Post # 1
So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I really want all your inputs! Often, when women (men too, but for the sake of the discussion we’ll stick with women) get married, or even just in a serious relationship they tend to, as the old phrase puts it, “let herself go”. When hubs and I dated, and in the time of BH (before hubs, get it- gosh I have a weird sense of humor, any who), although I wouldn’t have considered myself high maintenance, I was certainly always aesthetically up kept, even if I was just staying home all day. I would say around engagement time, this started to slowly go downhill. For reference, we dated a year, engaged for less than a year, have been married for 2 ½ years now. I had been thin before (BMI 17-18ish), and now although I’m not overweight, I have defiantly grown some love handles and while I still work out (to a much less extent); I am no longer lean (current BMI 21-22). Although I get dressed everyday in ‘real clothes’, if I’m home I’m in glasses without makeup. It’s not that I don’t love who I am, and I’m really not bothered by how I look, I just wonder ‘what happened?!’. As a society that is well aware that men are visual people, why do we let this happen? I certainly don’t doubt that my husband is faithful andI know he loves me even more than the day we married; I just wonder why as women (I know not all women!) we tend to doll up for people we don’t know, but fail to do the same for our loved ones. Just curious what all you ladies think about this topic in general, I’m not looking for input on my story.
Post # 3
I find this true…. it happens to myself at least at certain times. I know it may only get worse when we have kids. I think it’s inevitable for some people… our relationship is good, we’ve been together for a long time and BOOM I’m suddenly okay in not wearing makeup or just plain bumming some days. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but I know there may be a problem if I stayed ok with it and didn’t bother when I was going out… let my hair go untrimmed/colored, wore no makeup for extended days in a row….
I think a lot of guys can fall into this rut, too! Especially after marriage.
I don’t think there’s any danger in being lax sometimes, but the real danger is if you NEVER try….
Post # 4
I’ll admit, if I’m home all day, there are days where I’ll be in sweatpants when FI gets home from work. The funny thing? Although he gives me compliments often, it’s the sweatpants days when he actually almost ALWAYs says I look good…. 🙂
Post # 5
Ooh, another thing is …. I think a lot of the time the phenomenon could be cured by simply trying. Sometimes I’ll be inmy comfy clothes just for around the house… but I’ll still put on makeup or do my hair and that makes ALL the difference. I know DH appreciated when I at least keep myself at my best regardless of what I’m wearing. A little makeup can go a long way!
Post # 6
I think part of is is that we have more time when we are single. Instead of going with the SO on that fun date which probably includles some sort of not the healthiest food, we went to work out. Instead of rushing to come home and snuggle and see the SO, we worked out. And of course there’s the comfort zone, there no need to impress the SO everyday and its just easier not to. I think it’s true of both men and women. My husband has definitely let himself go since we met. Before me, he was totally lean 8 pack kind of guy, he’s still slim and fit, but the abs are long gone. For me, I’m exactly the same and maybe try a little harder.. I had never really worked out and stuff before, and just still dont. But as for getting dressed up and made up, I never really did before and he did fall for plain old me, but he does like it, so I try more now than I did before… only when we go out tho, never at home.
Post # 7
As a society that is well aware that men are visual people, why do we let this happen?
I have to say I really don’t agree this is a reason – there is a lot of pressure on women to look perfect all the time, and that is unattainable. Don’t look good to impress other people, look how you want to feel good in your skin. Yes, I try to work out, eat right, and keep up a nice appearance for my FI, but the bigger reason is I want to be healthy and happy for myself. One of the things I love about my FI is how he’ll tell me I look good without makeup an accepts me whether I’m wearing heels and a dress or jeans and tank top with no makeup. It makes the relationship more real for me.
Post # 7
I know I’m not typical, but for me it was the opposite! But that had more to do with aging and realizing that a little under-eye concealer and a light powder foundation could do wonders for my face. I never wore makeup when we first met or for the first few years that we dated, so he finds it kind of strange that I’ve started now! But my skin didn’t used to need any help, and now it does, ha. These days, if I don’t do something about my dark circles i like like I haven’t slept for a week. :/
Post # 8
I think this definitely happens – when you’re comfortable with somebody, they get to see the everyday side of you. But since I knew of this “phenomenon” I make a concious effort not to let it happen.
