(Closed) That’s a nice idea… but no thanks.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
46154 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

When I read al the posts from brides whose families aren’t excited at all by the details of the wedding,it’s a pleasure to read your post.

They might even come up with something new to you that you like.

Just appreciate their interest, and carry on and do what you want.

Post # 4
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We complain when they don’t care enough, we complain when they care too much.

Smile, you are obviously surrounded by a loving and supportive family. Hear out the suggestions but stay true to your vision. No one will be upset everyone just likes to add their own imput to things!

Post # 5
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

So far we’ve only dealt with the guest list. My parents had no requests regarding the guest list besisdes that I invite my Grandma who lives in Italy, even though she probably cannot attend (Which I totally planned to do anyway), but my FI’s family had so many people they wanted to bring that our guest list went from 50 people to 100 really fast lol. 

I agree with PPs, be happy that they’re so excited! However, as a people pleaser myself, I can understand how you’re not looking forward to having to tell them “no” one day.

Post # 6
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yea, I got engaged at my parents’ house. So when my mom came home and found out, she immediately began planning. My SIL came that night, and she immediately began planning as well. The madness has not stopped ever since that moment. Ugh. But honestly, I’m not scared to let them down though. I guess I would be if it were my fiance’s family… but they are on the opposite end of the spectrum. They don’t care and haven’t mentioned anything ever since we got engaged. Oh well ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Do you like any of their ideas? It would be nice to go with some of them b/c then they might help you more since it was their idea. It sounds like they are really interested and will be happy with whatever you choose. I’m sure they are jut trying to help the only way they know how, by giving you ideas. They would probably really like it is you used them to bounce ideas off of. Or you could have them help you make decisions based on things you picked out like your top two ___.

Just remember that you have a good problem to deal with! My mom made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to talk about the wedding at all. She didn’t want anything to do with planning the wedding. My dad thought I should elope and reminded me that weddings are overrated and not worth all of the money and fuss. My DH’s brother got married a few month after we got engaged. There was tons of excitement about their wedding, but they got pregnant with the first grandchild right away and babies always trump weddings so there was no excitement for my wedding. SIL even planned the baby’s baptism 6 days before my wedding.

Post # 8
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

I have to agree with some of the other posters that this might be annoying but this is a better problem that having family who wants nothing to do with your wedding. My FI’s family isn’t into any sort of wedding reception and although we’ve been trying to really make it easy on them, they really don’t want to be any part of the attention and it hurts him.

Post # 10
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yea–FI’s mom is the same way. She basically wants our wedding to be just like hers 30 years ago. It was a lovely wedding (judging from the pics at least, seeing as how I wasn’t alive at the time), but our tastes definitely diverge from hers. My tactic has been saying, “Oh, that’s something to think about,” and then, if it’s not something we want to do, just doing our own thing. Works OK.

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@o0olibelulao0o: Ugh this was the worst part of the planning!! DHs family would give “ideas” nonstop and never back down! It was so annoying!!

Post # 12
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Our families are like this too! Some of their ideas are great and others, well, not so much. I’ve learned to have it in my head what I want (which adds some pressure, but it’s better this way) so that I can say, “that’s a great idea to have plastic cherub decorations all over the lawn. We are actually planning to have hanging lanterns, iron cast chairs, and I’ve seen a few outdoor rugs I like… what size rug do you think for that area under the tree?” etc.

It’s a little deceptive, but I’ve also learned to never ask an opinion unless you truly want the advice!

Good Luck!! It will be a lot of fun to plan and they might even give you a great idea ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Smile and nod and say “Ooh that’s a nice idea. I’ll talk it over with FI and see if he likes it” and then never speak of it again ๐Ÿ˜‰  My mom was full of “great” ideas because she thought I was doing too much, taking on too much, whatever her issue of the day was that was “too much” so she kept suggesting things I had zero desire to do. Soon enough I decided smiling and nodding worked well. She just wanted to be heard and that’s totally fine, it just takes 10 minutes of your time ๐Ÿ™‚ It’ll be fine!

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