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So i know this may raise a few eyebrows, make a few heads shake and a few tongues tut, But we are asking for money instead of registering *SHOCK HORROR*
I have searched the hive for other bee's opinions and all the main posts said
'tacky', 'rude', BLAHBLAHBLAH.
The truth Mr christie and I have been living together for a year (nearly 2 by the time the wedding rolls around)
We are moving house again in MAY and i am 7 monthes pregnant with a bambino.
So we do not NEED a crystal vase or a silver cutlery set or even a clock.
What we would really like would be a little bit of money to put away for a holiday, or to decorate. WHATS WRONG WITH THAT!?
I have recieved invitations in the past with a card asking for money gifts and it doesnt bother me at all because in my family most are already living together with a few kids under the belt before a wedding comes around so a bit of extra cash instead of a pile of crap that we will never use sounds like a better idea to me...
Any other bees agree?
If your family wouldn't care, sure go ahead and ask.
I think *in general* the attitude tends to be that when they gift is implied, aka you're saying "Well you're going to get me a gift anyway so please make it money", that sometimes doesn't sit well with people. A gift should be accepted with appreciation, not dictated.
Personally if I saw "Please give money instead of gifts" on an invitation or something, I'd be a little put off by that. That of course, is just one person's opinion.
It seems to be a given here (well at the weddings I have been to anyway) to have a wishing well. Often a cute little poem is put on the wedding website or included with the invite to explain this to guests.
For example:
More than just kisses so far we've shared
Our home has been made with love and care
Most things we need we’ve already got
Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots
A wishing well we thought would be great
(but only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well
Then make a wish … but do not tell
Once we’ve replaced the old with the new
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness we’re sure
that one day soon you'll get what you wished for!
This website has heaps of different ideas for poems too...
http://www.bridesofaustralia.com/Wishing_Well_Wording_Poem.html
We got 99% monetary gifts for the wedding and we DID register. I think it is more common now to give money.
However, I always think it's rude for someone to tell me what to give them and implies that you are expecting a gift!
I think if you don't register and if people ask where you're registered you can simply explain the situation. But I wouldnt put it in the invite!
@KatyElle: I agree. You know your guests best. I, however, would be irritated to see that on an invitation. It's okay to spread your wish through word of mouth (most often done by the parents), but I think it's very, very rude to put it on an invitation. As a guest, if I saw that, I'd actually give less of a gift than I was planning to give, mostly because I don't like being told what to give (and I always just give cash/check, regardless of the wedding).
@ShellVee: I think this must be an Australian custom; I've never seen it here in the U.S., and even just reading it in your post, it gets under my skin for poor etiquette. But, just goes to show how different areas of the world view things so differently!
I normally give money to weddings I attend, as do most of my friends. I only give a gift when it's a close friend and I know she really wants the registry gift.
I really, really wanted my registry gifts and I had friends and family spread the word so I got a few more registry gifts than the norm. I still probably had at least 75% of my guests gift us money.
I think guests want to give gifts so that you think of the recipient when you use it. I easily have forgotten what monetary amount my relatives gave me, but I'll always remember who gave me my kitchenaid or my silverware.
Honestly, if I got an invitation with a "cute" poem saying "give us money", I wouldn't get then anything. No gift, no money, nothing.
You can register for some small stuff you do want/need. Then by word of mouth have your parents and wedding party spread the registry news and add on at the end "and they're moving into a new house soon, with a baby on the way, so giftcards to Lowes/Home Depot, or perhaps even cash would also be useful". It should be added in a way it seems like an afterthought, not the main part of the registry announcement.
Ehh. To eachs own. I wouldnt put anything mentioning gifts or registries or money anywhere near an invitation. I still personally think its rude to just ask your guests for money or to imply that youn want a monetary gift instead of a physical one. And i certaintly wuldnt be impressed if i got an invitation that told me what to give as a gift to the bride and groom. But again, to eachs own..
Not being from the U.S I'm sure that things are different there,
Just i cant remember a wedding where I didnt get a poem asking for money.
Our apartment is about the size of a shoebox and we have been living her for a few years, so we would much rather have the cash to get a bigger place or go on a honeymoon. I am registering anyways and just asking for a few things just to make it balanced I guess.
