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Thanks for calling me fat and unhealthy :(

posted 5 months ago in Wellness
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    1.
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    Bees, I just need some sympathy today. I have gained a good amount of weight this year (medical issues preventing me from exercising) and I'm pretty sensitive about it. I was always underweight, so I know some of the weight is warranted. But, my frame is just not meant to hold this weight, and you can tell. My SIL took some pics of me and the hubby, and I was showing them to a friend of mine, and she commented how great hubby looks (which I agree with). I asked how she thought I looked, and she was quiet and asked if I wanted her honest opinion, to which I said yes. She said that I could stand to lose a few around the middle, and said that my medical issues have probably gotten worse because of the amount of weight I've gained/the unhealthy choices that I've made. I appreciated the honesty, but I'm hurt. I mean, I have really bad arthritis in both feet, so exercise is not really an option at this point. I eat healthy, and actually probably don't eat as much as I should because of the meds I'm on. It kills my appetite. I really don't know why I'm letting it get to me today...

    Thanks for making me feel like a fat ass :(

     
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    Wonderwoman217       Augusta, Georgia

    @MrsSl82be: It could be an issue with your medications. Have you asked your doc about it? Maybe he/she would have some suggestions.

    As for your SIL's comments, meh, take 'em with a grain of salt.

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @Wonderwoman217: yes, I am actually switching meds that will aid in the pain. I got a couple of Groupon fitness deals, so I am hoping that once I'm no longer in pain most of the time, I'll be able to get into fitness classes.

    And you are right, I don't know why it bothers me the way it does. It was actually a friend who said it, not my SIL. And she tends to be judgmental, so i shouldn't be surprised.

    I think I'm just in a funk right now, and adding to the pity party

     
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    MrsMeNow    September 18, 2010   Wisconsin

    @MrsSl82be: Don't let her comments get you down. You asked and she gave you an honest answer in the most kind way she could. It sounds like you have had a tough go of it lately and you are doing the best you can. Do you think swimming might help? I have heard it is a good form of excercise that can help arthritis symptoms improve, not sure if it would help in the feet though?

     
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    Wonderwoman217       Augusta, Georgia

    @MrsSl82be: Oh, sorry 'bout the SIL/friend mix-up. Guess that's what I get for reading too fast, lol. 

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @MrsMeNow: thanks! I know, I know. I usually have a tougher skin than this. And luckily, my husband loves me just as much.

    I actually hadn't thought about swimming. I'll have to look into an indoor pool around here since its now winter and too cold outside to swim. Thanks for that!

     
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    Aure    October 6, 2012   Las Vegas

    @MrsSl82be: Why did you press her to answer if she's judgemental? I would just brush it off.

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @Wonderwoman217: no worries. I have the same problem. My eyes read faster than my brain can comprehend, so I usually lose a couple key words :)

     
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    SusieInTheSunshine    June 21, 2013  

    I understand why you are hurt and that was somethig very difficult to hear. It was probably very difficult for her to say something like that as well. I would take the advice of a previous post and ask your doctor about this.

    I have a good friend that works at a wellness clinic in the Tampa area that works with people in similar situations. (i.e using meds) and they work with them to determine holistic (non medicated) ways to deal and/or resolve the medical issue. I would look into your area and see if there is something available to you. The only thing about her clinic is insurance does not cover it so it can be pricey, (about $8K for the whole thing) Depending on your situation it may be worth it.

     
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    wbninja    August 21, 2010  

    Oh wow, so sorry to hear what you are going through!...if you really have bad arthritis, I would highly recommend some form of yoga (I like the hot yoga "Bikram" specifically)...I have degenerative arthritis in my spine, and this is the only exercise that keeps me feeling good!  Plus the hot yoga makes you feel like a rockstar after working so hard, which always helps with the self-esteem. :-)

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @Aure: I have no idea, dumb idea on my part. I keep looking at the pic and thinking that I don't look THAT bad for the amount of weight I've gained.

     
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    Lillindy    September 2008   Bay Area, CA

    Like others have suggested, I would talk to your doctors about your meds and see if they can put you on anything that wouldn't cause so much weight gain.

    You mentioned not make the best food choices, maybe they can refer you to a nutritionist or dietician who can help you with that? And not being able to exercise, maybe they can refer you to a physical therapist who can teach you exercises that you can do without being on your feet, I know there's actually quite a bit you can do. Actually, have you ever seen the lady on TV who does all kinds of exercises while sitting in a chair?

    As for how your friend made you feel, I'm sure she didn't mean to. You pressed her to answer honestly, and when she finally did, she upset you. I'm sure that wasn't her intention, but she was in kind of an impossible situation where she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.

