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So yesterdays situation of my mom freaking out about paying for my sisters dress - that has snowballed into a much larger situation now. I'm sorry if it's long, bear with me I really need some advice.
Before I explain it I should let you know that my mom isn't paying for a DIME of this wedding. All she was required to do was pick up the dress for my 6 year old sister. After having checks given as x-mas gifts bounce more times then a super ball - I've learned a bit not to expect big amounts of money in one lump sum. She offered and still thinks that she has to pay for the cake, FH and I will be picking this up - more then likely having to canel the videographer in order to do it - but it will get done.
Onto what's NOW happening.
So After the blow out with my mom, I called my step mom to remind her that she offered to pay for my other sisters dress. This sister is curently unemployeed do to a high risk pregnancy. She's my MOH.
I get an e-mail from my step mom, not just saying this in a short sentance but listing off a huge pity party poor me story about it....which annoyed me so much I barely glanced at it. In short - she doens't recall making this offer and is sure it was my mother who made the offer.
Now I'm stuck with a either not having EITHER of my sisters in the wedding or canceling something esle to afford to pay for 2 dress, 2 alterations and 2 pairs of shoes.
My 6 year old sister I could have been fine with her not being in the wedding, I mean yeah I'd of been pissed because it's no ones fault but my selfsih immature mothers but now I have to give up my MOH as well!?
Anyone who knows me knows I've alredy gone through 2 MOH's already, one I booted for being a (insert choice cuss word here) and the other backed out as she hopes to be overly pregnant at the time.....
Is my wedding cursed? What is going on here? Not have my sisters in my wedding? 2 years ago I was happy to find out my sister was alive because of the lifestyle she once led. I prayed every night she'd be able to stand next to me at my wedding....and now she can't becasue two woman are selfsich and flighty and don't remember conversations!
I'm beyond words right now girls. There's no more money, no chance of saving anything extra...the dresses are bing bought on Saturday and I'm down to the wire. I can't push the date back anymore because then there won't be enough time to get them in and alter before the big day.....WTH am I supposed to do?
I couldn't even replace my sister by Saturday - if I had to. There's no one else who could take her spot!!!
(sob)
Well, it seems like you have a lot of wedding drama that is not about you and your fiancee. I say, scratch the whole wedding party and refocus - its about your marriage, not about dresses, not about expenses that you could do without, not about flightly family. Time to reassess what this wedding is about, and perhaps bring it back to the basics. Just my two cents.
B-R-E-A-T-H-E!!!
i hate to sound like an apathetice bride-to-be, but it's "just your wedding day"...it doesnt mean all the days after your wedding day are (your marriage) is cursed!
so what do you WANT to do versus what you think you should do? before thinking and over-analyzing - what is your gut instinct telling you?? Have you talked to the hubbs about it??
focus on what's more important to you - the "show" of the wedding or having your sisters take part in the ceremony?
what would you gladly say g'bye to (favors, martini luge, candy buffet, etc) in order to have your sisters stand next to you up there while you're saying your vows?
It's not the end of the world hon!! talk it over with your FH and see what suggestions he comes up with...
It'll all be ok!!
Hi there. I have been reading your posts for a while, and while I completely understand how upseting all of this can be, I think what you really need right now is to step back, take a deep breath and stop everything (for a day). Stop thinking about dress orders and budgets, in fact, I think you should just cancel your dress appt. all together. Like you said, your one sister is pregnant, & the other still growing. Most likely, their dresses will not fit either of them in a few months if they get measured now.
Once you remove the urgency of coordinating the dress order I suggest you take a day to veg-out and really contemplate what you want out of you wedding day. Would you prefer to have a perectly coordinated bridal party? Or would you prefer to have your sister, whom you've dreamed of being able to stand up with you, stand there in perhaps a nice dress that she already owns? Really try to decide for yourself what is most important, and don't let anyone or anything persuade you. Then, once the high tensions have eased and you have gathered your thoughts, I suggest you gather your mother, step-mother and sisters, explain to them (calmly and lovingly) what you have decided. You should also explain to them that you can no longer afford (financially or emotionally) to have any more budget "misunderstandings", and therefore you will not accept any additional offers from them to pay for anything. I realize that your budget is tight, but anything is possible if you are willing to make some compromises. Also, not relying on them for $, will ensure that you can't be disappointed by them in the future. Good luck, and remember that as bad as this feels right now, you won't remember any of it when you are looking into your FH eyes on your wedding day.
