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There isn't a companion site yet, but I know most of my already married compadres have baby fever. You are in good company!
I wish there was, too. I just posted something in Babies about where women can discuss infertility. I'd love for there to be a venue where we can discuss all possible aspects of parenthood, babies, fertility, etc. "Babies" as a section doesn't even begin to cover it!
We've talked about baby bee, but it wasn't the right time to start a new site... I understand the difficulty of waiting though. My impatience wasn't about babies but just about getting out of residency and on with my coupledom life.
I tried to take one step at a time and immerse myself in the current moment while allowing myself to dream a little, but not obsess.
Waiting is not fun, especially 2 years is long. I understand also that if it may be difficult for you to conceive, the wait to be a mom will be even longer.
While you have agreed to this plan, you don't seem to be completely on board; maybe you and your husband should revisit the plan, to maybe start TTC in one year? If you do get pregnant before you two move, you still have to go through all the pregnency and will have time to move before having the baby. I don't know.. ON the other hand, you having no job or insurance do not play in your favor.
But to answer your question, what to do to make the wait easier... enjoy the time you have with your husband now, and make a list of things you can do together that will be harder to do once you have children and work on doing everything on the list!
When we got married, we wanted to wait two years before having a family. Then we decided to TTC around our first anniversary mark, so that if we have problems conceiving, we don't regret waiting too long. During that first year of waiting, we have traveled a lot and are renovating the house, and tasting lots of wine and enjoy restaurants... The wait is almost done now and I didn't see the time fly.
Good luck..
if we had babybee, I almost think another name would be better, as it almost sounds like we'd be copying Baby to Bee (I think it's an interesting site..)
While I think waiting for your family to be more settled is probably the best idea, given that you have PCOS you're going to really need to be on top of your fertility. I think you should get yourself to a doctor - if you don't have the $ or insurance, I would find a way. Consider it an investment in your family's future; PCOS is awful and heartbreaking to struggle with and it may take you a while to get pregnant. If you get to a doctor sooner rather than later and begin having active conversations about what it WILL take for you to get pregnant, it may help alleviate some of your anxiety about wanting to do it now. Also, when you are ready to conceive, it will be that much easier because you're prepared, physically/financially/emotionally.
We have been married about 6 months and we don't have a timeline. Its really frustrating not to know when it will happen. I know ideally now is not the right time but we do have stable income and insurance so it wouldn't be a bad time either.
Waiting can be so difficult... but it's a way of doing the "right thing" before the baby is even born... even conceived! Once we have babies, we will change our lives to do what is right for them. Just look at this step as doing the right thing... You and your husband have decided on a timeline that is the right time for you to bring a baby into this world.
I promise it will go faster than you think... just make sure to enjoy the things you are doing that you might not be able to do as frequently once you become parents.
My husband and I were originally on different timelines so I felt like I was waiting forever. At first, I went through a period where all I could think about was babies. I researched, I thought about potential due dates... all sorts of crazy! But then I became more reasonable about things. I started thinking about the spontaneous nights out that we were having, the trips we were going on, the last minute get togethers with friends that lasted late into the night. I decided to focus on cherishing these moments, because I knew we wouldn't be able to do these things once we have a baby.
We are now on the same timeline, and we are planning on starting to try in a few more months. Now, I find myself cherishing EVERY drink, every night out, every trip during these last few months. And I'm sure I'll cherish every moment once we are pregnant (if we are so lucky)... but I've found that focusing on all of the positive things in the present really helps lessen the crazy baby rabies!!!! :)
@eurekaanchovies: I read your post previously. I'm sorry I didn't have anything to add, so I didn't comment (In fact, I've been fairly silent on Wedding Bee since my marriage in September!). I will keep my fingers crossed for you overcoming your infertility problems and conceiving soon! I would love a site just for babies or maybe for all aspects of motherhood. Maybe even a site equivalent to this Nesting site I've come across- but more user centered and based.
@Mrs. DG: I understand wanting to get on with life! I've graduated, gotten married, started a new job, turned 27, and gone baby crazy all within 6 months. I very much feel like its a "wanting to take the next step" kind of thing in many ways. I'm certain these things all happening at once are what triggered my biological clock.
I can understand they want to start a new site at the right moment- timing is everything (in websites, business, and babies!). I hope the time comes soon for wedding bee to expand its "family" so to speak!
