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That's sweet. This one if kind of funny, but it always stuck with me.
"To make a good marriage, the husband must be deaf and the wife blind "
Not advice but something I in general learned that has been sooo beneficial for our relationship.
Don't say it - when something upsets you or irritates you don't say anything, sleep on it for a day or two, if you are still irritated or upset a few days later then sit down and talk about it. Emotions cloud my judgement sometimes and I find that a few days later when I think about things that DH has said or done, with logic a few days later they just don't matter in the big picture. I can say that it works for me and avoids stupid bickering, but I can't say that it would work for everyone.
@tksjewelry: Thats advice I need to take! I can be such a fireball sometimes!
Treat others how you would want to be treated......everytime I want to say something mean, or spurt out something in anger. Like if the DVR didn't record right or the trash is getting full, or when he doesn't drive right (LOL :D). Or hell, if i'm at the store and I think...hum, I bet he would like a diet mt. dew.... I always think, how would that make ME feel? Good or bad, how would I feel? Or even if it's a secret, or something personal, I think ,"how would I feel if it were the same info and he didn't tell me?" Bam...problem solved.....
These are my own words, so they wasn't given to me. But when someone asks what is your best relationship/marriage advice? I always say - You're fighting a losing battle. Because you are arguing with the one person you are suppose to be working with through life's challenges, together! You have to remember, you are on the same team! Don't let pride take you over. Pride doesn't make you right in the arguement, it only makes you weak as a team. If you really want to win, stop fighting a losing battle no matter who started it & figure out what is going to make it work. Because you can only win if you both make it together, not by figuring out who is wrong or right.
My aunt told me this: "You choose your love--now love your choice!" For me, this is such an important reminder that love is a deliberate choice you have to make every single day, in the good times and the bad. I chose FI, and I have to keep choosing him and choosing to love him for the rest of our lives. It's work, but it's such important and rewarding work!
@tksjewelry: I really like your advice! People can get so heated up & say things out of anger. Without thinking about what they're saying. So I always try to think before I speak!
@Mrs.Estep.....AMEN!! We Agree over here in The team Ajax house!!! YAY TEAMS!!! :D
@Mrs.Estep: That is such a great point. FI actually told me once: "you realize we are on the same side, right?" It's surprising how sometimes we can forget that...
@Mrs.Estep: For sure! :) Im bookmarking this thread as a reference after I'm married! :)
@mrs.estep- love that advice! I've heard of marriage as being a team, but I never heard it worded so succinctly. :)
@Jazziberry: Thanks!
I too had heard it before, once. I just heard it short & simple "We are a team." & One day when someone asked me about arguing adivce that is the words that came out of my mouth only more detailed I guess? lol & Now I tell it to everyone!
Advice my mother gave to me: Never ever fight about money,especially if you dont have any. Its what lead to her divorce to my dad, and she says they would always bicker about bills,paying for things etc.
My advice to newlyweds is always to respect your spouse, always thank them, show your appreciation for them, and never take them for granted.
A poem by Ogden Nash entitled "A Word to Husbands," though it applies equally to wives:
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
Go to bed angry! I know, I know, everyone says never to go to bed angry but it was the BEST advice I have ever received. If you stay up and hash it out, you are likely to not sleep and that just intensifies the situation. I cannot tell you how many times we've argued about stupd stuff (because most of the time, any argument is stupid stuff) and we go to bed angry. It's only a matter of minutes before we are cuddling up and apologizing. It's so much better than staying up and getting pissed about nothing.
Someone once told me "You will have good years and bad years, it's inevitable. Just make sure you hold onto the good years with your heart and make the best of the bad years". Not necessarily the most romantic piece of advice but one that's realistic lol, probably why I remembered it.
I love ALL of the nuggets of wisdom on here...
I think some wonderful advice that I have received that Love is an action- not just a word.
During our relationships, we must make the choice to ACT in love- even when we don't feel like it.
Think about it before you fight about it and ask yourself if its worth the argument. because it usually isn't. - DH's grandpa :)
I've always heard the one about not going to sleep at night without working things out or kissing, etc. I like that advice! But I also like to know that nobody is perfect and everything takes time. I can't expect my DH to change over night, just as I can't change over night. We need to learn about each other: what's important to us, what we don't like, how we deal with things, etc. Know beforehand that things won't always be rainbows and cupcakes, you will scream at your DH at the top of your lungs more than once! And that's ok :)
I got a ton of tidbits because I tend to be a little Feisty(LMAO);
Pick your Battles- That's really a life lesson because I'm seriously Type A and very passionate.
It's Okay to Say Your Sorry- Goes along w/ Picking your battles.
Make sure to have you own tv, closet and bathroom- Ok, we're both in our 40s so we've been single for sometime so that was going to be a given. But all of my married gf and Moms told me its soo much easier that way. Seriously, I want to watch BBC not Wrestling. I must have a walk in closet. And you don't have to use an entire bar of soap when you shower.
