The best laid plans: What were your successes and failures vs. the plan?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

iarebridezilla:  Like you my plan was to breast feed, that went out the window. Between struggles of not producing enough milke to latching problems.

Having a full term baby, yep as you know that went out the window to. I never expected or dreamed of having a child at 32 weeks.  Spending the first 4 weeks spending every day in the NCIU instead of caring for my child at home. 

Things that have gone correctly so far.  My son has learned good manners, he says please, thank you and excuse me. He knows his numbers up to 20.  We are currently working on shapes, colors and ABC’s.

We haven’t really started to potty train yet, that should be a fun one..

Post # 4
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You should put the natural childbirth thing on your résumé.  You seem awfully defensive about it.

Post # 5
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is really funny – I can pretty much take your items and shuffle them around:

Oops, not according to plan:
– I was adamant about no pain meds. Then labor started. I couldn’t hang, and got the epidural. Next time I won’t feel so guilty if I want pain meds!
– Cloth diaper fail. I spent $300+ on supplies. When i tried the first prefold, it was so bulky. And then regular baby laundry started and I said screw this – we live in a tiny NYC apartment, have a mini washing machine and no dryer. I gave away my supplies to a lady on a budget who was looking for used diapers, in the hopes it would give me good mom karma. I hope her baby’s butt is fluffy and happy. I now get Earth’s Best Diapers dropped off at my door.
– Baby led weaning. I was terrified of giving my son chunks of solids when he started to eat, and ended up doing purees.

As Planned:
– Breastfeeding has been a really happy, easy, pain free process for me. I realize I’ve been super lucky. We’re at 15 months now with no plans to quit.
– Besharing – I totally wanted to bedshare! My husband was against it, but it lets us all have a peaceful nights sleep. My son does about 4 hours in the crib, then joins us in the bed. I love having him snuggled up next to me.
– No sleep training. I didn’t want to do it. My son still goes to sleep in my arms and wakes a few times per night (usually 1-2 times before I go to bed, then once when he is in the bed with us). I can honestly say I feel well rested 95% of the time. I’ve adjusted to it, and I am half asleep when he wakes at night to nurse. I’m not sure how we will have to adjust when we are ready for baby #2, but for now this works for us!

Post # 8
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Commenting to follow. We’ll be first time parents in December if everything works out the way it should and I find it really interesting to hear about other peoples plans and why they worked/failed. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I think it’s good for me to get a more realistic grip on things rather than just assume that things will work out just the way I thought.

Post # 9
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

The fail:

After a great start with bed time routines and consistent sleeping, we slipped into some bad habits with her 9 month sleep regression.  She woke in the middle of the night, and instead of working on sleep training and creating good habits, we gave in and DH took her out of her crib & played with her until she was tired again.  This made DD think that 2:30am was a lovely time to play.

The fix:

We took her binkie, cold turkey, and really worked hard to be more consistent with her bedtime routine.  We did a CIO-lite, so no long screaming jags but we did let her attempt to self-soothe for 5-10 minutes in a stretch.  We gradually increased our intervals to about 20 minutes, but by the third night we no longer had to go in and settle her down.  She now rarely wakes overnight, and when she does she goes back to sleep on her own with no fussing.

The fail:

We wanted to cloth diaper, but we got so many disposables as gifts we decided to just roll with it.  

The fix:

Slowly, I picked up a few cloth diaper one size 2 in ones and we now cloth diaper part time.  She doesn’t get diaper rashes anymore, and we even found one that works great for overnights (she’s a heavy wetter and sleeps about 11 hours at a time).

The fail:

Breastfeeding.  Nursing was painful, she was lazy, I was never empty and she was never full.

The fix:

I pumped exclusively for over 7 months, and started supplementing my freezer stash at 7 1/2 months to provide her with at least some breastmilk daily until about 8 1/2 or 9 months.  After that we went formula.  That’s not really a fix, but it’s what I did to make sure she got breastmilk without nursing.  I’m going to try harder with nursing this time around, but if it doesn’t work, I can always fall back on pumping.

The fail:

She screams when we put her in the car seat, but once we are driving she usually settles down.

The fix:

Well, we don’t want to turn her forward facing until 2, so we don’t really have a fix other than to bring a sippy cup with a little water in it, or a toy, or a book, or something to occupy her.  If anyone has any advice, I’m all ears.  But in the end, if she hollers that’s ok because I want her rear facing.  If she begins to throw tantrums that are distracting, I’ll reconsider since being a distracted driver is less safe than a forward facing toddler who weighs about 23lbs.  For now, though, I’m keeping her cranky ass facing the rear.

 

I have a few successes too, like not bed sharing (except for naps on the weekends) and working hard to get her exposed to lots of different foods and flavors so she’s not a picky eater.  I’m sure her toddler years will test that, but I just have to make sure that her diet is balanced and she at least tastes food before rejecting it.  I don’t want meal times to be a source of anxiety or frustration, but I’m not cooking different dinners for everyone either.

I also succeeded with baby wearing.  It’s easier than hauling a stroller everywhere, and she feels like she’s being held so it’s a win-win.  Now that I have a bump for #2, I wear her on my back and buckle the Boba carrier under my boobs but above the bump. 