To save some money, could the girls wear shoes they already own? Did you look on ebay to see if they have bridesmaid dresses you like? Remember, you can always sell them again after the wedding! Can the bridesmaids chip in a little money for their dresses? It doesn't all have to fall on you!
Oh, I totally feel for you! How frustrating! And I joke (half-seriously) about wanting to cancel the whole thing after a bad dress-shopping experience.
I know that for me, the added responsibility of coordinating a whole "bridal party" just seemed un-doable from the start. My FI had a picture of his brother and son and four best friends all in tuxes. After a lot of discussion (and his realization that he didn't want to organize that either, but was sort of figuring that I would handle it) we concluded that the MOST important people to us are his brother, and my sister. We are having them stand up for us, and that's all. From that point things got so much simpler. Now his brother, and my dad for that matter, just need to wear a nice, dark suit. I gave my sister a selection of colors, and after a lot of emailing back and forth of pictures we picked a nice Ann Taylor dress she likes. And everybody else will celebrate with us, and is involved in different ways, as much or as little as they can afford to be given money and time and location (his son is helping us select the playlist for the band; his friends are currently planning the world's best golf weekend for a bachelor party, and are totally obsessed with that). I don't think anybody is disappointed.
However, my vision of "our wedding" was always mostly about him and me. I think that you really need to think about the picture in your head. Do you need the matching attendants? Do you need attendants at all? Would you be just as happy holding your FIs hand in front of the minister without anybody else standing up there? They will all be there, just a little farther away. It is supposed to be a great day for you, and planning it is supposed to be fun! If specific elements of your current plan are creating so much stress that you aren't enjoying the process, it would probably be best to change your plan. Trust me, everybody else will be happier too when you are not all fighting about this.
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I was going to suggest pretty much the same thing as alibride. And I know this is not your original vision, but the girls are more important than the dresses they are wearing, so you could just do away with the official attire for them and let them just pick their own clothes but still have them stand up front with you. Honestly, that would be okay :) As they say, "clothes do not make a man" and having matching dresses do not make a maid of honour or a flower girl. It's not the dress that defines their role but their importance in your life. I don't think you need to cancel anything but the dress appointments.
And your marriage is not doomed just because you're having wedding budget difficulties. Remember these problems are arising due to financial difficulties on the part of your parents/step-parents. Once you are married, you and Sweeney will be managing your own finances so these types of problems are not a sign of things to come.
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I agree with all of the above; the planning is overwhelming you, and you might want take a step back and put everything on hold for a bit. Your wedding is still months and months away; there's no need to be this crazy already--this level of stress and drama for seven months is going to give you a heart attack.
If no one can pay for the dresses, then don't have the dresses. Matching dresses do not make a wedding, and I agree with those who have said the dresses won't fit a growing girl and a pregnant woman months from now anyway. If you insist on ordering the dresses now you will only buy more stress down the road: I ordered my bridesmaids dresses in October for a February wedding, and in the intervening time one of my bridesmaids lost twenty pounds, and the dress is so huge on her it will cost more than the cost of the dress to alter it to fit. We are hoping her mom can do it for her, but I've already told her if she can't, she is free to buy a similarly colored dress on eBay. Having the people you care about stand up for you is more important than a cookie cutter look. Your guests will not care that they did not have matching dresses; they will care if you are miserable and freaking out on your wedding day.
The one bridesmaid is 6 years old, so shoe coulnd't pitch in money and the other has no job because of a high risk pregnancy, so no job - no money kinda thing. I'm not paying for everyones dresses, I'm just now getting stuck with the bill for 2 of them because of the moms.
