Post # 1
Background: My father is not a great person, so we’ve had no relationship and no contact for almost 10 years. We felt obligated to invite his side of the family and him. For some crazy reason he felt this meant he was going to walk me down the aisle- uh, no way. We were “encouraged” to let him know this, so my now-husband and I spent over an hour coming up with the perfect wording to try and spare his feelings, but still be clear that he was not walking me down.
Even still he caused a big stink at the wedding. He showed up right as they were closing the doors for the ceremony, and I’m told he yelled “You can’t start without me, I’m the father of the bride!” He had also printed out the e-mail we sent him and made a show of it to his entire side of the family. He made a stink face all day and would “refuse to look at me” and turn his body away when I passed up and down the aisle (made for a lot of ruined photos). When I went to talk to him at the reception the only thing he said to me was “Well, I’m about to get going kiddo” and “What kind of dog is Lucy (our pup)?” He gave us $25 and a card with just his signature as a gift.
I know that things could have been a lot worse, but still. I know I’m “supposed” to be grateful that he gave us any gift at all, but to be honest he kind of tarnished my memories, and that sucks more than anything he did. I’d rather he had not come, and sent no gift than to come try and ruin our wedding. I’m sure there are those who’d say I cut him out and deserve what I got, but there are so many awful things he did to my mom and to us through the years, that had I not invited him at all it wouldn’t compare to the things he did.
My question is, how do you write a thank you to someone who acted so badly to me and at our wedding in general? My thoughts were to be as brief as possible “thank you for coming to the wedding, and for your gift. Thank you for thinking of us” or something? Is that too bland, or even too generous? My heart hates to imply anything he did was nice, but I also don’t want to come off as the bad guy.
Post # 3
I think what you have is perfect!
Post # 4
Yep, that’s what you say! You don’t owe him anything other than that. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I sincerely hope that you were able to enjoy the majority of your day and are crazy happy with your new husband!
Post # 5
Your Father = my Mother-In-Law. My Darling Husband decided to use reverse psychology in her Thank You card. It was full of pukable things like “It was wonderful to have you”, “Hope you had a great time”, “We enjoyed visiting with you”, etc. I couldn’t get past the “It was wonderful to have you” because I was too busy throwing up in my mouth so I’m not sure what else he wrote. Did it work on her? Probably not.
Of course I would have rather wrote “F You. It would have been so much better without you.”
Maybe give yourself to let the wound heal so it isn’t so fresh?
Post # 6
I’m so sorry he did that to you on your wedding day. The wording you have for the thank you card is perfect. Generic and to the point.
Really, though, I wanted to comment to commend you for being the bigger person for inviting him to the wedding in the first place and then sending him a thank you card. You’re a good person!
Post # 7
I think what you wrote is perfect. I’m sorry things didn’t go as planned.
Post # 8
I would duplicate the version of the card he gave you– just Thank you in the middle with your own signatures. Its exactly what he gave you so its exactly what he should get in return– and I sincerely hope you are insanely happy despite his man-hissy fit.
Post # 9
Sorry your dad acted like a turd at your wedding. I think what you wrote is perfect for a Thank You card. Short & thanks him for the card.
Post # 10
That sucks. I’m sorry you had to go through something like that – but it doesn’t seem like your dad’s behavior was all that surprising to you. I completely understand not really being thankful, but your gut feeling is right. Just a simple note of thanks makes you the polite person – unfortunately, you can’t change who your dad is – you can only be responsible for how you act around him and treat him.
Post # 11
Thank you SO much for all of your help, it really means a lot to me!
@pendola- You have NO idea how much I want to write something nasty, but I think it’s better to be the bigger person. So far, it’s been almost three months, I’m sure though in a few years I’ll be glad I did the right thing, and didn’t act like, well, him.
@Stormala – that is also a good idea. Thanks!
@lilybay – thank you so much, that really, truly means a lot to me!
@MissHelen and others- Yes, what he did sucked. No, we did not let it ruin our day. He may have tried to ruin it, but he didn’t succeed, and in time I’m sure it will be a distant memory, and the happiness of the day will far outshine it.
Thank you again, ALL, SO MUCH! *HUGS*
Post # 12
@alohababy28: Personally, I wouldn’t send a thank you card. Or if I did anything, I’d just write “thanks” on a piece of paper and put it in the mail.
I am still trying to figure out if I will invite my mother, but reading your story has given me more to think about. I can see the same thing happening.
Post # 13
I know where you’re coming from on this!
I think your wording is perfect, or, as someone suggested, just get a card that says thank you in the middle and sign it.
I’m currently deciding whether to invite my estranged father to the wedding. He’s not invited to the reception, no matter what, but I thought I might let him in the church. I know exactly how you feel, and how frustrating and upsetting it is.
The best thing to do is just laugh it off, and recognise how it shows what a petty person he is, that he can’t be happy for you in your life. You’ve got your life together, don’t let him spoil it even a little bit.
We laugh a lot about how ridiculous my dad was at my brother’s wedding
Post # 14
I am so sorry that your father did that on your wedding day. Every daughter deserves better than that (((hugs)))
Since he was so short with his card, I would keep it short with yours. What you have is good, and you are a better person about this than I would be, and kudos to you for your patience, class, and grace in this situation. I, being the fiesty girl I am, would probably simply write “Dad, Thank you for your time and gift. signed, sweetpea” but what you have is better.
Post # 15
You are definitely right…you can look back and think/know YOU did the right thing.