Thank Yous Before the Wedding

posted 7 days ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6807 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You should send thank you cards as soon as possible after opening a gift regardless of whether or not the wedding has happened yet.

Post # 3
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

shyqueen12 :  I would send the thank you card as soon as I receive the gift. I’m Type A though…just the thought of being strapped to a chair writing 100 thank you notes because I let it pile up on me, makes me want to break out into hives.

Post # 4
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Send thank you’s asap as gifts arrive so that the sender knows you received.  

Also, I know you did not ask but many brides have this follow up question:  no, you should not send a second thank you after the wedding as the reception IS the couple’s thank you for guests attending the wedding.  

Post # 5
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I sent cards out as soon as we got the gift. It lets the person giving the gift know for sure that you received it. Plus that’s one less card you have to write after the wedding!

Post # 7
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

I sent thank you notes for all gifts that were mailed to the house before the wedding. I’ll probably end up sending another once I have some made with one of our wedding pictures.

Post # 8
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

My opinion differs from the other bees. I sent ALL thank-you cards a week after the wedding, regardless of when we received the gift. Etiquette says you have a year to write thank-you notes, and I wanted to include anecdotes from our wedding in the thank-you cards (e.g., our friends’ daughter played tag with our nephew all night, and it was so adorable).

Post # 9
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

ecampbell :  this is incorrect. Etiquette says you have a year to SEND a gift. It is incredibly rude to cash someone’s cheque and then ‘thank them’ a year later.

you should open the gifts, not use them (in case you need to return them), and send a prompt thank you. 

Post # 10
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

jellybellynelly :  Based on my research, I disagree; the sources I’ve seen say that you have 3 months to a year to send thank-you cards. I did not mention anything about checks; we received one check prior to our wedding (one week ahead), and we did not desposit it until a couple of days after the wedding, along with the other checks we received.

Post # 11
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

ecampbell :  Just out of curiosity, what country are you in and what sources have you learned this from? Emily Post is kind of the gold standard in the US:

http://emilypost.com/advice/wedding-thank-yous/

“Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period in which to write their notes.”

Post # 12
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

strawberrybee9 :  I live in the US, and Emily Post is where I got the 3 months from. (I have seen other sources stating up to a year, but I would never wait that long, although a few of my friends have.) Anyway, even if the OP received gifts recently, if her wedding is in September, and she sent thank-you cards right after the wedding, that would still be within the 3-month period. Personally, I wanted to thank my guests not only for their gifts but also for attending our wedding and making it a memorable experience, which is why I suggested sending thank-you cards after the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

shyqueen12 :  Good luck making the decision! I don’t think you’d be wrong either way.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee

Thanks for any gift should be sent before you go to bed on the day that the gift was received. Since some guests do not know that wedding gifts should be send to the bride’s home prior to the wedding — in fact, parcels should never be carried to any formal event — you will doubtless receive some guests at your wedding reception itself; and etiquette cuts you some slack to enjoy your honeymoon before dealing with those gifts. When you return from your honeymoon, consider those gifts that were received at the reception to be “received” on the day that you open them. Write the thank-you note for those gifts as soon as the gift is opened and before you use it, and before you open another gift. If you have a very long honeymoon and a very large number of presents brought to the reception, this could conceivably take three months: if it looks like it’s going to take longer than three months then get some help or cut your honeymoon short.

Thank-you notes for attending the wedding are properly sent from the guest, to the hostess who invited them to the reception. If you want to include a mention of the wedding or a cute photo-card, and to say how much you enjoyed seeing someone there, then you may write them a lovely social note at your leisure, in addition to the thank-you note that you sent out promptly.

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