Also - they measured my pregnant sister before she got big, there not measuing her on Saturday but we are having to order the dresses. Thats how things work when a bridesmaid is pregnant or will be at the time it needs to be ordered. Rest assured the dress will fit her after alterations no issues. And the 6 year old is overweight, dress is ordered big and taken in. The cost is the same no matter hw much fabric they are taking off so not to worry about that.
Lastly - I know maybe this sounds selfish, but it's MY wedding day - and I can't imagine haveing to change all these things around to suit others. It's what I've done my whole life (or so it feels like) and this is supposed to be that one occasion where I don't have to pick up after everyone else, fill in the blanks. You know?
I WANT cookie cutter dresses, yes it actually will bother me if I have girls all wearing different dresses. This is my dream and I shoulnd be sacrificing it for two moms who are too selfish to realize this wedding is nothing to do with them. It's not my sisters fault either and though the pregnant one is old enough to understand and move past it - this WILL break the 6 year olds heart....
I don't mean to be harsh, but I think that you need to realize that your inability to come to some sort of comprise and your desire to be a little "selfish" and have the day exactly how you want it is what will be breaking your sisters hearts. If that is what you want, then so be it. You are blaming your mothers for all of this, and even if it is rightfully so, when it comes down to it, your sisters will blame you for excluding them.
I was in a BM in a wedding where the bride had an unwaivering "it's MY day" mentality. 3 years later, her actions still negatively affect her relationship with her entire bridal party and some family members. But, her marriage is great and she is seemingly happy.
Well, the thing is you can only have what you can afford. If your dream exceeds your budget then you can freak out and refuse to accept the situation, or you can make the necessary changes and move on.
If you would honestly rather cut the girls out of the wedding than have them stand up with you in non-matching dresses, then you are allowed to make that choice. I understand that it will bother you if your girls aren't all wearing the dresses you chose - it would totally bother me too if I were in your shoes. The point I'm trying to make though, is that won't it also bother you if they're not standing there at all? If that is the case, then you need to realize that you have two options, neither of which is perfect, but you have to pick one of the options.
I would encourage you to take a step back from this for a day or two and allow yourself to simmer down (nobody makes the best decisions when they are in the heat of the moment) and then really assess your priorities and make sure that you won't regret the decision later on. I mean really think about WHY you want all the details intact. I'm just wondering if it is to impress your guests or appease your family or something like that... I had that pressure too and once I realized that I didn't have to impress anyone, then I let a lot of things go. There were still things that were important to me - I didn't let EVERYTHING go! But just figure out if there are some things you can let go of that might not really upset you much if they were missing. Like favours or something.
Remember, this too shall pass :)
Sweeney2Be,
I completely understand that it is YOUR wedding and you should do what you want to do. However family is family. If you really want them in your wedding, then you should find a way for them to be in your wedding. However it is not your responsibility to buy them a dress. When you ask someone to be in your bridal party, they should understand there is some cost. As for your 6 year old sister, do you want her in the bridal party, or does your mom? Your sister is 6 yrs old and I know she wants to dress up, but she ultimately doesn't understand how important this day is to you. I think she will understand when she gets older, when she's in your shoes.
BTW, you don't need to have a BP. Many people don't. The most important thing about this wedding is you and your fiance---the actual vows and ceremony.
Another note: your wedding is in august. You have time. You don't need to buy the dresses this weekend. I'm getting married in early sept (6) and haven't even looked for any bm's dresses or have my colors set. Yes, I'm starting soon, but bm dresses take maybe 3 months to come in. I've been in many weddings and they always come in at 2 or 3 months after ordering. Relax and try to enjoy the process, otw you will burn out (if you haven't already)
Would you feel better if you had cookie cutter dresses worn by other people who aren't your sisters? Think carefully about this decision, I personally believe it will make or break your day...
10 years down the line will you recall the food, the drinks, the accessories or will you remember the love and support you felt as you and your partner cemented your love for each other?
I understand you are upset and irritated, but seriously... this is NOT important. And I mean the whole wedding production. Very little of it matters, really. I got married with 7 other people in attendance, no bridal party, super simple, and I could not be happier. We are all just spinning on a planet in space! When I get stressed out, it always helps me to think about that :) I agree with the others -- just step back for awhile, cancel that Saturday appointment, and think about it next week.
