(Closed) thank you notes/gifts — HELP!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do about my thank you notes dilemma?
    Only send thank you notes to people who gave gifts : (19 votes)
    44 %
    Send thank you notes to everyone, regardless of gifts : (23 votes)
    53 %
    Send thank you notes to everyone, but find a nice way to ask if their gift was misplaced. : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1045 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2008

    There isn’t a polite way to ask if they’d given you a gift.  If you make no mention of a gift in your thank you note, and the people HAVE given you a gift, they will probably call/email you back to see if you got it (to make sure it didn’t get lost in the mail, get separated from the card, etc.)  If they didn’t give you a gift, your note will probably remind them to put that back on their to-do list.  Some people wait months to give a gift, believing that you have a full year after the wedding to send one (this isn’t proper, but is definitely believed out there).  And you’ll see if you read through any other Weddingbee gift posts, some people just never give gifts at all.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would definitely not ask them if their gift was misplaced.  There have been many weddings that I have gone to where I didn’t want to bring the gift because it was out of town, or have decided to do a more personalized gift that wasn’t on their registry that took longer to get.  I would just thank them for being a part of your day!

    Post # 5
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I really don’t believe that you need to send thank yous for attendance, since you most likely thanked them for coming in person and then fed them.  You really can’t ask if someone gave a gift, because it looks like you’re calling them out if they didn’t.  I know that one of my guests bought a gift for me that got backordered, and when she didn’t recieve a thank you, she asked me about it, at which time I was able to tell her I didn’t get it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I don’t think you need to send a thank you note for attendence. That’s why you fed them and usually give them favors.

    I think guests upon not recieving a thank you would inquire…

    Post # 7
    Member
    3979 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I kind of disagree with the statement that a guest would inquire if they haven’t received a thank you note for a gift…  I went to a wedding last year & I didn’t get a thank you note at all. I just chalked it up to bad manners- I’m positive they got my gift.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with sending a thank you note to all your guests who attended your wedding, regardless of a gift, but you cannot ask if their gift was misplaced. If they didn’t give you a gift- it would embarrass them greatly & you don’t want to do that!!

    Just thank them for coming to the wedding! By not mentioning a gift, sirens will go off & they will ask if you received their gift.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2470 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I disagree about not send a thank you for attending.

    I think it just decent manners to take a moment to hand write your gratitude for guests being there. Don’t worry about asking if they gave a gift… I’m sure they’ll check if it isn’t referenced on the note.

    Post # 9
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I went to a wedding last year & I didn’t get a thank you note at all. I just chalked it up to bad manners- I’m positive they got my gift.

    If you gave it to them in person, definitely true.  If you mailed it, there could be mail issues (I had so many of those while I moved!)

    I also think that a reception is a thank you.  You bought them a meal, possibly drinks, possibly a small favor, and thanked them personally.  A thank you note is a thank you for something they gave you.  Their presence was acknowledged at the time.

    Post # 10
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I don’t think you have to write thank-yous to people who didn’t bring gifts, though you could if you wanted to.  The reception was your thank-you.  Definitely do not ask anyone if their gift was “misplaced”.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1120 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I also agree that there is no need to send thank yous to people who attended and who you thanked in person, given that you talked to them personally, gave them a favour, provided food and drink, etc.

    It’s a personal thing, and if it makes you feel better, go for it – too mayn thank yous is never a problem! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee

    I am still sending thank you cards to those who did not give a gift and asking each one of them if they were the ones who gave us the mysterious glass flutes as gifts.  I figure it’s the least rude way to go in asking them if they got me a gift.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    sent thank yous to people that attended that did not bring gifts.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    You definitely are to send thank you notes to people for attending your wedding.  They made the effort to support you and took the time out of their lives to be with you on your wedding day.  THAT should be thanked – regardless if they purchased you a gift.  No one is required to buy you a present, even though it’s a social norm to do so.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I voted send everyone a note. I was invited to my cousin’s wedding earlier this year, and didn’t give a gift. I feel bad now! But at the time I was thinking “Oh, I come under dad’s gift/it counts as a family gift”, even though I got my own invitation and am grown-up enough to know better! Anyway, she sent me a thank you card nonetheless and I was very touched, it was a lovely gesture 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would send everyone a thank you note.

    I am sorry you didn’t get your gifts from everyone though!

    The topic ‘thank you notes/gifts — HELP!’ is closed to new replies.

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