If your family is ok with asking for money, then go for it. If you're asking if I (or other bees) agree with asking for money, I really don't think you'll get a lot of positive feedback. Our opinion doesn't matter in this case because it seems like you're pretty set on asking for money.
@ShellVee: I think the wishing well poems are even worse than writing on the invite "give me money." Oh they make me cringe so bad!!!!
Agree with PP, no poems, and word-of-mouth only to those who ask (nothing on the invite).
In our culture, we seriously only get money at weddings. My sister's wedding cost over $40,000 and she rcvd $35,000 in gifts the night of the reception.
So I really don't think it's tacky.
It's not like your saying, give me money or don't come to my wedding.
Congrats on the wedding and your bambino!!
I think it is rude to ask for money and/or gifts. With that said, we have received invites that ask for money and we do give it.
Also, some cultures and some countries it is customary to give money. I am in the US and it is considered rude even though a lot of people do it. I know some Vietnamese people who live here in the US and they said it is just normal receive money as a wedding gift.
I would not be comforable asking for it, but lots of people do it so it's a sketchy area.
@mrschristie91012: More power to you, but if I got a wedding invite asking for money? I'd give a gift card to a store where purchases could not be returned for cash :o)
The irony of this is that when I see invites/websites begging for money - I get put off and don't want to give them money. But if they've registered or not said anything about gifts - I always write a check. Just something to think about, because I don't think I'm alone in that regard.
People say its tacky because it IS tacky, but whether or not you care is completely your perogative!
EDIT - ahh - didnt see you're overseas until after I posted. Thats different. I think the majority of the posts on this topic are from people in the States - where clearly traditions and etiquette have differences.
@redheadem: I agree. I rather it just be blunt instead of trying to be all cute about it, cause theres nothing cute about asking for money. I normally give cash anyways, but I'd still be miffed if I got an invitation actually asking for it. Theres a huge difference between asking for money and spreading word that you'd prefer cash over physical gifts imo.
@abbyful: "Honestly, if I got an invitation with a "cute" poem saying "give us money", I wouldn't get then anything. No gift, no money, nothing."
I'd be very tempted to do the same. I don't think I'd actually follow through with it as I wouldn't go to a wedding empty handed. But I would get them an actual gift, not money. I never give money - period. And a cute-sy poem is just going to irritate me.
@mrschristie91012: If that's the norm in your culture, go for it! It's amazing how very different certain wedding-related customs are in different cultures. As many of the US members are indicating -- the money thing here is still pretty dangerous territory. But if you aren't a US bride...it's an entirely different argument! Congrats on your upcoming wedding and baby! :)
I think this is up to your circle of friends, family, and culture. In our culture it is customary to give a monetary gift in a lucky red envelope. So there was no backlash when we decided to not register. I think your friends and family who know your situation won't even think twice about it. If people really have a problem they will most likely go out and buy you a gift and hopefully it's something you have use for.
We didn't mention anything about a gift registry in the invite. I find THAT tacky. We just put it on our website under registry. But like I said, in our culture it is customary to give monetary gifts so most people didn't need to be told in some cute/fancy way that we are not registry.
@mrschristie91012: Again, US bride here, so different customs, grain of salt etc.
Around here (Pacific Northwest) it seems to be assumed that if you either: don't register; or have a small registry that is the "subtle" way to ask for cash gifts.
I do not appreciate wedding invitations that mention gifts at all. The thought process behind this is: Are you inviting me to celebrate your special day or inviting me to buy stuff for you? The former I will happily do and bring cash/gifts in tow. The latter I will respectfully decline.
However, gift giving is a very culturally defined thing. So different countries/regions/ethnic groups can have completely different thoughts on it.
@mrschristie91012: I have been living with my FI for over two years now, we are getting married this fall. Being in my late 20's well okay I'm 29, but between the both of us we have everything that we need for our home. We are doing honeyfund, and also registering at a few stores.
@abbyful: I completely agree.
If someone asked me for money, through a poem or on a website/invitation/whatever, I wouldn't give them anything. Or I might give them an ugly toaster.
However, I would not be offended if there was a very small registry. I'd pony up and give the couple a check in a card.
I agree with you! I've been with my FI for 7 years, we've been living together for 5. We don't need anything. I've been looking at the poems, telling relatives that we'd prefer money, all of the other things. We would DEFINITELY be appreciative of what we get, but I would feel uncomfortable if a guest asks me down the road, "How do you like what I got you for your wedding" when I've returned it because I already have one. I'd prefer to make it plain and clear that IF they want to get us something, we prefer monetary gifts, not demanding to receive money.