@egb: I'm on board and i am not. I agree, mentally, that we'll [hopefully!] be in a better place in 2 years, so we'd have more to offer a child. Its emotionally where I jump off the train and run the other direction! Emotionally I want a baby now! (Preferably one which looks exactly like my husband. ;)
I like your idea of getting pregnant before we move. My biggest worry there would be trying to find a new job in a new city/state where I've never lived before WHILE pregnant. I'd almost rather move, find a job, and then work on the baby makin.The list idea is a great one too! I mentioned this point just yesterday to my DH- we spent the day in bed reading and playing video games and I said as how we'd never be able to do that if we had a kid! I guess I should enjoy it while I can! :)
Oh, and I DO have a full-time job now (yay!) and my insurance will kick in next month (after 3.5 years without any, I'm quite excited about this!). Our big worry right now is that my job requires standing 9+ hours a day and does not have paid maternity leave. We can't currently afford for me to take a week unpaid, much less 6 weeks (which is all my job allows for new mothers unless more is medically nessairy and you have a doctor's note).
@feministbride: So far, PCOS has been nothing but a headache and it doesn't surprise me that it'll make trying to have a baby even worse. *sigh* I haven't had insurance for the last 3.5 years, but with my new full-time job I'll have insurance as of Dec. 1st! Woot! The two biggest problems with seeing someone about the PCOS and fertility, etc. right now are 1- Trying to find a Gyno who knows anything much about PCOS. From what I've researched so far, there are only 4 such doctors in S.E. Wisconsin! :O 2- Because of the hours I work (8a-5:15 or 6:15pm Mon-Fri) and my lack of sick time, I'm not sure how to schedule an appointment I could actually attend. None of the doctors I've found so far are close enough to where I work to be able to go during my lunch break either. I'll probably end up having to use a vacation day next year to deal with this issue.
@caszos: If you want a baby and are frustrated waiting, maybe you need to bring the topic up with your husband. I wondered how mine would take my baby fever, but he is enthusiastic about the idea of becoming a dad and if he wasn't so very logical, would have been willing to start ASAP. Its adorable how excited my DH is about us having a child together eventually! Maybe if you brought up how you're feeling and what you want, your DH and you could come up with a time line (or decide to start now! :D ) good luck!
@LoveHappy: I know its the right thing to do, to wait, but its hard! I do work hard to cherish this time with my DH. It is nice to be able to leave at the drop of a hat, to be able to decide to be as lazy as we want without worry (and vice-versa!), to not have to worry about getting kids off to school and myself and DH off to work, etc. To staying in the present and cherishing it!
@rabbit: I have totally brought this up to my husband plenty of times! I have talked to him about wanting a timeline or even discussing/identifying the things we want to do before TTC. He just says when it happens it happens or we will when we are ready. Basically it gives me no idea if he would consider it within 6 months or 6 years.
He did the same thing with getting engaged. I never doubted that he wanted/would marry me it was just convincing him that there will never be the "perfect" time.
His two best friends are going to be lifelong bachelors. It was very hard for him to make the leap into marriage and I think the jump into a family will be worse.
Also, his job has been unstable (but we can live on my salary) so I think he's a big concerned about doing the "man" thing and providing for his family.
Basically, I would be estatic if we agreed that in two years we could start TTC. More than likely in 2 years he will be ready, but he's not ready to say that right now.
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I have been married for almost 3 months now (yay! Everything is going awesome!) and we've recently had The Baby Talk. We're agreed that the best, most rational, most financially solvent time to start TTC is 2 years in our future- after my husband begins his PhD, we've moved to wherever that is, and we've settled in (to both the area and the shiney new grad school insurance). And rationally, I get this plan. It makes sense and it makes me value my baby-free time with my husband even more, knowing that our time together without children is finite.
But emotionally? I want a baby! I want to be pregnant, dreaming of what Our baby will look like, how we'll raise said baby, starting to expand our little family unit, etc. I don't want to wait to concieve at all! This is made worse by my panic over the idea that it might be really difficult for me to get pregnant, as I have PCOS and have had several cysts burst in the last year (which, Ouch!) and since I've been without insurance or (until recently) a full-time job, no money to get tests done to make sure the bursting cysts havn't done permenant damage. Also,back during June/July, I didn't have my period for a while (4 months total!) and had ALL the symptoms of being pregnant- which, while unexpected, had me totally over the moon with joy. Well, It turns out I wasn't pregnant (stupid PCOS messing with my body like that!), but I think the episode made my desire to have a baby much worse then it would have been otherwise. All I can think about since then is "I want to have a baby with my husband!"
How do you deal with the wait? What do I do in the meantime to make myself feel like I'm Not on hold to begin the next step? Is there anyone who said "the heck with being rational" and just started trying with positive results? We just want the best possible start for our future kids, but the wait seems like it'll be forever!
Also- Anyone else really wish there was a companion site to Wedding Bee called Baby Bee? or Nesting Bee? i love the wedding stuff still, but I'd love to see bloggers chatting about pregnancy, home improvements, and other married life things!