Ask for Help- Yes, its another life lesson but its essential in a marriage. Instead of complaining about each other not helping, we both just ask now.
Marriage is FOREVER so You Both Need to Work It Out!!- Why did my 92yr old Grandma burst my bubble? Hell, I intended to be single by the time I'm 70 so I can do what I want. Again!!! But, I do agree its FOREVER cause we wouldn't have stood before God and our Family/Friends if we didn't attend to travel down the Yellow Brick Road together.
You will Always Be You: Its easy for women to put themselves behind everyone else. We easily will identify w/ being a wife and a mother but stop being "You". You are the Gal who Lights up Every Room. You is who he fell in Love w/. You is who he wants to spend the rest of his life w/. So never stop being You.
"Don't get to busy making a living that you forget to make a life."
We have that up in our bathroom to remind us every day that while working hard and making a living is important, it isn't everything. A life lesson and a marriage lesson all bundled in one?
OOOOHHHH EEEEMMM GEEE these are all soooo awesome!!!!!
Well, I would say obviously, there are no rules in marriage. Don't try to follow what your friends have done or try to mimick what they have. Certainly don't spend your whole life trying to get what they got. LOL. There will always be someone with a bigger house no matter how big your's is, with more luxurious cars no matter how nice your's are, smarter and more athletic kids even though your's are pretty smart and athletic. Some ppl just seem to have it allllll together. But i would say work within the realms of your own relationship, family, and finances. We started with that attitude and I'm hoping to always keep it that way.
best advice for me is...
men think first and feel later. women feel fist and think later... so we need to give eachother the time to understand where the other is coming from... give him time to feel and her time to think...
@MrsNerd: So true! Sometimes you don't need to argue anymore... just let it go. Time heals things that are stupid (and even not stupid). Just make sure the argument doesn't find it's way to the morning... the afternoon... and the next night again.
people have always said that a relationship is 50/50. i always disagreed. it should be 100/100.
why would you only put 50% into your relationship? and expect only 50%?
The priest cam to the house the other day and he gave some good advice. He said to us that many marriages fail because people try to keep things their own. My/your car, My/your clothes, my/your success, my/your money, my/your problem. When we marry we unite - we become one. what was once mine/yours is now ours. I guess if he was a sports coach he'd tell you there's no "I" in team.
Someone wrote on our guestbook frame to "Remember to fall in love again each and every day". I think that this is really important. It's way too easy to get caught up in the stress of daily life to forget to do the little sweet things for each other that make such a huge difference.
My husband and I just made this frame (stole the idea from Pinterest) that is just a piece of scrapbook paper with the words "I love you because..." written on them. Using a dry erase marker you can write down reasons you love your SO on the glass and then it can be erased and a new idea can be written down.
We have this sitting in our living room and we just write simple things that we appreciate about each other, but it has made such a huge difference just taking the time to acknowledge the good things about the other person and we are both feeling so loved more often now. It feels good to walk past and notice that your SO has written down another sweet note to you. It almost feels like passing love notes back and forth again which is fun :)
Always say pleasse and thank you...don't forget to celebrate your love, don't take it for granted.
What a brilliant post. I frequently ask elderly married couples what their secret to a long and happy marriage is and they have come up with some pearls of wisdom. one of my favourites is:
Anyone can be happy in love when things are going well - the trick to knowing your relationship will stand the test of time is when you want to work hard to keep your relationship strong through the tough times, and there are many tough times ahead in happily-ever-after.
Learn how to compromise with each other. Give the man respect he needs & the woman love that she longs for.
Sper thread and couldnt agree more!
To add sonething new, A lady celebrating her 50 years marriage said to me:
" marriage is like a four legged table:
One leg is common goals and ambitions,
One leg is healthly sex life,
One leg is good relationship with partners friends and family
And last leg is good communication.
If you have to, You can live without one leg, but not without two or more. Thus work towards that."
Her description put things in a new light for me and I started to talk to other couples and saw the pattern.
She also said that for her an important thing was to admire each other ALWAYS in the little things and the small.
I guess two things . . . Get on the same team and always assume the best about your partner, not the worst.
The best advice I've ever heard was: Never let the sun set on your wrath. I like to take it also as do not let the sun rise on ur wrath. Holding in pent up issues and anger has a toll later on. So I try my best regardless of the argument to settle things with the FI before the day ends/another day begins. I hate long arguements and silent treatment: I believe it;s a waste of time instead of you two spending time with each other.
Also NEVER HAVE AN ARGUEMENT INFRONT OF OTHERS. FI never saw his parents argue. I think that keeps away shame and resentment for each person.
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I'm all for teams!
Ive been on a posting spree and I was just thinking... what is the best piece of advice you have ever heard for your marriage? I get so emotional thinking about my piece of advice.
My grandmother told me that when you fall in love with someone and get married there is nothing that can do you under if you both do what your supposed to do. My grandparents have been married for 48 years. I pray we have that many happy years ahead.