Post # 1
So after our amazing wedding we are having some aftermath drama. I posted some (31 pics out of 1500) from the photographer on my facebook page. I got a lot of nice comments on them from family. which was my point since so many of them were not able to make it. So anyways i wake up this morning with a comment from my now niece which says:
“i really loved the wedding and all the pictures a lot but i’m going to be honest…..it was odd that there wasnt really any pictures of the ACTUAL (last name) family. Me nor my parents or jesse’s sisters or aunt didnt even get in any i dont think? i know for a fact that me and my parents for sure werent asked to be in any….its unfortunate becasue we would have been able to tresure the moment with more detail….but love ya!”
i’m not sure what to think. First of all, they were asked to stay after the ceremony for pictures but left and we called them to have them come back but no one answered the phone. DH’s mom and dad knew to stay, plus Father Todd said the family will be taking pictures after the ceremony. i dont know what else i could have done.
It’s not like I left them out on purpose, i would NEVER do that. and we do have some nice shots of the family from the reception, just more casual photos. i feel like from her comment that she thinks I did this on purpose. My feelings are so hurt, but i think maybe theirs are as well.
How should i handle this? i’m upset because she and her parents feel this way, but then again. you can tell me and not post it on facebook.
i dont know, what would you guys do?
Post # 3
Speak to you new MIL and have her relay your message – that you DID invite them however they neglected to stay in order to have their pictures taken.
And enjoy your pictures!!!!
Post # 4
Omg that sounds pretty much like exactly what happened with my FIL and SMIL. She wrote snarky things on my photos, and I deleted them and blocked her from being able to comment. It’s not appropriate.
How did I resolve it? I called her and I had a conversation with her about it, laid it all out there, take it or leave it. I would explain it exactly the way you did above, you asked them to stay, called them, etc and you’re sorry that you all missed the opportunity to have the photos together, but at that point it was out of your control. You’re not going to send out smoke signals and a search party looking for them. I would also let her know there are candid shots of everyone and that you can send those to her if she’d like.
Isn’t post-wedding drama just so much fun?! Uggggggghhhhhhhh.
Post # 5
@bakerella: i want to give you a hug right now! i felt like i was the only one having after wedding drama. i’m so glad i’m not alone. i was starting to think i was a terrible person.
i’m having lunch with my husband and i’m going to ask him what he thinks i should do. part of me thinks he should talk with them about what happened since it’s his side of them family. but then i feel like maybe i should since she wrote it on my photos and not his.
but i’m going to do some version of what you did i think. explain what happened,
Post # 6
@Op – I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. I agree with bakerella. I’d lay the cold hard facts out to her in a very nice but firm way, and definitely delete her comment. It’s not something that needs to be on your facebook and definitely not attached to your pictures! The shoe falls both ways too, I mean if she REALLY “noticed” all of this, and truly felt something was missing, she COULD have approached you or your FH and asked nicely if a full extended family shot could be taken. She didn’t and in fact as you stated, she left early! She lost her chance to complain in my humble opinion.
Post # 6
The truth. Obviously she (and her family) felt that they weren’t included even though they were. I think that letting them know that it was just a misunderstanding and that you still really value them would be the best option.
“I thought y’all realized you were included when they made the announcement for family to stay for pictures. We tried to call y’all but no one picked up. So bummed that we didn’t get any pictures together:( We’ll have to take an official family picture sometime with everyone next time we’re together!”
Post # 7
@MrsJules10: I would also call her and give her the facts. I would not post a response on Facebook. It would only add fuel to the fire.
I did have to smile a bit though when I read your comment to bakerella:
” i felt like i was the only one having after wedding drama. i’m so glad i’m not alone.”
Some days the Bee is full of nothing but wedding drama -pre or post wedding!
Post # 8
We had something similar happen and actually stopped speaking to some family members because of it (not to scare you or anything). My cousin decided to get on Facebook and say that none of my mom’s family were in any of the pictures but he heard the whole wedding was like that (he didn’t even go). We tried to explain it to him and my aunts but ended up getting really rude/condescending responses from him and my aunts telling us we’ve always been bad family members and to stop attacking him.
At that point, we had made our side of the story known and decided to let it go if they continued to act the way they did. They were in pictures and they were included but I guess felt like they should have been put on a higher pedestal than my husband’s immediate family or something. Explain your side of the story and if nobody accepts it as right or an explanation, then it’s not your fault.
Post # 9
@mg1363: that is a really good way to say it. i think i will take that approach.
I did take down the post. i cant decide if i’m more embarrassed that she put that up and feels that way or upset that i’m having to deal with it.
Post # 10
Just tell them what you told us. They can check their cell phone and confirm if they don’t believe you. What were you supposed to do? Hop in a car and go after them?
I would delete her post of FB so no one else can fuel the fire. I wouldn’t respond via FB. Also tell DH what’s up so he can nip niece’s snarkyness in the bud.
Post # 11
@MrsJules10: Some people have a really hard time understanding that your wedding wasn’t about them. Crazy concept I know! Seriously, both DH and myself had to tell his stepmom that. I’m not sure she gets it still. Just do your best to tidy up the situation and move on. You can’t dwell on folks who can only exist in the realm of drama.
Post # 12
the “actual ____ family”?!?!? Like the wedding is ALL ABOUT the family of your new last name???
People are so ridiculous sometimes.
Post # 13
@PinkPinstripes: i was taken back by that as well. i get that i’m “new” to their side of family but come on… i agree people can be ridiculous! not like i was sitting around doing nothing that whole time.
Post # 14
Haters be hatin’. I think deleting the comments and ignoring the haters for a while is probably the safest route to go, plus utilizing the in-family grapevine, as suggested above.