things like send thank you notes. I do always bring something for them when I come but he felt a thank you note would be an awkwardly formal thing for their FDIL to do. I’d love to hear others input on this. When you visit in laws or future in laws do you act more like a guest or like family?
@MRSsrm85: thanks for your advice! I agree that it most likely came from a good place it’s just hard for me not to worry.
Post # 9
@sweet5k: I can’t imagine ever sending thank you notes to his family for anything other than the wedding. They would find it overly formal and it would create a divide between “them” and “me” that’s not really there anymore. I think that if you treat them like your family, then don’t send thank you cards to them unless you’d do that for your family too.
Post # 10
What if you’d rather use pro photo thank yous? It’s a little presumptuous of her but probably there’s no hidden message.
Post # 11
@sweet5k: I got some gorgeous thank you notes once from a friend and never thought any of it. I wrote thank you notes up until I got married to my DH, I dunno, though I’m relatively young I just love the tradition of thank you notes and I usually write them to anyone who hosts me or does something nice.
Post # 12
I think she was just being nice. My future grandmother in law got me some too. I’m thankful because I’m going to need those. Lol
Post # 13
She probably thinks you’ll need them for upcoming random wedding-related gifts (showers, unexpected gifts, etc).
Post # 14
I find that gift to be quite odd.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t be worried about it. I’m sure she’s just thinking that you’ll need some for your upcoming wedding events. Especially if she doesn’t know you that well she probably racked her brain to think of things you needed. My MIL got me the same present and I was excited.
Post # 16
I agree with PP, don’t read too much into it. I got a few Thank You notes for my niece for her birthday, her Sr. year of HS. I knew she would be getting checks, cash and regular gifts for graduation from random relatives. She used up all 24 before her graduation party. It’s something you don’t thnk to get when you’re out running errands, so it’s nice to have some around.