     
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    Aure    October 6, 2012   Las Vegas

    @MrsSl82be: It really just sounds like she was being bitchy. If you think exercising and talking to your doctors would make you feel better physically, by all means go for it, but don't let this girl bother you.

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @SusieInTheSunshine:  I have looked into it, and its about $4-$6k and not something we can afford right now. But thanks for thinking of me :)

    @wbninja:  I am actually looking into it right now. I have heard good things, and am hoping that it would work for me. Good to know that another arthritis sufferer says good things about it

     
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    dallasbride2012    April 20, 2012   Dallas, Tx

    Have you tried water areobics?

    I know it sounds crazy...but they have "deep" water and shallow water. I would recommend the deep water for your arthritis, because you aren't standing on your feet. Its not about swimming (though also a great form of total body excersise) its different. For deep water you can either wear a floation belt, or sit on a noodle and you "jog" around the deep end and do other areobic excersises (ex. resistance band training) in a low gravity (zero g) setting. You aren't treading water to keep yourself up so you don't have to worry about that. The floation belts keep your chest and head out of the water (like a lifejacket) but give you better mobility and freedom.  

    It may be a really good starting place for you to get back into, and work your way up to swimming laps.

    HTH

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @Lillindy:funny you say that, my therapist suggested physical therapy to me just the other day! Something else I hadn't thought of, and I am hoping to get into the same place I had PT years ago after my foot surgeries. No, I haven't seen her, maybe I can look on Youtube?

     

    @Aure: agreed. I do want to feel better, and I think that ultimately, better nutrition and getting back into shape will also help with the arthritis. I'm sure losing a few lbs would help with the pain

     
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    Lillindy    September 2008   Bay Area, CA

    @MrsSl82be: Yeah maybe she's on YouTube! It would be an easy and free option that you could do from the comfort of your own home! 

     
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    Cash000    December 2, 2011   Canada

    Whata witch. Honestly, there was no reason for her to say that. She could have said something nice about your hair, eyes, skin, whatever. She did not have to call you out. I'm sorry you feel bad about yourself. :(  I hope you get better soon!

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @dallasbride2012: Another thing I hadn't thought about, and I do know what you are talking about. That might be a good option. I'll have to look into some classes at one of the gyms around here that have pools. I think the deep water would be a great option for me

     

     
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    barbie86    August 2, 2014   London, UK

    I don't think she meant any harm; I think she was just trying to be honest, and is perhaps genuinely concerned that the extra weight could be exacerbarting your health problems (it can make arthritis worse for eg; and some foods can exacerbate certain conditions). But I can understand it was horrible to hear, especially if this is a result of health issues.

    I would definitely look at swimming and other water-based activities, as they're non-weight-bearing and can be suitable for people with conditions like arthritis. I had bad pain from endo last year, and was extremely limited physically (being on my feet, let alone any form of exercise, really took it's toll), but I found swimming fine, and actually quite soothing and relaxing.

    I would also look at any medications you're taking, as some are associated with weight gain or difficulties losing weight. Check out the side effects, or see your doctor to discuss this; if there could be a link, they might be able to suggest an alternative.

    Do also look at your diet. IMPO the best way of doing this is by keeping a food diary. Record literally EVERYTHING that you eat; that includes say, butter on your bread, milk in your tea/coffee, etc. If you make the wrong choices, you could be consuming way more fat and calories than you should be. Although there are exceptions, generally speaking if you consume fewer calories than you expend, you SHOULD lose weight, so by adjusting your diet you should be able to shift some weight if you feel you need to. As an example, when my diet is bad, I will skip breakfast, have something like a ham or cheese sandwich with white bread for lunch, followed by crisps and maybe some fruit, then a dinner of something like pasta, and I'll drink about 10 cups of tea with milk, plus a couple of glasses of Ribena; I might also have a takeaway twice a week, plus drink wine a few nights a week. This doesn't sound much, but I will put on weight/not lose any weight. Whereas if I have a breakfast of cereal with milk/eggs, followed by fruit, a mid-morning snack of fruit and a yoghurt, lunch of a sandwich with brown bread and tuna and salad, with more fruit, then dinner of maybe pasta with home-made tomato sauce/a baked potato/a huge veg and chicken stir-fry with noodles or rice/a home-made curry, followed by another low-far yoghurt, cut down on tea, and drink sugar-free drinks, I easily lose 3 pounds a week. Yet, I'm eating more. So I would look carefully at what you're eating and try to make adjustments.

     

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