Weddingbee boards

I just wanted to make a support thread for those of us that have bern trying 6 months or longer. It's a rough spot to be in, whether you have fertility issues or not. 6 months is entering incomfortable territory, because you're not considered "infertile" yet, and a lot of times, your dr won't even entertain giving you tests yet. So you just have to power through, and it's hard when it seems like everyone comes to the 2ww threads and don't have to stick around very long. I'm genuinely happy for those people...I really am! But it can take a toll on emotions when, month after month, still no bfp.

So, i just wanted to open up the floor for our little niche group, and have a place for special support. I've noticed that many other boards have a special support area for people that are taking a little longer, and I thought that was a good idea.

So, hi. I'm jholler, and I'm on CD 1 of Cycle 6.
If you've been around long enough to join me here, then you probably know my deal. I'm Type A, and have already had all the CD3 Bloodwork, and an HSG. DH had an SA. We passed with flying colors. But we've failed every pregnancy test we've taken so far, and, well- I'm really struggling with it. I used to be very vocal on here. I've been quiet lately. I used to be so excited and hopeful each cycle. "Maybe this is our month!" I'd think. Now, I don't get excited. Month 4 really broke my heart. I felt mostly numb after that, because we had the most beautiful timing ever. I dusted myself off when AF rolled in and punched my lights out. Month 5, I was proud of how calm and cool I was. I think my body was in defense mode from CD 1, trying to make me numb and feel less involved, so when I got my BFN it would hurt and shock much less. It didn't. I was shattered.

So I'm recovering. But that's where I'm at. I'm looking to relate to bees in the same position. Hopefully we can ride this road to a bfp together:)

And just to add, I know that people with very good intentions try to give advice, but if your advice is to "just relax" or "stop thinking about it" or "it will happen when it's the right time," just save your energy and please don't type those words. They don't help. They actually infuriate me. Any of the above is pretty impossible to do, and also should be ILLEGAL when talking to someone who's trying to conceive.

:)

@bradybride- pm me if you need any help processing the numbers but dont want to post your numbers. First of all, AMH is the much more relied upon indicator of egg reserve...Did you have the AMH? And FSH can vary from one cycle to the next, so what was high this cycle could be totally fine next cycle. I mean, I get it, you're communicating with the biggest worrywart ever over here and I'd be stressing too, but I've pored over all of my results and I know FSH can change drastically from one cycle or day to the next. If there's any other questions you have while you wait to hear from your dr, I'm here:). Sorry you have to be in this little club but thanks for showing up:)

I probably don't belong here since I have diagnosed issues (PCOS w/ anovulation), but I just wanted to send hugs to all of you. <3 TTC is so hard on the emotions, we all need all the support we can get.

@elley: You know I'm your #1 cheerleader:)

@elchalten: You sound way more sane than me...Maybe you can talk me off the ledge if #6 is a bust!!!

@Bunny: Dude, you totally belong here!!! Hard is hard, it doesn't really matter why it's hard! When it takes longer for a reason or without a reason, it's still tough. I appreciate seeing you around and feeling like you "get" that this isn't all fun and games and bubble gum. That's sometimes how I feel. I remember feeling that way, but I don't anymore. I'm a lot more serious about it now, and it hurts that much more every month. You'd think it'd be the opposite! Maybe that's the next stage. Right now I'm just gutted, can't function, am a horrible employee, etc, as I try to recover from stupid AF.

Just to offer some more info, my husband and I actually did 2 IUIs this past month. I am losing my insurance with fertility coverage on Jan 1. So we decided to blow it out these last 2 months before it changes over to stupidass United Health which doesnt pay squat for treatment. I told myself not to get my hopes up, but the cycle was DRAINING, and it was rrally involved and time consuming w/drs apptments and coordination. And some small part of me thought "Maybe." And even though I tried to hold my heart off from getting it's little hopes up, my brain joined into the fun and got me thinking that it could really be it- I mean 2 healthy people and 2 IUIs???? How could 1 sperm not get there? But it didn't. And it devastated me.

I'm not "Infertile" but I'm not "Fertile Myrtle" either...I'm somewhere in between.

@echalten: I know you're worried- But try not to fret until you have your AMH tested. And even if that IS lower, it's not the end of the world. Will it make things more difficult? Possibly. But you can't jump to conclusions like that until you see an RE, who I promise you, will immediately send you for 30 vials of blood to be taken, including your AMH and everything under the sun- Progesterone, LH, you name it.

There is a MAJOR difference between an OB and an RE. Let me repeat that - MAJOR!!! An RE's job is to get you pregnant. He doesn't care about your pap smear results or your sexual history- he doesn't give a flip actually (except for HIV, which you'll be tested for when you donate your 30 vials of blood). He has 1 mission: To fix the problem and knock you up.