I also feel like I have a good balance between keeping my own individuality and being a mom.  It’s easy for it to be all-consuming.  It’s easy to lose part of your own identity when you’re trying to figure out how to keep this tiny human alive and healthy.  I have a great support system and I’m not afraid of taking a little time for myself.  I have learned to be accepting of the fact that I’m not going to be 100% patient 100% of the time.  I’m going to get frustrated, I’m going to mess up, and I’m not going to be perfect.  DD needs to see me fail sometimes, and she needs to see me get back up and try again.  She needs to see that nobody is perfect, and that when she makes a mistake we are going to love her no matter what.  We let her fall down, we let her try something new and get frustrated, but we help her out when she needs it.  I want her to be independent, confident, and comfortable in her own skin, so I guess I try my best to be those things too.

Post # 10
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My little kitten is only 6 weeks old, but I have a few to contribute!

Going as planned:

-labor at home as long as possible–the only part of my plan I was adamant about. (I was so anxious about being sent home from the hospital and wanted to just be freaking admitted when I got there.)

-breastfeeding

-cloth diapering

-babywearing

 

Not going as planned:

-blissful co-parenting! HAHA. I hafta admit, I observed my BFF’s marriage get a little tense since her kid was born, and DH and I would kinda side-eye them when they would get into little spats (“She’s so fussy! Can’t you hold her?” “YOU DON’T ONLY GET TO HOLD HER WHEN SHE’S HAPPY, OK?!”) and um, yeah. We are totally that couple already. I told myself I wouldn’t “keep score” with who does what, but when I was up 4 times in the night to change and feed our kid, I am going to remember that in the morning…

-limiting ALL THE STUFF that babies bring into a house. I try to live a simple life and do my best to limit our household waste, etc. (I had an awesome secondhand/low-waste baby shower!). Now I am valuing convenience over everything, which means I am accumulating a household of baby crap that promises to keep my baby happy, my home cleaner, and life easier. Amazon prime 2 day shipping? Hells yeah. Send me all the things. You can even send me extra cardboard in my shipment, Amazon, and I won’t cry like I would have 2 months ago. (just kidding. I am working on this. but it is way harder now that babe is here… I am doing a lot of online shopping and welcoming a lot of unnecessary stuff into my home because I am bored/a sucker consumerist mommy/sentimental–sidenote, I just bought the cutest baby book…)

Post # 11
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

iarebridezilla:  HAHA that is so true, he knows when he is wet or poopy. He even will tell me that but when I say lets go change your diaper. Yeah no.. way mom.  I have been trying to talk up big boy undies and all kinds of potty books that we have.  Even his cool potty chair.  Nah nothing, oh well he will when he is ready

Post # 13
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

DaneLady:  Holy postpartum hormones but your last paragraph made me feel all sappy. Also, babywearing while pregnant? You’re a rockstar!

Post # 14
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Went as planned (or hoped for):

-Totally medicated, pain free birth. Hooray for epidurals!

-Post baby body looks better than before! Dropped below pre-pregnancy weight by 3 weeks (have since gotten back to old weight due to returning to work and participating in “Donut Friday”). By God’s will I managed to avoid stretch marks, my stomach is back to being flat and toned and boobs stayed relatively in their upright position. I’m very happy.

-Being easy-going and flexible about just about everything. I went into being a mom with very few expectations, and everything has worked out great! My baby is very easygoing because we really have him on a schedule and we’re always out and about with him. He also is just naturally good natured, which has nothing to do with my mothering skills, we’re just VERY lucky on that front!

-Wanting to go back to work and not be a SAHM. Everyone said “once he’s here, you’ll want to be home with him.” NOPE! I need to have adult conversations and he needs to have peer interaction and spend the day with people who love entertaining babies. Win-Win!

Not worked out as planned:

-Breastfeeding: Wasn’t planning on breastfeeding AT ALL. Had bottles and formula all ready to go. Son latched perfectly in the hospital and thrived, so I just kept going. Made it until I went back to work at 4 months and couldn’t pump enough to support him in daycare until I finally transitioned him to formula. He’s still doing great on formula with solids.

-Stress with Hubby: I took on 100% of childcare because hubby owns his own business and works long hours. However, during the first 3 months, he still had a really hard time adjusting, even though he did practically nothing. It was internal pressure that he put on himself for being away from the house too much and not helping enough (a lot had to do with my breastfeeding so there wasn’t much he could do). I never put any pressure on him and never felt resentment, but it was hard on him. It’s gotten much better now that DS is finally interacting and on formula and DH can play a more active role.

-Stress with ILs: For some reason, call it hormones, possessiveness, whatever, a lot of what my ILs did with regard to the baby rubbed me the wrong way. They want to see him every weekend, buy him gifts he doesn’t need, are constantly calling and emailing me asking for updates and pictures of him (even though they live 30 minutes away). It caused a lot of tension for me. It’s my own problem, they’re only being loving (though a bit overbearing) grandparents. In the end, my son is lucky to have them, so I just need to get over it.

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