And also, YES, you can still elope. Feel free (in more ways than one)!
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uuummm, i also dont want to sound mean or harsh, but... when you prefaced that your mom/step-mom havent "put in a DIME" - uhhhh are parents obligated to these days??? if we're old enough to make the commitment of marriage, shouldnt we be old enough to pay for it also w/o the "expectation" that the 'rents are gonna chip in? that way any of THEIR money that they do decide to "donate" to the wedding is just extra gravy... but that's just me - again, i know - different strokes for different folks...
i know you want your day to be perfect - dont we all?? but life is life and you gotta deal with what you got kwim? not just in wedding planning, but in most things in life - all things are fluid - and you have to learn to adapt, otherwise you're doomed for disappointment.
this is a real wedding - yours!! it's not a play and we just play dress-up for the audience! it's not dressing ken & barbie either where he has to wear what you say... seriously hon - breath breathe breathe - it will all be ok on your day!
i would hold off on the dresses this saturday - is there another designer with the same "look" of the dresses but less costly? trust me it doesnt take that long to get them here... i was in a july wedding last year (busy wedding season) and we ordered the dresses in mid-march... dont let the bridal salon "boss" you around!
anyway - good luck to you whatever road you decide to take one this!!
(i'm drinking a margarita for you right now!)
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I have a different suggestion. I know that $ is an issue right now but could you ask your mom &/or stepmom to foot the bill now and you will pay them back later. You are obviously strapped since you are paying for everything else but you will be able to recoever eventually and you may get some money as wedding presents so that you can pay her/them back immediatly. (PS have you approached your dad about this?)
However, I do think you have every right to be upset. It is unfair to promise something and not do it especially when it causes a financial burden on someone else.
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i definitely agree to breathe first before thinking it's the end of the world. i mean i didn't ask for my reception to be held at a chinese restaurant but i did it because my FI wanted chinese banquet, my parents wanted no other place than the restaurant near their home and it is also affordable. i can fight the idea with them till i'm blue in the face, but that still doesn't change the fact that you are marrying the man of your dreams and that your family is still your family. i rather would have family stand next to me, then none at all. after all, it is just one day. Of course, i want it to be perfect as well and it will be. i just need to get creative and improvise on other things to make the reception less asian and more of my tastes. it really comes down to what you can afford and there's not much to say if you can't. hope things work out.
Just a suggestion. You can still have "cookie cutter" dresses if you used a seamstress! Then everyone could still look the same for 1/2 the price (if not less) there wouldn't be any alteration charges and you wouldn't have to order so far in advance.
Just a thought.
I don't really think it's fair to characterize your mom and step-mom as "selfish" because they don't want to or can't pay for these dresses. No one is really obligated to give you the wedding of your dreams, not even your parents. They are unreliable, sure, and certainly infuriating, since they promised and backed out; and I can totally understand if this is a pattern why it would drive you crazy. But it's not selfish. In the end if having the wedding of your dreams (as defined by matching dresses as opposed to having your sisters as your bridesmaids) is that important to you, then only you are required to pay for it.
No one's parents are obligated to pay for their wedding.
I don't think you mentioned where you are getting the dresses, but I second the suggestion to have them made or buy cheaper, similar dresses. Or try House of Brides/RK Bridal. Check E-Bay. (I believe Miss Tulip posted a really good tutorial on finding dresses online.) My point is, there are lots of alternatives and you have plenty of time.
I also wanted to add, it is not unheard of for the MOH to have a different dress - the same for junior bridesmaids. So if you have more attendants (not sure), maybe you could proceed with ordering those for your piece of mind.
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While I totally sympathize, I have to agree with alice and smartl. However much it sucks, being the bride doesn't actually give you any more control over your family than you normally have. And while it is certainly nice if your family can chip in for the wedding, they are not obligated to do so. They are certainly not obligated to spend more than they can afford, or do without other things, to pay for your wedding!