Your OB wasn't lying when she said there's nothing she can do for you. She really can't, she's not trained enough to deal with fertility. I kind of think that's obvious bc she didnt even give you the full CD3 blood workup! There's SO much more to your story than fsh, estradiol, prolactin, & TSH. There's quite a few missing pieces here. As I said FSH fluctuates, so until you have your AMH, I think your husband is right. The bright side is that you'll get into an RE who will get a plan together for you. RE's are aggressive (good ones anyway!) and so you'll feel a lot better when you have an RE running the show.

I know you're so worried and my heart goes out to you, but you just don't know enough to be worried at this point. An RE will fill in the holes...Only testing you for 4 measly things kind of irritates me, but it's not her fault - she's just an OB, not an RE, and she just knows the bare minimum about fertility things. I PROMISE you when you see an RE, you'll feel like you know everything that's going on and what the plan of action is, and he'll treat it like it's urgent. So try not to be too upset, and I think you're husband sounds very supportive and hopefully he can ease your mind:). HUGS!!!!!!

@elchalten:  Be happy that you are going to an RE.  OBs deal with babies and seem to not know much at all about the process of fertility.  I wish I had gone to an RE sooner.  They're entire job is to figure out how to get people pregnant!

I just posted this, but I have my very first IUI tomorrow.  I'm totally nervous...not scared...just it seems so official I guess.  DH and I didn't abstain because I couldn't handle the thought of not getting a positive OPK and "missing" it...  I just really hope it all works.

@jholler - I can totally see how having an unsuccessful IUI cycle would be even more difficult than a normal unsuccessful cycle...This will be a tough TWW!  Also...I just switched from United Health (zero coverage) to Kaiser effective Jan1.  We're paying out of pocket until then.

And I'm on cycle 16 with one chemical...in case anyone needs a refresher.  Slightly low morphology for DH (which is kinda normal), nothing out of the ordinary for me on Day 3 labs, but probably low progesterone since I spot consistently for the last few days of my cycle.  I just did my first Clomid cycle and will do IUI tomorrow.

For me the 6 month mark (and the few months thereafter) were the absolute worst and saddest part of TTC.  My only piece of advice is to consult doctors early...there's no reason not to. 

Have you tried temping vaginally?  That made all the difference for me this cycle.  This was Cycle#6 for me, with what I thought were all pretty decently timed cycles  beforehand that always resulted in BFNs.  I got my BFP on Saturday (currently waiting for my blood test results), and the only thing I did differently this cycle was temp vaginally.  I think it must've given me more accurate temps, which allowed me to have more accurate timing to BD.

@Mrs Green Grass:   Don't be scared.  It's totally painless.  But the whole process is stressful.  I remember coming out of my final u/s and Kevin was sitting on a bench.  Everyone knew why he was sitting on that bench.  He was waiting for me to give him the "we're good to go" that the RE had just given to me, and then he was escorted to a little room.  To do his deed.

I had a DOUBLE Iui.  Like we did one early, on the day of my trigger, and one the day after.  So yeah, I am still totally gutted that neither worked.  I don't wish that I had something "wrong" with me, but sometimes having nothing "wrong" with you can be just as frustrating.

@jaguar:   I have been secretly mad at your RE.  That he didn't start you on a higher dose. 25mg of clomid seems like it would only work for...my chihuahua.  I have definitely wanted to give him a stern talking-to. 

@dagret:   I also started acupuncture with a fertility acupuncturist recommended by my RE.  I went today as a matter of fact.

@bunnylovesbear:   Temping vaginally for me wouldn't do me much good because my RE triggers me with an Ovidrel shot.  He says Jump.  My ovaries say How High?  Then they confirm Ovulation with 7DPO progesterone bloodwork.  I sometimes wish I hadn't gotten so advanced so quickly, but the bottom line is, with my personality type, I would be borderline suicidal if we hit the 6 month mark and I had no idea if we had anything wrong.  I had to get that taken care of.  And from there, we ended up doing all of this with an RE.  Because my insurance said I could and I was in a hurry.  My husband's offshore schedule made it seem more reasonable to go this route, so he could work with us for IUI if Kevin was gone or something.  And if you do IUI, meds increase the chances....Yada, yada, yada.  I got into it up to "here."    I just wish we had known sooner I would lose this fertility coverage.  I would have done it sooner.  Now we're scrambling.

Just to add, I'm in medical device sales, that's why I'm freaky with knowing about all of this crap.  I'm fascinated by studies and medical data.  That's what my career has been based off of in order for me to be successful in selling to people that have medical degrees.  When I have a BA....  It's second nature for me to believe in drugs and medicine, and to want to know what they do and why they work that way.  That's why I "researched" so much in my little 6 months TTC, because I know how to do so easily.  I know that the info is out there, and I'm used to just grabbing up what I need.

