(Closed) that’s just bad etiquette!! ;-)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I must say—I’ve heard the word “etiquette” more during my engagement than I ever have in my whole life. Lol. I agree, sometimes this etiquette nonsense gets pretty ridiculous, but I still find myself wanting the answers to all my etiquette questions! Although some etiquette is silly, I still appreciate doing what is considered polite. My FI actually opened somebody else’s wedding invite the other day (with the registry card inside) and said to me ” ooh, you wouldn’t like this—what bad etiquette!” So while it is pretty silly, it still hits home!! Lol.

Post # 4
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Be ready for the wrath of the etiquette police! I did find it amusing.

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think many of the “rules” are silly too, but you’d be surprised how many of the older generation still abid by them.  Unfortunately for me, my FI’s grandmother is one of them.

Post # 6
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think etiquette is important, but I also think that the etiquette rules of our parents are not always the same as etiquette today. After all, etiquette is the accumulation of social wisdom about what is and is not polite. Some things change. Generations ago, it was impolite for a MoB to throw a shower because she would be seen to personally benefit from hosting it, but that’s not the case anymore. That’s no longer an etiquette rule, but you parents or grandparents may not be up with the times, even though this change has been in the process for decades. Furthermore, some of the things people claim are bad etiquette are not. It’s actually proper etiquette to alert your guests to special needs regarding shoes or clothing. What is rude is it dictate exactly what they have to wear, not recommendations of what types of things to wear or avoid wearing. Following up on RSVPs is etiquette-conscious, too, not a breach of etiquette. Many times, when people talk about etiquette, they actually mean tradition. A bride wearing white as a virgin is tradition, not etiquette, for example.

Post # 7
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@mrsSonthebeach:  This! “I think etiquette is important, but I also think that the etiquette rules of our parents are not always the same as etiquette today.”

Post # 8
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Love this! We did put registry cards in our invites (and yes I know it’s bad etiquette lol). It’s funny though how people who can be oblivious to etiquette in so many was but a wedding comes along and they know everything about it.  I mean come on, proper etiquette is to answer every invitation with a written RSVP, send thank you notes promptly, and be on time for events.     I don’t even want to think about how many of thes. “rules” are broken by my friends at different times.  

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@SherylAA:  Well based on what you posted, you are making fun of something that you don’t really even understand.  Many of the things you try to make fun of aren’t against etiquette or good manners.

1. Oh no you can’t put your registry information with your invitation omg its so rude to tell your guests about it!!!!!! nooo you wouldn’t want them to actually use it right.?? No way that’s bad etiquette!!


Well this one actually is an etiquette violation, and with good cause, IMO.  It will never be polite to imply gifts are a required part of attending.  You invite people because you want them there, not for their presents.


2. Or… don’t tell your guests that they might be more comfortable in a certain type of shoe or clothing. We wouldn’t want our guests to be more comfortable at your outdoor wedding. That’s bad etiquette!!


There is nothing wrong with letting your guests know that the party will take place on grass and that heels may sink in.  Not a violation.  But to tell people to not wear jeans, or to imply they wouldn’t know how to dress without your guidance, it not polite. 

3. Uh hell no! don’t you dare tell your future in-laws that you don’t want to invite uncle franks boss and twerpy kids, no way I don’t know this boss of his and I don’t have the extra money for them  Its not like its your day or anything… oh no that bad etiquette.

Again, nothing wrong with saying no to inviting guests you don’t want to (as long as you are hosting).  Why you think otherwise, or that any etiquette authority would require you to invite a guest because someone else wanted you to is a little nuts.  You don’t have to invite anyone.  You dont’ have to invite your own mother, or father, or sibling if you don’t want to.  All while being perfectly polite.

 4. You did what? I don’t think its appropriate to ask the people you invited to your wedding (and paying their meals) for their RSVP, oh no I don’t need to know who is coming and who is not so I can make sure everyone has enough food  haha that’s just bad etiquette!!!


Obviously not rude to ask people to RSVP.  Guests should know better.  And should acknowledge your invitation without a jazzy little card, but there is certainly nothing wrong with expecting people to reply in one way or another.


Maybe I am just not understanding your post.  But I don’t see how things like not inviting people you don’t know, or expecting people to RSVP, or helping your guests to be comfortable could even possibly be a violation of politeness.

 

Post # 10
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sadly, although I totally agree with your post and laughed…I’m following all of said etiquette. I agree that until a wedding comes around, it seems that so often no one knows/cares about proper etiquette but once you hear “wedding” all of a sudden these things matter. SO MUCH. 

Post # 11
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My  mother despises ettiquite…she hates when I even use the word. LOL. For me, it’s just guidelines to consider when I’m not sure the right thing to do…but in th end, you know your friends and family best.

 

Post # 12
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Etiquette can suck it. I’m going to be doing things *MY* way, and I trust I have the common sense not to offend those people I know, provided they do not have a stick up their ass. And if they are going to be *SO* offended because I decided to do this or not do that, then I probably don’t want them at my wedding anyway.

Post # 13
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I try to avoid the E-word all together, and rely on common sense. Before I do something, I literally ask myself “Would this piss me off?” prior to going through with it. If I’m unsure, I ask family and friends. 

Although I am certainly the bride who told guests how to dress. All 40 of them have heard the “black-tie theme” lecture like a broken record. It’s close family though, so they’re basically forced to love me regardless of my dress code.

Post # 14
Member
7339 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I giggled!!!! I think I have broken 60% of etiquette rules out there hihi

Post # 15
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

word.

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