In one respect that's easy for me to say, because my mom is quite insistent on paying for everything. Because she really didn't establish a budget, my FI and I decided that for every expense, we would decide if it was okay based on whether we would and could pay for it ourselves. In a few cases, mom wants more than we do - and only in those cases are we okaying costs that are in excess of OUR ability to pay. So far, I have actually written all the checks. When mom finds out that something is paid for, she insists on "paying me back." Which I keep reminding her she doesn't actually have to do; and then I thank her a lot.
Trying to control both your family's behaviour and spending habits, and trying to get them to spend money they either don't have or don't want to spend is going to result in you all feeling badly towards each other. So I'm not sure you really have any choice but to scale things back to something YOU can actually afford. And maybe try harder to be considerate of everyone else's feelings and priorities. I know it seems like the wedding is the most important thing on earth, but to everyone else it comes a little further down the priority list. They will be more helpful if they don't feel ordered around.
Ali Bride, I appreciate your comments but in reality my sisters both blame my mom, not me. I don't feel that having my wedding the way I want is being selfish and breaking my sisters hearts. And my sisters certianly don't either. Even the 6 year old understand that she may not be able to do something because theres no money, even at six she's not mad at me because I can't magically make more money appear.
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Sweeny2be,
I'm not sure if you are understanding everyones comments. Instead of continuing to blame someone...your mom and stepmom, try to make the best of what you have. Just accept the fact that they cannot pay, and figure around it. Thinking you are the victim will not resolve anything. Now you have to move on, decide what is important, and make your wedding the best with what you have.
Lastly - I don't think that I ever mentioned, I've not asked for my family to chip in but as attendants and what not pay for the own dresses I don't feel like I should be to blame because something my moms agreed to isn't working out now and the balme should fall on me. If your maid can't pay her dress last minute because she recklessly spent all her money, would you happily pitch in for it and not have a second thought about it.
All the adive is wonderful but would each of you change your day to accomodate 1-2 maids? I doubt it very much. All the hard work you've put into putting your wedding together and then BAM, the idea is gone because suddenly your short maids. Not all people just change that easily....and I shouldn't be expected to nor should I be made to feel like this is my fault. I'm not letting anyone down, I'm not asking for money... I'm simply upset I may not have my sisters in my wedding because of my mom doens't find it important enough to save for a dress thats only $90!
This isn't a guest - this is my mom who's not interested in doing one simple thing for a wedding for her own daughter. How am the one endeding up selfish out of this? They let me down....
I sincerely apologize if I misunderstood you... I was just responding to your previous post:
Sweeney, this happens with every post. You ask our advice, a dozen people all say the same thing (for instance, the dresses do NOT need to be ordered this Saturday for an August 23 wedding), and then you come back on here and insist we are all wrong, don't understand the situation, etc., etc. You have written about having a boudoir photo shoot (not even sure I spelled it correctly). Scrap that and buy your sisters' dresses! Then with gift money, have the boudoir shoot after the wedding.
And this MY wedding stuff, plenty of the bride's have kindly reminded you that in addition to the day being about you and groom (you never mention sharing the day with him), it is also about family. Finally, if you read through your old posts, you gripe about your mom, your sister, your step-mom, several guests, a friend's fiance, one of your bridesmaids, your cousins, your former MOH, a travel agent... the list goes on and on. You are constantly feeling like everyone is trying to ruin your wedding - and you are always saying that you are "not being selfish" - but seriously, take some time off from planning your wedding and take a look at your behavior. You are choosing cookie cutter matching dresses over having your sisters in your wedding. Ultimately, YOU are making that decision - not your mom and stepmom, and you are just fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
What I meant was because of what was happening due to my moms actions. Thats what I was saying in the post. I can't control whats happening as I haven't the money to do it - so yeah she'll be very upset if she can't participate - because of what others have done to cause it.
Well I'm sorry some people are pretty hurtful, and I'm not the type to just stand by when things hurt me....I mean some responses are pretty harsh - considering I didn't even do anything wrong I'm just looking for a little support, you know?
