Thanks, honey, for messing up the guest list….

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@HannahGrace:  Unfortunately, I don’t believe there is any polite manner in which you may rescind what, essentially, was a verbal invitation issued by your FI to these two couples. 

Perhaps you will have some declines from among the 42 guests who currently are on your list, and the fact that your FI has invited these four individuals — if they are even able to attend — will not create any additional expense for you.

Post # 5
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Screw etiquette, it’s your small wedding and you don’t want strangers. I would tell them it was a misunderstanding and your only inviting very close friends and family. I’m also having a small 60 person wedding, so I can understand how tricky this would be! 

Post # 6
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@HannahGrace:  I think the topic of wedding would have come up whether they would have been invited or not. That being said, have you sent out invites? It sounds to me like you haven’t, which might be your saving grace. Just don’t send them an invite, and they won’t be invited. Granted, they got a verbal, but things change during planning, and perhaps you can tell them that you weren’t able to accomodate extra guests at the wedding after you got more into the planning.

Post # 7
Member
817 posts
Busy bee

Why can’t you just not send them an invite or real save the date?  If both couples will be getting engaged/married soon they’ll probably be busy and might not notice you didn’t invite them… or if they do notice have your fiance tell them it was his mistake and maybe everyone should go skiing together after everyone’s married to celebrate?  Honestly, if you have less than 50 people you’re inviting to the wedding I would stand my ground on this.

Post # 8
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If they’re not close to you, they probably won’t think it’s a big deal. And if they do, maybe you don’t want to be close with them? 

Post # 10
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@HannahGrace:  Ugh, I would be SO mad if I were you. Forty guests is a SMALL wedding, and I don’t understand how your FI could be so clueless as to invite people who are just casual acquaintances. 

 

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to rescind an invitation, which is what your fiance offered them. I disagree with PPs who are advising you to just not send an invitation. Doing so would be a serious insult. If someone did that to me, I would be very offended and it would probably end our friendship.

 

It would be one thing if you legitimately didn’t like these people and didn’t mind essentially telling them to screw off. But it sounds like, although you aren’t particularly close, you do like these people and probably don’t want to do irrevocable damage to the friendship.

ETA: If you aren’t that close, they might not even come? But I wouldn’t count on it.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@HannahGrace:  And I apologize for making an incorrect assumption. Sorry about that. 🙂

However, I agree with your last sentence in post #3.  Unfortunately, I don’t think there IS a polite way to do that.  🙁

Post # 12
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

@HannahGrace:  There is no polite way, but if there’s no room then there’s no room and he’s going to have to tell them that. It might affect the friendships, but it sounds like you weren’t that close to them anyway. He should apologize profusely and explain that it’s a small wedding with only 40 people invited, and he hadn’t realized that the space is literally maxed out.

Post # 14
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We had a small, private wedding as well (51, including us), only family and close friends, no random dates.

At first DH went a little guest list crazy and starting telling every Tom, Dick and Harry he’d like them to come. I had to be the “bad cop” and shut it down saying no, our wedding was very small and there just wasn’t room.

In the end, our day was perfect. It was just the right amount of people and the right mix of people. Any random friends would have felt so out of place.

Don’t be afraid of making the hard decision (or forcing DH to rescind and say sorry but no), I think you’ll be really happy you kept it small!

 

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am old school, which is, the only invitation to a formal event is the expensive printed one that comes in the mail. In the days of old where people got engaged and married in 6 months to a year, this was sufficient. Now, with weddings a year or two later, the save the date is an invention that can complicate things.  in your case, neither STD nor formals have gone out, and it is ugly, but verbal invitations are not binding, this goes as well as idle Facebook and text mentions.  There is a reason we spend so much money on the paper invitation. 

 

It is awkward now, in that your future husband has to somehow say, oh dear, I did not check with my lovely fiancée before speaking of our wedding.  She has let me know that the guest list was set for family only and we should plan to spend some time together after the wedding is over.

Edit.  The “forgot to check with spouse” is an acceptable excuse all through married life,

 

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