(Closed) The always controversial 'no kids'. Help!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7239 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@JMS313:  I think you’re going to have to be straight forward about it. “An Adults Only Affair” might be a more gentle wording. 

Post # 4
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MexiPino:  I agree.

 

People will always, always find a way around the whole “only the people listed on the invitation are actually invited” thing. Parents tend to think of their kids as extensions of themselves, included in the package. It’s an understandable assumption, of course, but it is one that you have to actively prevent from happening my being straight forward. I think Lia is right in saying “An Adults Only Affair” is a nicer way of saying it.

 

Some parents will be glad to have a night out where the decision to leave or take the kids with them was taken out of their hands (no guilt about wanting a night without the kids), but there will be others who take it as a personal affront, which is really too bad. Especially family. Family feels entitled to a hell of a lot.

 

Post # 5
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@JMS313:  I’ve seen [“Adult Reception” or “Adult Only Reception” to follow] printed before, which I think gets the point across pretty clearly. But with a nephew, you might need to reinforce that yes, that means him, too.

Post # 6
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Has your fiance agreed that he doesn’t want his nephew present? 

Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am trying to decide how to world this as well. We don’t want any children at the ceremony, and the reception is in a function room in a night club. I like: ‘We hope you understand that we have chosen to make our special day adults only.’ or ‘Parents please note: It is our wish to have an adult-only celebration. We hope that this advance notice means that you are still able to share our big day.’

Post # 8
Member
8326 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SnurfMurph86:  This and is he prepared for the fact that his brother may not attend the wedding and the possible family rift this might cause? If he has considered all this and still agrees next time they bring up the child attending just tell them straight. Etiquette wise it is considered impolite to point out who isn’t invited on an invitation.

Post # 9
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JMS313:  I had only the parents names on the invitation and lots of people brought kids (which was fine and expected) even though it was a sit down dinner so you definately need to write ADULTS ONLY 🙂

Post # 10
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You have three feasible options (since people just ignore who is listed) – 

 

Print “adult reception to follow” on the invitation…

 

or call the parents directly and let them know the deal. 

Sure, it’s technically rude to say who isn’t invited (adults only) but it’s also rude to show up to an event with someone who wasn’t invited and parents seem to do that all the time, so I think saying adults only is kind of the lesser of two evils there. 

 

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am doing this as well. I had worded it like everyone has said to and put “an adults-only affair” on the invitation. I know it is almost guarenteed that a child will be screaming during my ceremony if I were to allow children. I have agreed to pay for a babysitter for some of the kids in my fiance’s family. I am not so concerned about other people bringing their children if I tell them not to. 

Post # 12
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think its totally fine you want no kids. But I think you need to tell them its adult only WAY before the invitations go out. Like now. Really, I think the best time to have done this was for your finance to have just responded to that comment as “Oh, I bet the suit is adorable, but we’re having an ‘Adults Only’ wedding.” 

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well, for starts, I think your FI needs to talk to his brother about this since he’s made it clear that they think the nephew is invited and you don’t want it to be an unpleasant surprise when the invite comes – better to deal with it now.

I think the best way to handle this without using anything like putting ‘Adults Only’ on the invite (which I’m not a fan of), is to put on the RSVP card ‘We have reserved __ seats in your honor. __ out of __ will attend.’ Then you fill in that first and last gap with the number of people invited. If you write two, that lets them know it’s just the adults invited – and if they ignore it and write in that 3 or 4 are attending, you’ll have advance warning and can call and talk to them.

Post # 14
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I would give a reason on your website eg “because of space and cost constraints, we have sadly….”

People take it better if there is a good reason for it.

Post # 15
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

invite people by name and follow up with anyone who replies for more guests privately.  Don’t paint all your guests as impolite boors who would dare to bring univited guests to a formal event because of one or two guests who are dolts.

There is no polite way to say who is not invited. Adult reception to follow makes me think there will be hookers and drugs.

The only two options are not writing adult only, or having children screaming throught the ceremony.

There are plenty of polite ways to ensure no children are there.

However, you’ve missed a grand opportunity to explain in the moment. as soon as they started talking about the suit for Nephew, you should have cleared it up. “Oh too bad we aren’t hving kids” By not addressing it, you’ve just re-enforced that nephew IS invited.

 

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JMS313:  When DH and I married in 2011, we included a blurb in our wedding newletter that said “Due to the reverence of the ceremony and as the reception will extend late into the evening, children under the age of 5 will not be accomidated at the wedding ceremony or reception.” I actually got that wording here on the Bee.

My friend is getting married next Friday and included on a printed card in his invite was the request “the bride and groom request that chidren not attend”. My two kids are staying home hehehe. I’m ready for a night out!!

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