Post # 1
I had a friend who flew out for our recent wedding. We picked her up at the airport, drove her around to her hotel (after she sat at our apartment on my computer and still didn’t print out a map/directions), paid for a night in her hotel, and drove her to the wedding. She in return, did not get us anything and did not so much as say ‘thank you’ for any of what we did for her that week. At this point, I am still kind of jaded and need help. Should I still send her a thank you note for coming to the wedding?
Post # 3
Although a thank you note isn’t required, I would still send one if you want to try to salvage the friendship. Basically, two wrongs don’t make a right.
Post # 4
Hmmmm I am torn. A thank you would be kind of false if you aren’t really thankful. . . On the other hand, it is proper etiquette to send all guests a thank you note.
If I were you, I wouldn’t because she did not follow proper etiquette and if you truly feel jaded about it, it would be kind of weird to send her a false thank you note. When it comes out that you are upset about it, it will be weird that you had sent one in my opinion.
Post # 5
I would send her a passive-aggresive thank you. Thank her for coming but make sure to subtly add in everything you did for her 😉 Obviously she probably won’t pick up on it, considering she had no issue taking advantage of your hospitality all weekend, but it would make me feel better just to write it and get it out of my system.
Post # 6
I hate rewarding bad behavior, but I would send her a generic thank you card. Put this aside for a few days and if it still bothers you I’d bring it up with her.
Post # 7
I’m not sure what your friend’s age/financial situation, but maybe she didn’t get you a gift because the plane ticket was all she could afford? That would be kinda crappy, but forgiveable.
If you’re confident that she could have afforded both, I would still send her a thank-you, but I certainly wouldn’t gush. A short “We’re glad you could make it to the wedding” would be fine imho!
Post # 8
I’m confused. Did she get you a gift? If not, no need to send a thank you. Thanking guests for attending your wedding is what favours (and dinner/drinks/an evening of entertainment) are for.
Post # 9
We didn’t send thank yous to people just for attending the wedding, we figured feeding them and giving them drinks was thanks enough for coming to the wedding.
Post # 10
Yeah Id say, No thank you needed if no gift… and especially not if its a false thank you…. I say give yourself some distance from her and revisit the situation after youve been able to think it through more… you may just be able to talk to her
Post # 11
I would either not send one, or send a passive-agressive “Thank You & You’re Welcome” one– shame on me.
Post # 12
I’m in the “passive-aggressive” camp too. I’d get a very generic thank you card from Walmart or something, then just sign your name on the inside. No personal note, nothing. Just your name.
Or don’t send one. Not that she’d notice. What a mooch!
Post # 13
I think if anyone is deserving of a TY, it’s you.
I wouldn’t send one but that’s just me. We only sent them if they got us a gift so technically she’s out.
Post # 14
Will you be sending thank you notes to other guests who did not get you a gift? If so, she should not be an exception, and deserves a thank you note. Personally, I would not go the passive aggressive route. If you really have an issue with how she has acted, bring it up with her in an adult conversation, and give her a generic “thanks for celebrating with us” card.
If you don’t plan on giving thank you notes to others who didnt give you a gift, I don’t think she should get one either way.
In all honesty, even if she acted poorly, she should be treated the same way you treated other guests. So if all other guests got one, she deserves one too, in my opinion, despite her bad behavior. There is a way to bring up her poor behavior properly, but withholding a thank you card is not it.
Post # 15
Thanks for the advice! It has been good to hear different opinions and viewpoints! I do think I am going to send her a short thank you for at least making the trip, but I don’t think I can let things go unnoticed – especially because my sister is getting married next year and this “friend” has already asked what day the wedding is so she can take off work…(without a verbal invite from my sister)
So…thank you all again!
Post # 16
I’m fascinated by this new trend of sending thank you notes to people who didn’t buy you a gift. You already fed them and hosted them at a great party. Why are you going on to thank them for coming? It seems a bit silly to me.
Honestly, when you host someone at a party, old school etiquette says they owe *you* a thank you. Obviously that’s silly for a wedding. But you get my point.
No gift = no thank you. Save the postage. 😉