Post # 1
I could use some insight. I work a regular 8-4 and will have Thanksgiving off. DH’s job is very demanding as he works for the state and he will have to work Thanksgiving. His shift is from 2pm-10pm, and he is regularly mandated to work a non-optional second shift due to call outs and staff shortages. With it being the holiday, it is very likely he will be mandated, and would end up working 2pm on Thanksgiving until 6am the following day, leaving me alone for basically the whole afternoon and entire evening.
My family lives 2 hours away and they want me to come home for the holiday, even if DH can’t come along. They argue that he’ll be working anyway, so I should just come for dinner instead of being alone. Rationally, I know this makes sense as there’s no legitimate reason for me to be here while DH works. I guess I’m just struggling with the fact that it’s our first holiday season as a married couple, and I can’t help but feel bad for thinking about leaving to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family while DH is stuck working at a job he hates :/
What would you do? Am I making too big a deal out of it? Should I go see my family or stay home while DH works?
Post # 3
Have you talked to your husband about it? What are his thoughts?
I know that if it were me and it was reversed, I would want my husband to go spend time with his family. Why not stay home until he has to go to work and then leave to spend time with your family? Two hours is a manageable drive! 🙂
Post # 4
@weatherbug: I plan on talking with him about it tonight, and I would definitely want to spend the morning with him before I left. I guess I’m just in the boat of “we’re married and a package deal” and don’t want to feel weird at a big holiday without him there.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)
I agree with @weatherbug! Spend the morning with his family and then drive to spend the afternoon/day with yours! Best of both worlds! 🙂
Post # 6
What I would do is probably spend the morning with him and then head to my families around noon. That way you are still spending the holiday with him but you also get to see your family.
Post # 7
I know this is probably the best decision. I’ll talk to DH about it tonight and as long as he doesn’t feel weird about it, I’ll probably have dinner with my family. I know he’ll tell me that he’d rather have me see my fam than be at home alone on Thanksgiving.
Post # 8
I would probably spend the morning with him, then go have supper with your family, spend the night, and come home early (with leftovers!) so he can have a day after Thanksgiving feast when he wakes up.
My family also lives about two hours from us and I’d do the same. Or sit around feeling sorry for myself with pumpkin ice cream. Tough call, actually.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@Lana_Rose: I would for sure plan to stay home until DH goes to work. Will you know before that if he will have to work the 2nd shift?
Post # 10
You shouldn’t feel bad spending a holiday with your family without him, why should you sit at home alone while he is stuck at work? Have a nice breakfast/brunch together in the morning then head off to see your family when he goes to work. Not really a big deal.
Post # 11
@Lana_Rose: Go see your family. DH should understand.
Post # 12
I’d first ask my husband. But it’s likely that he doesn’t want you to sit in an empty house while he’s at work. Second, I’d just drive over, have dinner, and come back in time to greet him at home and bring him some leftovers from your parents. A two hour drive is short enough to go for just the evening even though it might not be ideal/.
Post # 13
@hisgirl10: No, he usually doesn’t know until the last hour or two of his shift. When he doesn’t get mandated, he’s home by 11pm, and either way, I’d be home by then. My family wants to eat at 4:30, so I’d have plenty of time to get back home before DH did if he doesn’t have to stay at work.
Post # 14
I think what you’re having a problem with isn’t so much how to split the time between his family and yours but coming to terms with being alone now that you’re married.
Yes youre a unit, but this is YOUR family that you spent a lot of holidays alone with before DH ever came into the picture, I’m sure. Don’t lose your identity or ability to do things on your own just because you’re married now.
Post # 15
yes, you’re making too big of a deal out of it. and yes I would go.
Post # 16
@Lana_Rose: I agree with PP – spend that morning together (maybe have a big home cooked breakfast or something 🙂 and then go spend the rest of the day with your family. Sorry you guys have to spend the holidays apart!! 🙁