Whenever I go to work, it takes me at least a half hour to do my hair and makeup (that includes showering and blow-drying my hair and such). On my days off, I like to give my skin and hair “break days” where I don’t do anything to them. And on my first day off after working four twelve hour days in a row, I usually stay in my pajamas or very comfortable baggy sweats and tee all day. But I always get fully dolled up at least a couple of the days that I’m off. Hair, makeup, cute outfit (casual, but cute). I feel like – if I’m willing to make all that effort for people who i work with that don’t give a crap what I look like, then my FI definitely deserves the same level of effort, if not more.
My FI definitely thinks I’m beautiful – even on the messy ponytail/no makeup/baggy clothes days, but I like to still make sure he sees the attractive side of me, too. I don’t ever plan to “let myself go” completely. But I do love knowing that he’d love me just as much if I did. 🙂
Post # 9
I rarely wear makeup at home, but I was that way even before DH and I started dating. And sometimes I don’t get dressed all day long, just hang out in my jammies. Again, I did this even before DH and I started dating. Of course, he usually hangs out in his sweatpants at home when he doesn’t have to go outside, so I think we’re about the same as far as that goes.
I think when people are together all the time, they just become more comfortable with each other, and it isn’t as imparative to impress each other… For example, he’s seen me with a runny red nose, coughing, and miserable–definately not at my best, but he’s also seen me at my best… that whole ‘for better or worse’ comes to mine in those situations! LOL!
I do, however, think it’s important that couples take care of themselves. I mean, you should try to keep the packaging in a good of condition as possible. Although no one can expect their spouse to stay in the same physical shape as they were when they met, because age takes it’s toll. But, keeping clean, neat and presentable as much as possible should be done, just out of respect for yourself and for your spouse.
(BTW, when I say “you” and “your”, I’m talking in general, and not commenting directly to the OP’s situation.)
Post # 10
@MissMeow: Where’s the “Like” button?!!! LOL!!!
Post # 11
When I’m around the house I wear “comfy cute clothes”. Mainly this consists of booty shorts or yoga pants and a tank top.
That way I’m comfortable and when SO gets home I look hot too (he loves my work out wear and loves when I wear very little haha)
The reason I stopped wearing make up is actually his fault. Early on when we were dating he asked me why I always wore makeup and said that I looked beautiful without it and would actually prefer no makeup or little makeup. So I stopped wearing it on an every day basis. Mind you when we dress up or for big functions I definitely wear some, but not as much as I used to pre-SO.
I do know, however, that SO has no tolerance for me “letting myself go” on a weight-basis. My first year of university I gained 15 lbs and he did comment on it. But I lost it the summer after. I am a very driven person and am always striving to maintain (or get back to) my goal weight. I’m not offended that he wouldn’t find me attractive were I to “let myself go” and balloon up (I’m a small girl and so me ballooning up would be a horrific sight!) because I myself would hate myself if that happened anyways.
Plus he always maintains his physique so we just do it together.
Post # 12
The other day I was over my mom’s house and she told me I should at least put on some makeup and stop wearing my comfortable (though ugly) boots with yoga pants.
I really did need that outside perspective lol. Especially because my FI never says anything (although maybe he is thinking it?)
Post # 13
I found myself doing this – until I found out that my fertility issues were due to my eating habits/weight! I now weigh less then I did prior to meeting my husband and certainly less then I did at the wedding. I think based on what I now know of my genes and body issues, I probably will keep this up the rest of my life.
Because of this, I find myself taking MORE of an interest in what I’m wearing and having fun dressing nicer/cuter. I still don’t wear makeup though. lol Good thing my DH loves the no make up look better then having some on! If it weren’t for the need to change my eating habits/weight because of fertility, I would probably have continued on the way I was. Now I know that I have PCOS and if I don’t watch what I eat then diabetes is down the road for me as well. I also know that my genes make me more suseptible to heart disease/issues so I now know I have to stay away from red meat.
I guess this is my rambling way of saying that I’m glad I found out about underlying issues that *I* have, because my DH loves me no matter what I look like! 🙂
Post # 14
I’m definitely comfortable and neither of us have a problem with it.
ETA: FI likes it when I do dress up and get all dolled once in awhile. Gets him all excited and makes him feel special. 😉
Post # 15
I believe in honesty! Before you marry me, you should see what I look like ill, no make up and up ten pounds 😉
Luckily we didn’t marry each other for our Hollywood appearances and body. We dress up when we go out and take care of ourselves, but theres no need to be putting exorbitant amount of effort into maintaining something unnatural. My husband is a huge proponent of internal beauty, and prizes it over the external.
Yes I like to look good, and who doesn’t love to wow their partner? but its not a par-time job or something worth having anxiety over lol