- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
I have a self-proclaimed control freak in my wedding party, and as I’ve finally found the bridesmaids dress that I really want, this particular maid has taken it upon herself time and time again to tell me what I need to do. And I know that she means well and she’s just trying to help, but she is driving my pretty batty sometimes.
I’ve been looking at dresses for them for months. I’ve already been to David’s Bridal, and to be honest, I just don’t fit in there. I tried on dresses for me while I was there and I only really like one for (for $2500, no thank you), and every bridesmaid dress I liked while we were there was at least $200. And I’m not doing that to my girls. Not to mention, I’ve been to DB a few times before, for weddings, proms, and other formal occasions. And every time I always get the worst service.
My Maid of Honor, this Over-Helpful Maid and I all live in the same state. But my other three bridesmaids are in three other states. So I thought buying online would be easier for everyone and found some great convertible dresses on etsy that I absolutely love. You can make a bazillion different styles, and I think they’re just fun.
I’ve kept everyone in the loop via facebook messenger and asked my ladies what they thought about the colors and styles. When she said she was wary buying online and that I should look at DB I said that I understood but that I really don’t think there would be a problem buying online. I also told her that I wanted them to have something that they might wear again. She found me another dressmaker on etsy, with actual wedding photos of her dresses and a slightly higher rating as well as a larger selection of colors and shades. At this point I was really happy that she was on board.
Then I get a long email from her regailing the story of her friend’s wedding, and how her friend was trying to get her to wear something that she just didn’t want to wear, but it wound up looking good on her anyway. She goes on to tell me that because her friend just told her to do it, she did it and it was much easier. Then she send me pictures of her bridesmaids dresses and he friend’s bridesmaids dresses, and that maybe I should “follow her lead.” She goes on to tell me that I’m wasting my time by trying to find a dress that all the maids will wear again, because “no one wears a dress they’ve worn in a wedding again.” Maybe me and all of my friends below the poverty line are just different. She insists that because you associate the dress with the wedding, you just don’t feel like wearing it again. Never felt that with any dress I’ve bought for a formal event. Ever.
In short, she tells me to stop trying to please everyone. And really I’m just trying to keep everyone informed and make sure they’re comfortable paying $85.00 for a dress they may only wear once. I don’t think it’s such a big deal to ask for their input for colors they’ll feel okay standing in for 4+ hours.
Even if all of them didn’t want to wear the dress again, I wanted to make sure they were comfortable paying for it.
As many of my girls have said they’ll wear clown suits so long as it makes me happy. But she continues to say that if I’m picking the dress because I like it, fine, but if I’m picking it to make people happy then I should pick another dress. I just don’t understand why it’s such a bad thing that I’m asking for their opinions on something THEY’RE buying.
I took a deep breath and wrote back to Over-Helpful Maid that I did really like the dress, that I picked them for a reason, that I thought she would look really nice in it at my wedding, and that all I wanted to know is if she’d be comfortable wearing and buying it. That seemed to end it, as she replied with “Okay, as long as you know what you want.”
Yes. I know what I want. I just told you. She’s my friend, and I love her, and she does have some valuable wedding knowledge. But she just kind of vomits it to me without asking if I want the advice or insists that I “NEED” to do this, that, and the other. Ugh, it’s just exausting. Since she’s been busy with her new baby, she’s been doing it less, but I’m worried that as we get closer, as I make more and more decisions, she’s going to have something to say about the way I’m doing it.
If something like this occurs again, I’m passing it off to my MOH. I have WAY too much stuff going on to be worrying about this crap. But it’s still just kind of irritating.
Thanks for letting me vent Bees.