So far, this is pretty much the only sale I have been unsuccessful with.  Coaxing DH's sperm into my egg.  No buyers yet.

@jaguar:   Did you ovulate those 8 cycles?  I'm just nosy.  I was wondering earlier today when we FB'd about how many times you'd actually gotten to drop a damn egg. Then I cussed your RE.  So if his ears were burning in Australia, it was from someone thinking about him in Fort Lauderdale.

@bradybride:   I suck at noticing if that message number has changed!  I'm sorry!  I'm going to take a gander!  But what I already know is that you don't have an AMH either....I'll pm you!

@TurtleDoves:   You feel free to hang out with us as much as you want.  Like I said to Bunny, problems are problems.  We'll do whatever we can to support you:)  We're not the most fertile people on the boards, lol, but we all "get" it.  And we're happy to help and support any way we can.  Welcome:)

@bradybride:  How much is your acupuncture if you don't mind me asking?  I'm seeing a fertility acupuncturist, and my insurance covers a portion but it's still expensive! 

Last week I went on the day I got my BFN beta.  I was bawling.  He stuck needles everywhere and let me simmer down there.  I  had a tissue and I just laid there and cried, wiping my tears.  I got A LOT less hysterical laying there, but he poked his head in to tell me I was done, and when he saw me still crying he furrowed his brow and said, "I think you need a few more minutes."  Then he stuck some extra needles in between my eyes and on my ears and feet.  He loaded me up.  He did not want me walking out and scaring everyone with my puffy, ugly, cryface.  But in hindsight, I kind of laugh imagineing his face and him saying "I think you need a few more minutes." LOL:)

@Kemma:   Good luck with O!

@MrsRingor2011:   I'm sorry for your miscarriages:(  I've read about soy...I'm glad it's working for you!

Hi ladies.

Most of you know me, but here I am.  :o)  I am about 10 days away from starting cycle 6.  I went off BCP at the beginning of May 2011, have had perfect, textbook ovulary cycles for the last 6 months (which I know because I am completely OCD about charting everything there is to chart), but my BFP is nowhere to be found.  Last month was especially difficult for me because I was sure it would have happened by then and I had several very faint HPTs... I am convinced (although I never saw a doctor) that I had an early c/p - where the egg is fertilized but never implants.  Because of my very light periods since stopping BCP, I am trying B complex + iron + bromelain this month.

As most of you also know, this month I established the I-don't-give-a-F-about-TTC-and-I-like-wine club.  I dropped OPKs, charting, etc. and have been getting more sleep and exercise and just generally trying to relax.  Surprisingly, it has been a lot easier than I expected.  :o)  JHoller - I am absolutely NOT saying "just relax".  This all came about because I had turned myself into a nervous wreck and finally had to force myself to take a break.  I in no way expect that relaxation will equal a BFP.

My current plan is to lay low until the end of February, when I go in for a lap for a probable endo diagnosis.  They will do an HSG at the same time, although my doctor has reassured me that my u/s did not show *any* evidence of uterine scarring or tube blockage, so FX for me!  My u/s *did* show healthy egg development and lots of follicles, so I am hoping that we just need more time.  My husband will go in for an SA at about that same time as my lap, and then the serious TTC show begins.

All in all, I know that adoption is not for us, and I am not sure how far I am willing to go/how much money I am willing to spend/how much stress my marriage can handle to conceive.  As the new year progresses, my husband and I are going to have to have some hard discussions about these questions.

@carrieknitscake: You go, girl!!  I have wine book club tonight, so you know where my head's at.

I am rooting for all of you.  Thank you - everyone - for having the courage to share your stories.  Without this board and the ladies here I would be a total basket case.

@echalten: I'm glad you sound better! Have you been able to look into finding an RE or getting an appt?

@MGG: It's 11am west coast time- I hope there's a sperm connecting with an egg *now*!!! (does Genie head bob)

@septcabride: I can see why you wanted a bit of a vacation from charting, etc. You are the Charting Queen! You're always so knowledgeable when I lurked on the Charter's thread! One reason I can't allow myself to chart is because it would most definitely put me over the edge with stress. I would go nuts:) So I'm really glad you've enjoyed your month off from it all:). Just out of curiosity- why do you think you'll probably be diagnosed w/endo? Did I read that correctly? Just curious when you're u/s looked healthy...

@Dagret- Man that is awful that you have your same appt date:( Well, Merry Christmas!!! That's crappy:(. And I guess I should have bern an acupuncturist? They're rolling in the dough!

@carrieknitscake and septcabride: Wine really does help. Um, a lot:)

Just to note- I'm really not illiterate- I see so many typos in my posts! But typing from iphone- sorry!!!