- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2016
Disclaimer: the situation is fairly complicated, but bear with m. I will do my best to be clear
It’s not just about THanksgiving, but Thanksgiving is what’s bringing it up…
I will be my Fiance’s second wife. He has a beautiful daughter with his previous wife and she is 6 years old.
From the get go my fiance’s family has been resistent towards accepting me. Even after I moved in with my fiance they used to not invite me to family events and dinners. This ticked off my FI and he let them have it, so now they go through the motions with m, but I still sense resistence. Honestly, in my opinion we are just VERY different people who do not naturally click together. Pair this with the fact that I am woman #2 and we get the resistence.
My fiance’s ex wife has grown distant from their daughter since the divorce. She lives with us durring the week and sees her mother on the weekends. However, her mom tends to give up her time with her daughter for one reason or another at least half the weekends. She does not attend events at her daughter’s school or parent teacher conferences, she does not pay for clothing, and often times doesn’t even have food for her at her apartment. FI and Ihave at times needed to pack his daughter meals in a lunchbox for the weekend when she has gone to her mom’s.
FI’s family has expressed their dislike of the ex-wife since the divorce and how they do not aprove of her life choices and behavior towards their granddaughter.
However, the ex wife goes to dinner at their house every week, my FI’s mother does her laundry, FI’s father pays for her car repairs, and on and on and on
I get a bit personally hrt by FI’s parents’ behavior, but I grin and bear it for the most part so as not to create drama.
However, it really angers my FI.
FI has expressed to his parents that he really wishes that they would just let her drift away and not allow her to remain so close to the family unless it is an event around their daughter (ie her birthday, Christmas, you get the gist)
They invited her to their Thanksgiving this year which made my FI really angry. To the point where he for a second decided that we would do our own Thanksgiving. He gets upset with how his parents treat me in comparison to how they treat his ex-wife and also dislikes going to family events and having her ALWAYS be there. TO him it is one thing if it their daughter’s birthday, in which case of course her mom should be there for her. However, holidays like New Year’s Day, in his mind she should not be invited to, because she has her own family. I tend to agree.
Fi does not understand why am not more upset about thanksgiving. Should i be? In a lot of ways I am numb to his family’s disregard if me, but it does hurt how they treat the ex, who they supposedly dislike, in comparison to me.
In my opinion it isn’t worth the drama of addressing, but my FI disagrees and finds it very disrespectful.
Is it worth addressing the future in-law’s behavior? Or is it better to just go with the flow? I hate familial drama, but I don’t want to set myself up for an entire life of resentments building up towards my in laws.