(Closed) The bachelor party… need support.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you should let FI tell the boys no party… and then tell him how much you appreciate him being so understanding – AND THEN DROP IT.  Don’t bring it up to him ever again – don’t tell him you now feel bad because he can’t have his night out, etc etc etc.

 

Post # 4
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think bachelor parties like this need to die out anyways, even my fiance told me that any guy who insists it’s tradition and that’s the only reason they are going with it is full of it. 

I totally understand your situation-it’s human nature to be jealous and insecure! It sounds like your beau is willing to compromise (even with a childish attitude about it) and that’s a huge plus!  I would ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned and you were going to be hanging out with hot naked men (while drunk) all night.  Maybe he will be more empathetic to your situation. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@oracle:

Totally agree with you on this, once it’s settled do not bring it up again, it will just rehash a recent animosity!

Post # 6
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with Oracle about letting him tell the guys it’s a no go… but I would also let him have some space to take charge in some desicion making there after… I might also really talk about the heart issue on it, which he seems to already be open to and understanding of with his not wanting to risk the relationsihp statement….

DH didn’t have a Bach party knowing that my heart in it’s imaturity and still dealing with past issues just couldn’t deal with it.. and I was just very upfront knowing that at this time & place I would likely resent him and didn’t want to try and be sorting that out or taking that into the marriage. When he really knew my heart on it and not just me trying to control it he was very understanding and accepting and came to me himself, as the final decider, and said he told the guys no.

You FH being “made” to not have one is definitely going to eat at him and his manly-ness and desire to lead (which is all good and neccessary) but just be ready to support him in his position and leader of ya’lls marriage when it comes around again.

I think the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties really have no place in marriages, considering the Romans and their take on what was moral and immoral.

I defitnitely understand and respest and support your place…. ((hugs))

Post # 7
Member
6025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think its not good to assume things like that your FI would not be able to control himself. If you have a no stripper rule than his friends should respect that and so should he but to say that you dont trust him to have self control is just not good. I do not necessarily think its tradition to have a stripper type bachelor party but it is tradition for the guys to celebrate together and have “man fun” lol. some do the stripper thing and some do things like a golf outing and a lunch. I really think that you should first have more faith in your FI, without trust and faith in him as a person this will not be the first and only time something like this happens. SEcond, I do not feel it is fair to tell him no party. It is a rite of passage of sorts and some form of a bachelor party should be allowed. I would suggest calmly sitting down and letting him know that he needs to lay down the law with his friends and let them know in no uncertain terms that strippers and the like are not going to happen and if they do he will walk out. period.

Post # 8
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Would he be able to suggest something other than a strip club/strippers?  I know my FI doesn’t even like strip clubs, so all the guys are going golfing or something instead. 

Post # 9
Member
14317 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m going to play the other side of the card.  I would just let him go and enjoy his night.  It’s a stupid “tradition” but obviously he wants to go if he said it like that and probably feels controlled and forced not to do something he sees as harmless except for the fact that you are willing to end it all over it.  I honestly do not understand why one night of objects, cause these women are not even really ‘women’, just objects and boobs can cause so much insecurity.  Once the night is over, its nothing, and life goes on. These strangers providing ‘entertainment’ is nothing but a joke for a night.

Scratch it… people have different lines for “cheating”.. if another womans boobs in his face is cheating to you… i’m sorry, then you are justified, he should accept that and not do this kind of bachelor party.

 

Post # 10
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

While I don’t support nudie bars for many reasons, I do think that if you tell him he can not have a party he is going to resent you forever.  He could definitely have a say in what he and his guys do for his party and they can have plenty of fun w/out the strip club!  Would that be an option for him?

 

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m going to be the one to say that I think you’re overreacting.  I think it’s fine to say you don’t want him at a strip club, but let him go out drinking! 

Post # 12
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would let him go. There is going to be a lot of resentment on his part if you dont. You just need to talk to him about things you are not comfortable with and WHY. You should have enough trust in your fiance to let him go to a strip club and know that he will make the right decisions for your relationship. Or suggest doing a bachelor party that doesnt involve a strip club. Either way, I think you need to let him have his night.

Post # 13
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My FI and I don’t believe in bachelor parties.  The reason you are getting married is because you are both ready to be not single, so this is not a time for the guy OR girl to go out and mourn the passing of singlehood.  A party celebrating his future life and his future wife would be the most loving and respectful to you.  Sorry stardustintheeyes, but exactly what is the point of having a stripper, lap dancing or not? This is not a time for him to be lusting after another woman.  There is absolutely no time when that is ok.  He’s going to be looking, and if he had no desire to do that, I’m wondering why he’s copping the attitude.  I’m having a spa day with my girls.  He’s probably just going to go bowling with his guys.  The best man is the kind I would expect to try to pull something, but my FI has made it clear.  Right now, up to, and within our marriage, he is going to be honoring God and me.  And yes, I’m betting if the tables were turned, it would be a whole different tune.

Post # 14
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wasn’t going to comment on this, but I have to agree with stardustintheeyes

Post # 15
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If its that big of a deal to you and he doesn’t want a typical bachelor party, why doesn’t he suggest to his friends that they go camping or gambling or play gold or eat steak or go to a club or something? He can have a party without seeing boobs.

Post # 16
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kingytobe: lol @ He can have a party without seeing boobs.

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