It's not last minute. Your wedding isn't until August. You don't need to order these dresses now, and who knows? In the next seven months you might come up with a plan you like better. My plans changed several times over the course of planning, based on what was possible and what wasn't, on what I could pay and what other people would pay. What I have ended up with may not be exactly what I envisioned when I started, but it will be my dream day anyway. My two best friends will be my bridesmaids, they might be in matching dresses or they might not (and I have 25 days to go), and it will be everything I want. If it turns out in the end that the one bridesmaid who lost weight can't wear her dress, I'm not going to tell her she ruined my wedding and that she was selfish for losing so much weight. My man will be there, our families will be there. Our friends are coming from all over the country to be there. The food will be good, the music will be good, and I will look freaking fantastic. These are the parts of the vision that really matter :-).
Sweeney, I was struck by this quote:
"This is my dream and I shoulnd be sacrificing it for two moms who are too selfish to realize this wedding is nothing to do with them. "
Yes it is your (and your FI's wedding), but it is also about your families and friends.
Maybe the best advice ever given to me was that you can't change people, but you can change how you react to them. So while you can't change the fact that your mom and stepmom can't come through with the money for the dresses, maybe you can change how you react to them, whether it's by holding off on the dresses this weekend, or putting off the boudoir pics, or selling a few things on Craigslist.
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Sweeney, I'm sorry you're feeling attacked. I think these ladies are just trying to share their wisdom and help you through what's obviously a stressful situation.
Sweeney,
Is it possible to find a seamstress who will make you the dresses in the same fabric? That way they still look similar and still stand out. It may be way more affordable. Or find other dresses in the same color but perhaps not the original designer.
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i know how easy it is to say it's your day - i remember i had said on several occasions to my FH, "it's more the bride's day than the groom's" - and somehow he still married me. i also remember that a lot of times his mom had wanted to get involved, and because i had a mother (albeit passive) and older sisters and friends, i wasn't interested in her opinions. i really love her but i kept seeing it as my day, my day.
my scenario wasn't like yours, but enmoore had a point. as much as most of us brides want the day to be perfect, things happen that we have no control over. as much as we want things to go our way, no matter what anyone else says, sacrifices need to be made. marriage and family are all about compromise. you want this to be the best day of your life - and it can be! but not enjoying the ride can really reflect on your relationships, and the way you feel about the day. i know more than one bride that couldn't wait for the day to just be over b/c there was so much stress leading up to it. mine was stressful too, but for the most part i made it my stress, and used my fiance for support. i did have some issues with my 2 MOHs, but we talked it out and i'm so glad they were part of my day.
instead of looking for someone to take your side, it sounds like you need to work out a solution. as others said, i don't think it's fair to assume parents should pay (we paid for our entire wedding), but i think what you were saying was they had "promised" and then forgot that promise, if that happened. it's the situation where everyone believes they're right. ordering dresses takes 12 weeks usually, so that gives you an extra few months. would you be able to make it the BMs' responsibility to find the funds? it's too late to tell them that it would be part of their duties. i know it's difficult for a 6-year-old to comprehend that issue, so can you maybe offer to pay for half of the cost? and negotiate with your moms to cover the rest.
from what you've written it sounds like you want them in your wedding more as "props" - put them up at the altar with you, and they have to look identical. consider why it's important to you. use that to help discuss with your moms (and don't use the "but you promised" as an argument). as someone said, which is more important, your sisters, or the dresses? even getting married takes sacrifices - and marriage requires even more.
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Sweeney, you have always been so happy and upbeat and super excited about every detail! I am going to voice my opinion - I don't mean to insult you if I do...You asked if anyone else would sacrifice something else, or chip in to pay for their girls if they did so happen to end up with no money - my answer is absolutely! Actually, my sister is a single mother of 2, all three are in my wedding, and I paid for all three dresses - I make very little money. I did not ask them just to have people up there and to do things for me. I asked my girls (and his guys) because they are family, I love them as much as my FI, and they are going to stand up in support of our marriage. The people you asked cannot help their situation - one is 6, who cannot obviously pay for it herself. The other obviously did not plan on having a bed-ridden at-risk pregnancy, and you sound actually mad about it rather than worried about her and the baby's health. I know you want everything perfect - but the fact is, no one will remember the dresses, they will remember that your sisters were by your side on your wedding day. On top of this, I again ask, why do you think you have to order the dresses now to get them in on time? It does not take 8 months to get a dress made. ANYWHERE. My dresses took 6 weeks and they were from Watters. Very nice and very expensive. You have more than enough time. You could save $10 a week and have money by June to order the dresses. Not allowing them to do this I think is being selfish. You have a lot done. I am 2 months away from my wedding and don't even have invitations done. You have done yours. You are more than way ahead of the game. You are trying to make something perfect, and there is no such thing. Things happen, but on your wedding day the only thing that matters is that you are in love, and your family is with you and supports that. Not dresses.
