Post # 1
We had a couple (and others) that came to our wedding who didn’t give a gift. We attended their wedding just a few months earlier and gave a pretty decent amount of money. We did recieve a very generic thank you just a day before our wedding. A couple of the other guests also didn’t give a gift but they also traveled far to come so we understand. This couple didn’t have to travel. Also her parents paid for her wedding and my husband and I paid for ours. Do I even send a thank you? If so do I mention that their gift might have been lost on the way? I am offended, do they even know how rude that is that we just went to theirs!?! I know they still have more time to send something but we have seen them a few times and there has been no mention of it.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t bother sending a thank you until (if they ever) they give a gift. I try to go by the rule that unless a gift is given, there’s no need for a thank you. The exception I made was for one family member and one friend who each had to travel quite a distance but didn’t give a gift.
Post # 4
I think of it as good etiquette to send a thank you no matter what, if they came to your wedding. It will just include a much shorter note since you can’t tell them how much you appreciated their gift. I basically put something along the lines of “Thank you so much for coming to our wedding and sharing our special day with us. It was great to see you and we hope you had fun.” Just something to thank them for taking the time to be there. Maybe when they receive their thank you they will realize that they didn’t give you a gift.
Post # 5
They have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, says etiquette. Also, wedding gifts are NOT MANDATORY. You do NOT get a prize for pledging your life to another person. IT IS NOT A GAMESHOW.
Honestly? I would send them a thank you note anyway. It seems as though you are trying to find petty reasons as to justify not sending them one. (I ask – does it REALLY matter who paid for whose wedding? What does that have ANYTHING to do with giving gifts and thank yous?)
Send them a quick thank you note for coming to celebrate and share in your day with you and how much their presence meant to you. No one says you have to be 100% truthful; it’s called being polite, gracious and tactful. As the hosts of an event it is always good manners to thank each guest for coming, WHETHER OR NOT they gave you an expensive hostess gift!
I don’t mean to berate you or give you an etiquette thrashing, but it is an super pet peeve of mine to hear brides complaining about not getting a gift for an event that they threw to celebrate themselves as a couple. The people you invite for that event *should* be there because you wanted them to witness the joining of two people in love, NOT because you were expecting to receive gifts from them. And I HAVE to add: you have no idea what their financial situation is truly like; why are you judging them? Do you have a copy in hand of their last bank statement that we don’t know about?
Post # 6
I would definitely send a thank you no matter what.
Post # 7
i understand why you are offended. i know we are not supposed to expect gifts and all that etiquette has to say about them not being “mandatory”. but for something like this, you can’t help but feel like “huh”. it WOULD have been nice of them to get you gift just because you got them one too!!! i get it. you will have people on here berating you for “expecting” a gift. but i understand you are human and have feelings, so i am validating those for you.
as for the thank you note. i would do it. i understand why you don’t want to, but i think that is all the more reason to send the note…..and like someone else said, maybe it will get them thinking that it WAS a little *rude* to not get you something….and i say this not because i think you should be trying to get them to get you a gift. its not really about the gift. its about the fact that you went out of your way to do it for them, why couldn’t they return the favor.
Post # 8
I had the same thing happen to me and I was married the day after you 🙂 I just sent out thank you cards to everyone and enclosed a group picture of taken at the end of the wedding. I am not expecting anything, but maybe the thank you card will remind them that they didn’t send/give you a gift. I mean how can you not love getting this picture?
Post # 9
I wrote them a thank you, thats not the issue. Yes I am offended by their actions but I and not going to stoop to their rudeness. I was told I should mention about their missing gift and I think that might be more rude than not even sending a thank you.
I didn’t want my wedding to be a gameshow. We didn’t have that large of a wedding and were not planning on inviting this couple. We explained the small wedding and they still insisted on being invited. We didn’t have a lot of money to even have this wedding but thought our wedding should still be a day a celebrating. I did send thank you’s to a few people that didn’t give any sort of gift but did come from some distance to celebrate which means the world to us.
It does matter who pays for the wedding because it’s is free money for the couple who didn’t have to pay towards anything. I wasn’t looking to make money off of this. I was just hoping to cover a small fraction of what we spent.
Even so, it’s not the money. We don’t need any sort of expensive gift, but a card would have been nice. So after I spent all that money going to their wedding, getting a gift and paying for their food and drinks, they couldn’t even give a card of well wishes is my point. So why should I buy a card to thank them?
ps. there was a little too much snarkiness from bebefly, your a little quick to judge my dear. You can keep that to your self. thanks
Post # 10
It might not be polite to show up empty handed, but it happens. No one, regardless if you gave a gift at their wedding, is obligated to get a gift or card. It is nice to at least give a card, but it’s not an obligation on the guests’ part. No one can force you to invite them to your wedding – you could very well have stuck by having a small wedding and not sent an invite. Who paid for their wedding and your wedding should not matter. There were guests who attended our wedding and didn’t give a gift or card. I sent thank you notes thanking them for their attendance and for sharing our day, because that it what matters. And, DH and I paid for our wedding ourselves. We still didn’t expect gifts.
Post # 11
I would send a not like “thank you for coming” but not a hinting on not giving you gift. Actually if a couple pays a lot for resto and other enterteiments for guests, of course they expect to get smth (usually money gift) to compensate their big expenses. We all are not millioners. But if such situation happened better to be polite and not trash your wedding day with a scandal.
Post # 12
Some people follow the rule they have a year to give a gift. I’d hold off otherwise you may end up sending two, and frankly who wants to do more work then neccessary.
Post # 13
i would never hint about a missing gift in a thank you card…that seems extremely rude.
Post # 14
@dempc: No, its not necessary to thank someone just for anding your wedding – you don’t thank someone for accepting your hospitality – the hospitality is the “thank you.”
However, it would be extremely rude of you to mention their lack of gift. Wedding gifts, while customary, aren’t owed.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand perfectly whey you feel slighted but their poor manners wouldn’t excuse yours. Wait and see what happens – you can always just cool the relationship.
Post # 15
I would send a thank you, for sure. I would never mention a lack of gift. Just thank them for attending… but not adding anything else should be enough. If they did give a gift, they will wonder why you didn’t mention it, and then lead to them approaching you. You never know their situation. You ended up inviting them and they came. Maybe a gift will come late, maybe not a all. It’s just something that you kind of have to go in knowing there is a possiblity that could happen. I always give a great gift, but that’s me. Everyone is very different from each other… don’t we know this because of this site?! 😉 Don’t let it bother you too long, it’s too much negative energy… It’s not worth it!
Post # 16
I think of thank you’s as having 2 purposes: Thanking people for attending your special day AND thanking them for a gift. If someone didn’t come to my wedding but sent me a gift, I would still send them a thank you for the gift so I guess if someone came but did not give a gift, I would still send a thank you for coming.
I agree with you for being offended because even if don’t give a gift, why couldn’t you give a card.