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I don't know if your Mother is actually being spiteful but it sounds like it makes sense not to have her there. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding something. But if there aren't going to be any other children there, she'll probably end up ruining your Aunts night.
IMO the aunt should decide what is best, but if i were you I would just let your mom do her thing. Not worth your time to worry about I don't think, let her deal with her sister if she wants to.
Maybe your little cousin isn't allowed to stay up really late? And I know my husband's grandparents left our reception by 9pm. After all, they're much older...and them driving at night was definitely a concern of ours. I guess I'm a little confused as to what the issue is...is it that your gparents may be leaving early if your aunt has her 5 year old daughter to take care of? Unless her dad is around to take her home early, I don't see how you can have it both ways. I know when I was 5, I was in bed by like, 6 or 7pm =]
Do you mind her being at the reception? If you think she's a brat, it might not be something you want to worry about day-of. Would your aunt be upset if the ex-flower girl couldn't come? I say, if it's not a big deal and you'll think she will behave, it's fine. But if your mother really doesn't want her to come for the reasons you said, then I would tell your mom she has to be the one to break it to your aunt and cousin.
It's just crazy to me that a five-year old is making this decision. If I was five and asked to be in a wedding, I would be in it whether I wanted to or not. You're damn right your aunt has no control over her ;o)
I would just speak to your aunt, or have your mom speak to her. Let her know that she'll be the only kid at the reception and be bored to death. And she won't be able to cling to your other cousin, because she'll be busy. Your aunt might just decide to leave her at home.
I'm kind of on the train of, if you think she's going to be disruptive and bratty with everything, then maybe let either your mom or your aunt decide what's best. Preventing her from coming to the reception might cause some family drama with your aunt.
If she decides she wants to be in the wedding 5 months from now, are you ok with her possibly being difficult the day of and refusing to walk down the aisle at that point? I just feel like at the drop of a hat, she may turn against everyone and cause drama since you said her mom doesn't have any control over her.
Best of luck with this and sorry you have to deal with it!
Hotchildinthecity hit the nail on the head. i feel that she is bratty and my aunt has no control because she is allowed to make all the decisions not that she is disruptive and wild. its so weird to me because when I was three I was a flowergirl and I loved every minute of it. I really wish the kid would just come around.
My family is very closeknit and we see each other often so its not like she's uncomfortable around me and my FH. He's been a part of my life since she was born.
She doesn't have many "rules" and my aunt has no issue with her staying up late. My grandparents are very absorbed by her and their day to day life revolves around the flower girl. My mom's take is that my grandparents won't enjoy their first grandchilds wedding because they will dictated by what their youngest grandchild wants.
I feel like she should be included, she's my cousin. My mom is being a bit spiteful, but i do understand her reasons. At this point i feel like its 5 months a lot can change. I don't really want to make that call. She can be a flower girl, she can not be a flower girl, she can come to the wedding, she can come to the reception, she can stay with her dad for the weekend. Whatever at this point
Well it sounds like you're being pretty easy about it. It's too bad that she's being like that, when you really would like a flower girl. Do you have any pull with th 5 yr old, that you talking to her might keep her in line? Sometimes kids who are brats to their parents behave for others.
If you had a reason to say, "no kids under X yrs old are invited, except those in the wedding party," I could see leaving her off. But otherwise if she's the only family member who'd be excluded, I would advise against excluding her.
But it sounds like you're OK with letting her come. So I would suggest trying to circumvent your mom, if you think she's going to do something spiteful. (Maybe just talk to your aunt directly to let her know whatever she wants to do is fine.) Also, can someone else take your grandparents home? THat would solve the problem for your mom.
I'm just wondering, for your mom to get this worked up, or "spiteful", has she typically had issues with your aunt? Like the aunt has gotten more attention, even if from messing up.
i see your mom's logic, but i say talk it over with your aunt so that you're not hurting anyone's feelings!
I think you should discuss it with your aunt because hurt feelings could cause awkwardness now and down the road as well.
I do see what your mom means but...maybe disuss it with your aunt and your mom (except don't make your aunt feel like she is being attacked!)
If you don't mind her being there, & your grandparents ADORE her, I'd just have the 5 year old come to everything. As for being FG, however, I'd nix that right now. Unless your wedding is rather informal &/or you're okay with your processional being in the hands of a 5 year old who has very little consequences if she acts up, I wouldn't include her as a FG.
So no young females on FH's side either?
I agree that maybe a "wait and see" approach is best. It also sounds like your mom may be taking out some frustration with her parents out on her niece. I mean, the kid sounds a bit willful, but it's not her fault she's five and her grandparents are attached.
Bottom line, if YOU don't mind having he rthere then tell your mom not to worry. That you're the bride and even a cute little five year old won't distract anyone's attention from HER daughter.
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My cousin is a brat and her mother has no control over her. I had a feeling this would happen when she kept saying " i don't want to talk about that wedding any more." Really I'm fine with her mothers decision and with 5 months to go she may change her mind. I have a dress i got at Macy's for $10 and a fake flower pomander for her to carry. i wanted to incorporate all my female cousins in the ceremony. So thats kinda disappointing. I had really wanted a flower girl and there is no one else under the age of ten to take her place.
I called my mom after my aunt called me (they're sisters) and now she wants to not include the 5 year old in the reception, since she is not going to be part of the wedding party. There will be no other kids under the age of 10 at the reception and the one cousin she tends to cling to is 15 and one of my bridesmaids. Aunt is most likely going to drive with my grandparents and mom is afraid that if the 5 yr old comes Aunt is going to rush them to leave the reception early. I think its kinda spiteful and I have no issue with her coming to the reception. Can't wait to see how my mom's other two sisters weigh in....
Any one have any thoughts? Ideas? Small female children I can borrow?