Post # 1
I am struggling on how to handle a situation.
Brief history – my niece was married this summer in a lovely ceremony and reception in my brother’s back yard. The event totally reflected her and her artistic flare. Problem – my sister-in-law and niece didn’t think to hire a wait staff to replenish buffet, bus china, cut and distribute cake, etc. etc. Those duties ended up falling on me and my sister. We were schlepping from 9am until well after 6 pm, barely having a moment to sit and shove food in our mouths. At the end of the day, not a single ‘thanks’ or anything of the sort.
I am getting married in December. I have addressed every single detail with care and consideration and while my bridesmaids and family have offered numerous times to help with the tedious tasks that need to be executed, I have politely declined because I want everyone to feel like they are experiencing my wedding as a treasured family member or friend … in other words ‘you are my guest and therefore you will not lift a finger!’
Question is this – do I maintain the same rule-of-thumb for my sister-in-law or do I put her to work with pre-wedding preparations???!!! The devil in me says “make her fingers BLEED!” and the angel says “she is your guest too and you might even deliver a message to her in the process of not asking her for any help.”
Hmmmmm …. what-to-do what-to-do!
Post # 4
I know you aren’t serious.
Post # 6
Was this a one-time oversight on the part of SIL?
If so, I’d be just as gracious to her as everyone else. No fingers lifted, yadda yadda.
Not so one-time, in fact, she’s always asking a little too much from you?
I’d be mostly above it… mostly. But yeah, I’d ask her to do some things, ideally some similar types of things to what she asked you for, because frankly, if she’s a “taker” kind of person, it’s never going to be balanced between you two, unless you push back.
Post # 7
I am not even suggesting putting her to work the day of the wedding … I am just talking about things like, putting favors into bags and alphabatizing escort cards, etc. etc.
Post # 8
Oh please people. Like it hasn’t crossed any of your minds to be a jerk to someone who was so inconsiderate to you! geez….
OP, while I find your idea entertaining I would definitely just be better than her and handle things the right way. If you do seek revenge, you are no better than she is.
Besides, no one forced you to take on the role you did at her event. You did that of your own free will. If there was no wait staff you should have let her figure it out on her own. Instead, you did the work on your own. I would have done the same but you werent forced by SIL to do this. She didn’t ask it of you. At least I dont think she did based on your post. So you’re gonna punish her for something you CHOSE to do?
Post # 9
I have someone similar to this in my family. They often use people and tend to think of themselves first. If your niece and SIL are anything like mine, they prolly won’t even think to offer help.
On the flip side, this sounds like a case of what you’d like to do (giving them a taste of their own medicine) versus what you will do (because you know they prolly won’t get it anyway and you don’t want to be like them).
Post # 10
Dont be petty OP, you’re better than that.
Post # 11
@stardustintheeyes: she didn’t ask me … she assumed. I showed up the morning of the wedding and she rattled off all the things she needed me to do. True, I didn’t say no.
Post # 12
Exactly. I think that if you really do need the help then it isn’t bad to ask for help since she had no problem asking you to help. But I wouldn’t specifically go off and give her all kinds of stuff just to be mean.
I probably wouldn’t have told her no even if she had asked, but knowing how you felt, and what her actions made you think of her, I woulnd’t want to be viewed that way so I wouldn’t do it back to her simply because I would do things right and make sure it was noticed.