Absolutely - dreambml has such great points. This situation seems like a huge crisis because everybody is mad - you are mad at your moms, they are mad at you, your sisters are either upset or going to be upset... I have friends whose parents, for whatever reason, really objected to their choice of spouse. I have one girlfriend who lost both her mother when she was 25 and her father two years later - the same year her fiance dumped her. She is also an only child. Every time I get annoyed at my mom (or dad, or sister) I try really hard to remember how lucky I am that they are still here with me, and that they absolutely love my FI and his kids, and are totally thrilled for me. Sometimes they express that in weird ways, but what the heck.
Your family may not seem like they are being as supportive as they could be - but you do have them, and they are involved. I am sure that they wish they could snap their fingers and give you the fairy tale wedding that you want and deserve, but stuff like that doesn't actually happen in real life. When you start trying to find a way to compromise and work this out, I bet they will too. Or maybe I'm full of crap, but you could try it and see!
I'm sorry you are feeling down! Perhaps you can find a dress that is cheaper or get them made from scratch, so you can still have the same dresses but be able to include everyone on your own dollar? Regarding the whole situation, to be very honest, I don't think there is any use in directing your frustration at your mom/stepmom, even if they didn't keep the end of a promise they might have made. Take a deep breath and try to redirect that energy towards finding a solution that can still allow your sisters, who did nothing wrong, to participate -- which is really what matters most.
I do think that brides should make sacrifices for their bridesmaids. Presumably, these ladies are our closest friends, and for myself, I wanted them to know how much they meant to me during the whole planning process. While I did like the cookie-cutter look, I decided to let them choose their dresses, shoes, etc. and helped pay for their dresses to be custom-made so each girl could determine her own look. On the day of, one of my bridesmaids decided to go strapless last minute and cut off her straps, and I thought it was a great idea and was so glad she was comfortable.. and she looked great! Though the wedding was "my big day," it meant a great deal to me that my close friends involved had a good experience as well, because they are a big part of how I became the person I was then, at the altar, and am now. Some may disagree, but I would say that planning her wedding day does not give a bride the right to disregard the feelings or comfort of others and to be inflexible when making decisions.
On the practical side, I echo the other posters who suggested not forcing an ordering deadline of this Saturday upon yourself. Take a little time to let things figure themselves out -- it will be fine. If you're open to looking at some possible cheaper BM dress options, check out www.overstock.com and some of the department store picks (I think there were a bunch posted lately on Weddingbee). Best of luck Sweeney! It's going to be fine!
I want to say "no offense" but your bound to get offended because clearly you're just not getting the point. The responses are all giving you the support you need by telling you to take a step back and see what you're doing and saying. It's very simple, I'll even convert the advice into bullet points for you
: 1. suck it up, it IS your wedding, but your family IS important and if you want to be happy and want to make them happy then you 1st need to get over the idea of a "perfect dream" wedding b/c there is none. 2. cancel the saturday appointment, and take a trip to the mall with your sisters to find some new matching dresses. your sisters will look different than you other maids, but they're your SISTERS so that's what's important! 3. stop blaming. don't make your moms feel bad b/c they can't afford the dresses, it will only cause tensions as the wedding nears. 4. stop sulking and complaining. be grateful for what you do have, which is everything else, and just don't get sucked up in this wedding frenzy. and promise yourself you won't have another one of these bridezilla mooments :)
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