Post # 1
Hi Bee’s, I’m rather new here but need some advice!
My step-aunt has 5 year old twins that she is INSISTING she is bringing to my wedding. I have repeatedly told her that there are no children under 12 at the wedding. First she said that it was fine, she understood. Then she said that she was bringing them and that would just attend the ceremony and the reception long enough to eat then she would send them to their hotel room (our venue is at a hotel and they got an overnight room) with her 16 year old daughter for the rest of the evening. I again explained that there were no children under 12 and this would not be fair to everyone else who we told no kids to, including my sisters who have young children, not to mention me paying for 2 5 year olds to eat meals that they would eat 5 bites of (of course I didn’t say that part to her!) Not to mention these are not quiet and shy kids, they are loud and rambunctious (sp?) children.
She said that was fine then a few days later said she would bring them and they would stay in the room the whole time with her 16 year old or use the hotel pool while she and my uncle attended the wedding. I pointed out that the hotel rules state that noone under 18 can use the pool without an adult present, and I know these kids well, they would NOT stay in the room, they are attached to their momma’s hip and would constantly be with her.
How many times do I have to say no? I have told her many times that it is NO KIDS!! That we understand that if they cannot come because of childcare issues that we will miss them but we understand that they will not be able to come. I’m at my wits end here, I don’t know what to say to make her understand that her kids are not welcome to attend. My mother has talked to her and explained it to her too, she just won’t listen!!
Post # 3
Is there a “Hire a nanny” service in your area? They can organise things for the kids to do and keep them away from the wedding.
In the end, You have given her plenty of notice that you do not want children at your wedding. Stick to your guns, say NO, and the rest is her problem to sort out. This is something you shouldn’t have to worry about.
Post # 4
I would tell her what you said in the last paragraph –
“I’m sorry, but no children can come to the hotel or wedding. If that means you can’t come, we will miss you.”
When she realizes how serious you are, maybe she’ll look into childcare.
Post # 5
I don’t have any other advice to give that PP haven’t said. I ran into this issue too, so stick to your guns! People can be rude and entitled sometimes.
Post # 6
I don’t know… Your aunt bringing her kids to the hotel but having her daughter babysit while she and your uncle attend the wedding seems like a good solution. This way she can sneak out and see them if she needs to or wants to. All you can really do is stress that kids are not allowed at the wedding – but you can’t ban them from the hotel. If they are attached at the hip I think it would be more likely that she would leave the wedding to be with her kids rather than her kids showing up. Besides, if they are 5 their bedtime has to be around 8 right? Maybe you can suggest that her daughter watch them during dinner, then she can go be with them until they go to bed, and then she can come back to the reception since it goes until X time.
Post # 7
It’s not your business if the kids go to the hotel pool with the 16-year-old; that’s between your aunt, the 16-year-old, the kids and the hotel. If she wants to have the older kid babysit the younger ones, I don’t see anything wrong with it, and if the kids get booted out of the pool for being too young, that’s not your problem.
Post # 8
@AlwaysSunny: I have made that exact comment to her, on 4 seperate occassions now!
Post # 9
I don’t understand why you care what they do in the hotel – if the hotel has an issue with a 16 year old and a 5 year old at the pool, they will handle it. As long as they aren’t in your ballroom at your wedding you shouldn’t care. I don’t think you can tell her she can’t bring her kids at all. Hire a babysitter for them so her 16 year old daughter can enjoy the wedding. We are hiring 3 of my younger sister’s friends to babysit and have gotten them a suite to babysit in with all the kids and then they will have the nice room to themselves for the night.
Post # 10
I don’t think you can tell her not to bring her kids to the hotel. Definitely tell her (as you have) that the kids absolutely cannot attend the wedding, for any part of it, and then leave the rest to her.
I think having the kids in the hotel with the sister babysitting sounds like the perfect compromise. They won’t be attending the wedding, you won’t have to pay for their dinners….it’s a win-win!
ETA: And yeah, as PP said, if they go to the pool and get busted, that’s their problem, not yours. Based on my experiences at hotel poo;s, though, I really doubt they’ll get in trouble. A 16-year-old can watch kids in a pool just fine, and the hotel staff aren’t exactly going to be checking her ID to see if she’s 16 or 18.
Post # 11
@RunsWithBears: unfortunately no, Aunt and Uncle are partiers and usually take their kids with them wherever they go. The kids have no routine, no bedtimes and generally lead an unstructured life. The kids are very spoiled and get what they want, when they want it.
I agree that I can’t ban them from the hotel and would never presume that I could. Aunt won’t leave the party to tuck her little ones into bed, once she starts drinking and dancing that will be her primary concern and if the kids want her, they will have to come get her, its happened at many family weddings in the past. Their invitation to the wedding was an ‘obligation invite’ because they are family, not a ‘we want them there’ invite. Also, we didn’t invite the 16 year old to the wedding. We didn’t invite any of the cousins
Post # 12
@chickiebee: Well that kinda sucks. But honestly, I’m not sure there is a whole lot you can do other than to keep reminding her that they aren’t allowed and if they can’t make it because of the kids then you’ll understand. If they show up anyway maybe you can have your mom tell her that the kids need to leave? Do you have a wedding coordinator?
Also, if this happens at other family weddings then presumably your family is aware that this happens and won’t be offended that her kids came but their’s weren’t allowed. Also, if people bring it up after the fact, you (or your mom or your FI) can make a (snarky) remark about how hour aunt’s kids weren’t invited – that way those asking know that you weren’t trying to exclude their kids and that your aunt was the rude one.
Post # 13
If she’s being this thick about it, you’ll need to be more blunt. Can you Mom/another adult relative share the news so that you don’t have to worry about it anymore? If not, I think that exact statement is absolutely perfect.
Post # 14
Thanks! There is the coordinator at the hotel so I assume I can say something to her about keeping them out of the ballroom. I really don’t mind them being at the hotel, its them coming to look for her, which I KNOW will happen.
My mom has been very blunt with her and so have I.
Last year at my brothers wedding she did the exact same thing and her kids kept coming into the reception to ‘find mommy’. “Mommy” was on one side of the ballroom watching the first dance, twin 1 ran across the dance floor to get to mommy, calling loudly for her that he “had to go poopy”, interrupting my brother and his new wifes first dance. It again happened several times throughout the night, them coming in, searching for mommy on the dancefloor, adults not expecting little kids and then they are underfeet while dancing is going on, then she decides to let them stay ‘just for 1 dance’ which turns into 30 minutes. It would be different if she was a responsible parent.
I’ll just keep being firm. They only live an hour away, its not as if they have to travel far and she has lots of family she can leave them with, I just don’t understand why she insists that they have to come.
Post # 15
@chickiebee: One ran across the dance floor yelling he had to poop!? That’s terrible, disgusting, and really annoying. I would talk to the coordinator and let her know the situation. That why she can be the bad guy and nag your aunt about having the kids there (should they show up).
Post # 16
@RunsWithBears: That’s terrible, disgusting, and really annoying. Yes it is and it happened during the FIRST DANCE!!! and THAT is exactly why I don’t even want them at the hotel LOL mommy dearest thought her little buttercup was oh so cute