My FSIL "registered" on this website where guests could "gift" them renovations they need for their home. It had things like "New kitchen sink: $100" in it. In the end though it was just a nice way of asking for money, because when you actually "bought" one of these "gifts" you either donated through Paypal or with cash for the renovations.
I think though the way they did it made it a lot easier to swallow for guests, because it wasn't outright asking for money. It was just like another registry where people could choose to give them something or not.
I think it is kind of silly that we have to tip toe around this so much, but no one was offended by my FSIL's registry and she got money which she needed more than new dishes or a salad bowl.
My FSIL did also have a regular registry at Macy's for those who really wanted to get them a gift instead.
@hayleerunk: If you're going to do it, the poems are even tackier than just saying you want cash. Have your parents/close family members spread the word that you're saving for X (downpayment, honeymoon, kids, vacation, etc) and would love a contribution to that. If I saw a poem like that on an invitation, I'd likely give less than half of what I originally planned on giving, if I gave anything at all.
I'd be super put off by this. But, thats just me. If it is normal for your group to ask for cash (or if you don't care what people think of you), by all means go for it. Your wedding is not a democracy.
This must be a US thing. If you ask for money I wouldn't think twice where I'm from its the norm. All power to you.
We are registered at Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, and are doing a cash registry. We are having a small wedding- these people know what is going on in our lives...which includes the fact that we have lived together for three years and are buying a house at the EXACT time of the wedding. I expect to get some gifts for my shower and either cash in the registry or in my hand at the wedding. I'm excited for a bit of both. I have my eye on some upgrades (PB towels with our Monogram...ANYTHING with a Monogram) and perhaps returning some of the redundent stuff and buying a brand new sofa.
Personally, I don't think it's tacky the way we did it. I followed etiquette and have not mentioned our registiries on the STD or the invites. Just referred people to our website. I personally think that regardless of how you register either at stores and/or for cash, the same people who are going to bring something will and the others wont. These people want to contribute to your new life and are celebrating your union...I don't think they will begrudge you the cash if you're polite.
We didn't ask for money directly but we did set up a honeymoon registry along with a gift registry. Our gift registry doesn't have A LOT on it since we've been living together for over 3 years so I'm really hoping we'll get some money to go towards the honeymoon. If you want the money to use for a holiday you might want to consider setting up a honeymoon registry!
I think in might depend on how close you are to your guests. In my case 90% of the guestlist is family(very close uncles, aunts and cousins) and the other 10% are long time friends. They all know we are moving cross-country 3 weeks after the wedding and there is no way we can ship all the stuff there. Close family and friends would want to share in your wedding regardless of what you ask for, they are just happy to be there for the ocassion.
On the other hand, in the 20+ weddings I have been to in my life, they have all asked for monetary gifts(no registries) but these where all in Puerto Rico. I think people would be more upset if they had to trek to particular store to buy a gift for the wedding. Apparently there is a HUGE cultural influence on the "asking for money" situation.
I think people who are your family and friends won't be offended. If people get offended then why would you want them there anyways 
. I've seen many invites asking for money and even sending a envelope attached. I think sending a envelope is not a good thing. The poem thing is not bad thing. My coordinator said I shouldn't add it to my invites because is rude. But the people you invite to your wedding suppose to be the people that are very close to you and shouldn't get offended.
I personally don't see anything wrong with asking for money, but, just like any other registry info, I'd never include it in the invite. Our registries are on our wedding website (we have a little card with the URL on it that's going in the invite envelope) along with other information, or they can ask.
I always give a gift when the couple asks for money. But I'm an etiquette stickler like that.
The only reason a regular registry is acceptable is that the purpose is to tell those guests who want to buy you something what you would particularly appreciate. It is not to tell guests that they should get you a gift.
Thus, a money registry is silly. Anyone who wants to give you money is already going to know that you'd like it, without your needing to register for it.
If what you want is money, you just don't have a registry or have a very small one. Then if people ask what you want, you say something like, "We really have all the things we need, so we're just trying to save for [a honeymoon, a house, or other savings goal]." That gets the message across without being tacky.
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