(Closed) thank you to a rude guest?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Although a thank you note isn’t required, I would still send one if you want to try to salvage the friendship.  Basically, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Post # 4
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmmmm I am torn. A thank you would be kind of false if you aren’t really thankful. . . On the other hand, it is proper etiquette to send all guests a thank you note.

If I were you, I wouldn’t because she did not follow proper etiquette and if you truly feel jaded about it, it would be kind of weird to send her a false thank you note. When it comes out that you are upset about it, it will be weird that you had sent one in my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

I would send her a passive-aggresive thank you. Thank her for coming but make sure to subtly add in everything you did for her 😉  Obviously she probably won’t pick up on it, considering she had no issue taking advantage of your hospitality all weekend, but it would make me feel better just to write it and get it out of my system.

Post # 6
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I hate rewarding bad behavior, but I would send her a generic thank you card.  Put this aside for a few days and if it still bothers you I’d bring it up with her.

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure what your friend’s age/financial situation, but maybe she didn’t get you a gift because the plane ticket was all she could afford? That would be kinda crappy, but forgiveable.

If you’re confident that she could have afforded both, I would still send her a thank-you, but I certainly wouldn’t gush. A short “We’re glad you could make it to the wedding” would be fine imho!

Post # 8
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m confused.  Did she get you a gift?  If not, no need to send a thank you.  Thanking guests for attending your wedding is what favours (and dinner/drinks/an evening of entertainment) are for.

Post # 9
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We didn’t send thank yous to people just for attending the wedding, we figured feeding them and giving them drinks was thanks enough for coming to the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah Id say, No thank you needed if no gift… and especially not if its a false thank you….  I say give yourself some distance from her and revisit the situation after youve been able to think it through more… you may just be able to talk to her

Post # 11
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would either not send one, or send a passive-agressive “Thank You & You’re Welcome” one– shame on me.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m in the “passive-aggressive” camp too.  I’d get a very generic thank you card from Walmart or something, then just sign your name on the inside.  No personal note, nothing.  Just your name.

Or don’t send one.  Not that she’d notice.  What a mooch!

Post # 13
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think if anyone is deserving of a TY, it’s you.

I wouldn’t send one but that’s just me.  We only sent them if they got us a gift so technically she’s out.

Post # 14
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Will you be sending thank you notes to other guests who did not get you a gift? If so, she should not be an exception, and deserves a thank you note. Personally, I would not go the passive aggressive route. If you really have an issue with how she has acted, bring it up with her in an adult conversation, and give her a generic “thanks for celebrating with us” card.

 If you don’t plan on giving thank you notes to others who didnt give you a gift, I don’t think she should get one either way. 

In all honesty, even if she acted poorly, she should be treated the same way you treated other guests. So if all other guests got one, she deserves one too, in my opinion, despite her bad behavior. There is a way to bring up her poor behavior properly, but withholding a thank you card is not it. 

Post # 16
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m fascinated by this new trend of sending thank you notes to people who didn’t buy you a gift. You already fed them and hosted them at a great party. Why are you going on to thank them for coming? It seems a bit silly to me.

Honestly, when you host someone at a party, old school etiquette says they owe *you* a thank you. Obviously that’s silly for a wedding. But you get my point.

No gift = no thank you. Save the postage. 😉

The topic ‘thank you to a rude guest?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors