(Closed) The Best Man / Groomsmen Dilemma

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, why is your mom giving you a deadline?  It’s nice to ask a year in advance but I don’t think you need to be so strict about it.  I’m sure this weekend will be fine for your girls! 🙂

As for the guys, maybe you could mention to you FI that it would be nice to let the guys konw really far in advance so that they could make sure to “save the date”.  Also mention that they will need to start planning his bachelor party (this should get him more excited about it).  Are the guys renting tuxs?  If so, you will need to provide the store with their names and contact info.  It might be awkward for them to get a “reminder” call from Men’s Warehouse if they do’nt even know they are in the wedding.  Lastly, I’m sure the guys are wondering if they are in the wedding!!  I know guys don’t get as excited about this stuff as we do but I’m sure they are at least curious!  Plus, if he askes them at the last minute, it will look like they are a last minute back up for someone who backed out or something!!

Post # 5
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I can totally relate.  We started planning our wedding back in May.  Talked about attendants and everything.  FI pretty much as one really good friend–and I’m good friends with him too.  So, back in June when I’m looking for sister’s MOH dress (we’re talking only one attendant each!), I ask when he’s planning on asking BM.  He says he’ll get around to it.  I see future BM at an event.  BM asks about wedding planning and I tell him a bit about it and BM makes a comment that ends with, “that is, if I’m invited.”  By this point, it’s mid August.  Back in July I ask if FI is going to wait until BM’s 50th birthday (which was mid-Sept) and we planned to take him out since it was a big b-day and all.  He assures me that it will be long before then.  September rolls around and I get cc’d a cryptic email about a birthday party for BM and some other people.  Well, we’re at the b-day party (a couple days after the b-day but before we take him out), BM asks about wedding planning.  So, FI says, “well, you know there’s one big thing that’s kind of important that I need to do” and FINALLY asks him.

You might hint that the potential groomsmen might be planning vacations and such to get some action.  The fact that our BM competes in some triathlons and goes on an extended trip to the family summer home each year was the only driving factor of why FI thought he should ask sooner (rather than later).

Post # 6
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Most importantly, groomsmen are people too and they have lives so they would appreciate it if they get to plan ahead. They also need to wear suit/tuxes so that needs time to be tailored/bought/reserved. Best man also need to make a toast so the best man would appreciate it if given adequate time. Most imprortantly, people may turn down the invitation or bail out of the invitation so we all need more time to invite alternative wedding party members too. Last but not least, doesn’t your FI want an awesome bachelor’s party? that needs time to plan too!

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I thin explaining some of these practicalities is important.  It’s not prudent to wait until the week before to ask the GMs.  Howevr, In all reality, I don’t think it’s necessary for him to ask the Gms this soon, if he really doesn’t want to.  Is he concerned someone might move away or grow apart?  Even if it’s not that complicated, I think he has time.  How about a compromise?  “OK, I guess it doesn’t take as much advance notice to rent tuxes as it does to buy a BM dress.  But we do need several months to give them time to save money, prepare seating arrangements, ceremony order, tux style etc….”

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Good luck, Bella.  I don’t think the guys will say no.  Pehaps you can invite them over for dinner and while you’re tending to stuff in the kitchen your FI can ask.

In the end our BM told us how honored he is.  And he includes it most emails he sends me now!  I almost think he’s more excited that my groom (which my get my FI to do more too!).

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