Post # 1
How do you feel about being a B-lister guest…
I’ve never been in B-lister shoes, even though, I had some “wish we could invite, but we don’t have room, and then we did have room and I was regretting not inviting, so I invited late” invites sent out…. but now being on the receiving end, it definitely feels like an afterthought.
I’m still happy for the couple, didn’t ‘expect’ to be invited, and would love to celebrate with them…. it just feels a tad AWKWARD!!!!
ETA: I’m getting invited because I’m friends with the groom’s parents. I know the groom and have never met the bride…. the groom and I used to be closer because he was friends with my ex-bf. I was a little sad when I found out some mutual friends were invited (and their extended family), but I chalked it up to not having a close relationship with the groom/bride.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Honestly, I don’t mind– I’ve been a B-lister before, and coming from a big family, I completely get it! if I have to choose between inviting my aunt and uncle and an old college friend– the family wins, but if they’re suddenly in thailand or something– i’d call up the old friend in a heart beat!
Post # 4
I probably would decline the invitation.
Post # 5
If it were someone I thought was a close friend, I might mind, but otherwise, I figure it’s nice to be included. I might even assume that they’re relieved to be able to invite me after all.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t mind at all (as long as it wasn’t like the week before or something!) So many people have big familes that they HAVE to invite first, and then they can invite more of their friends if some of the obligatory invites decline. Unless the person was my BFF, I would not be mad.
Post # 7
How do you know it’s a “B-list”?
Post # 8
I think you said it yourself, you wished you could have invited more people, but didn’t have room! Nothing wrong with beinga B lister. It means that they didn’t have room for you, but now they do. Hooray!
Post # 9
@happyface: I’ve been chatting with the groom’s father on a weekly basis about the wedding (ie: – how’s the planning, etc.). Last week, I was with him and the other invited guest (the one that’s bringing their whole family). They were talking about accomodations and about there being no kids invited, and it was a very directed conversation (it was obvious to me that we were not getting invited). It would have been normal for the groom’s father to say: ‘are you guys coming?’ – and he did not. Today rolls around and the groom’s father said he owed me an apology because he found out we weren’t invited. He said he asked the groom if we were sent an invite and was told no. He apologized and said that if we’d like to attend, he will have an invite sent to us. The wedding is in 5 weeks.
Post # 10
If I THOUGHT I was an “A-list” guest I’d be upset. If I knew I was not that close with the couple I’d be like SWEEEET PARTAYYYY
Post # 11
I figured I couldn’t be any madder for being a B-list invite than if I wasn’t invited at all.
Post # 12
I’m the lone other vote right now…. It really depends on my relationship wtih the bride and groom and what kind of wedding they are having.
I think I was blisted this summer… I didn’t expect and invite as we weren’t able to invite them to ours, but a lot of our friends were going. We got a text at the RSVP date saying they were “missing ours” and asked if we were coming. I mean maybe the invite legit got lost, but I think it was a “well we have space let’s be nice”. In this scenario I was fine with it, but if we were closer and the same thing happened I might feel otherwise.
Post # 13
“B-Listing” has been around for eons… both for Weddings as well as other major social events
The trick for the Host is knowing how to organize things so that your Guests ARE NOT AWARE they are B-Listed. Otherwise, it is a HUGE breach of etiquette !!
The key for weddings is clearly in getting your first round of Invites out early… and giving a good amount of lead time for the RSVPs… as the Regrets come back in… you send out aprox 50% of that number again as Round B Invites (so have 20 Regrets in hand = 40 Guests… send out 10 Invites = 20 Guests). This ensures you have some “wiggle room” incase for some reason, someone who previously said NO calls you to say they’ve been able to rearrange things, and now will be coming
NOTE – B-List Invites DO NOT have to be sent out all at once… they can trickle out in the same way that the Regrets trickle in.
Typically the B-List folks are more local than the A-List folks (example, Co-Workers, Childhood Friends, Friends of Mom & Dad etc) … so having a shorter lead time to RSVP isn’t a big deal… folks you would love to have there, if only you could spare the space !!
Most people aren’t offended, they are actually thrilled to get an invite, and because they are “friends” vs family, and because of that, they don’t necessarily have the info that the first round of Invites went out earlier.
Like other things in Etiquette, where this all falls apart… is how many people today don’t realize how to make this work properly… so ya, it is NEVER cool to get an Invite AFTER the RSVP REPLY BY DATE has passed. (*Rolls Eyes*) Nothing could be clearer that one is an after-thought than that !!
Post # 14
@oracle: That does not sound like B-list, that sounds like a genuine oversight that got corrected.
Somehow a girl we’re really close to, whom we were just sure we’d put on the rehearsal dinner invite list, did not get one. I discovered this a few hours before the dinner, when we were leaving an event that afternoon and she made no mention of seeing me at the dinner. I was mortified, and asked her if she was still free. She was delighted to come. So embarrassing! And such a relief that we caught it in time (but JUST in time!), and that she was willing to forgive our sloppiness. I don’t know if it was us, or Father-In-Law and StepMIL (who did invitations) who overlooked her. I’m still just horrified that it happened.
Post # 15
To be honest I might have been a B-list guest before and didn’t know it, which is the whole point. For someone to otherwise indicate that you are a B-list invite, in my mind, defeats the point of having a B-list to begin with.
If I knew that I was a B-list guest I probably wouldn’t be bothered with going. If we aren’t close enough for me to make the cut the first time around (again, that I know of) then why bother taking time off work, spending the money etc?
Post # 16
I would be totally fine with it. I get it. Sometimes a family member trumped a friend. Family member can’t make it but you’d love to have me? Great! I’d love to come. But I ONLY keep close friends. If you’re an acquaintance or a friend I’ve grown distant with we don’t even talk enough for you to know my address or even place of work to give me an invite so there is no worry with getting some random B-list invite from someone I barely know. In that case I’d decline. But a close friend? Yeah. I’m there. A-list, B-list, or M-list.