Post # 1
So I am bringing up a topic that is hard to talk about…divorce. Any bees out there who have been divorced, are going through a divorce, or thinking about divorce that want to talk about it?
I have been going through some difficult issues in my marriage of only 5 months that I am not sure can be worked out. Any other bees have major issues in the beginning? Any bees divorced after less than a year of marriage?
How do you know when to stop trying and move on?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I’ve been divorced. My marriage to my first husband took a sharp weird turn for bad after just 2 months into the marriage. We drifted through it and tried to make it work through counselling until we finally filed for divorce after 1 1/2 years into our marriage. He started dating again before our divorce was finalized. It took me a long time to start dating again and I didn’t really have an official boyfriend again until years later. Now my guy just moved in and I’m waiting for my ring 🙂
Post # 4
My ex-husband and I had issues early on; we got married too early, and were too different on too many levels. I knew it was truly over when I reached the point of apathy. When I no longer cared whether it worked out or not, I knew it was time to go our separate ways after 5 years of marriage. I wish I had acted sooner, though. The last couple years were full of tension, stress, self-help books, etc, and I could have saved myself a lot of tears and time if I had listened to my gut.
Post # 5
My first marriage ended in annullment. Felt like a divorce though. He cheated on me about 2 months in so I had to leave him. I was 23 and he was 30.
Post # 6
Sure we all think about it…hell, one time, I seriously considered digging Mr. 99’s eyeball out with a melon baller…it happens!
But what doesn’t happen, is a marriage…not if we give ourselves a way out….and there are legitimate reasons for calling it quits, and we all know where the line is, THAT is not what we’re debating here.
We got pretty close to giving up, but we didn’t because what we have is too precious and rare…so until one of us doesn’t feel that way anymore…it’s all good!
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Nurse4life: I got divorced the same month of our third wedding anniversary. However, the reason we got divorced was based on a major difference of opinion we had early in our relationship and by early, I mean our first serious conversation about marriage and children.
I told him on one of our first dates that I couldn’t be serious about dating a man who didn’t want marriage and kids after he made it clear he didn’t want either. I said we could hang out but I would actively be looking for someone who wanted the same things as me (i.e. marriage and kids.) He came back to me a day or two later and said he had changed his mind and could see himself marrying me and having kids. We got engaged two years later and then married.
The first year was great but by our first anniversary I realized he had lied about wanting children but he was still saying what I wanted to hear so I pushed through for another year. By our second anniversaty I knew for sure he didn’t want kids so we had a conversation and I took kids off the table so we could focus on our marriage and so I could decide whether I was willing to give up having children for the sake of our marriage.
During the next year we had an accident and I got pregnant. He was devastated and completely shut down. I realized he was going to leave me and I would be stuck raising his child while he got to galavant around single and carefree again like he really wanted. The fact that I was so sick during the pregnancy that I ended up driving myself to the ER (he refused to do it) solodified my choice to abort the pregnancy. He even forced me to attend a July 4th party at his friend’s house the day after the procedure (nice guy huh?) He allowed me to wallow until after the holidays and a few days after New Years he asked me for a divorce because not only did he not want kids, he realized he really didn’t want to be married either.
Ask yourself if the issue is something that you consider a dealbreaker, something that you absolutely must have or cannot stand in your marriage. If it’s a dealbreaker and he isn’t willing to budge, cut your losses and move on. If it isn’t then try counseling if he’s willing to go (or go by yourself if you aren’t sure which direction to take.) Divorce is not an easy option nor is it an easy out. It is extremely embarassing and devastating. My heart hurt, my mind hurt, and my body hurt for months while we worked out the details and finalized the divorce. It wasn’t until a year later that I realized how lucky I had been to get out when I did.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Nona99: I seriously considered digging Mr. 99’s eyeball out with a melon baller…
Did you just watch that Michelle Williams/Seth Rogan film? I believe this is a direct quote. What a heartbreaking film. I hate seeing what seems to be a happy marriage fall apart like that.
Post # 9
I’m getting married for the first time this April, but I did watch my parents go through a divorce, and it wasn’t pretty. My mom waited 20+ years too many to divorce my dad (who was just a terrible husband and father), but she was so much happier after it happened.
Post # 10
Yep! I have been divorced twice. My problem is that I tend to mistake LUST for love. It happens!
Post # 11
@beachbride1216: …nope, didn’t know about whatever movie that is…I was making fruit salad and he was being an asshole…so yeah, melon baller + eyeball = asshole shuts up.
But whatever that movie is about, Mr. 99 and I are a happy couple and a good fit…that doesn’t mean it’s wonderful in our house all the time though…sometimes the toilet is backed up, the dog puked on the couch and we’re out of paper towels…
Post # 12
I worked for a divorce attorney for many years. I saw so many different kinds of people coming in for a divorce. Really sad stories, but really happy ones too. People who were still best friends but just decided it best to end things.
We also had a couple sign the papers, walk out to the parking lot and get it on in the backseat of his truck!!! It was really funny.
Unfortunately it’s a normal thing of our society. Nothing to be ashamed about. It’s a brave thing to admit, when something doesn’t work.
Post # 13
None of the above… I’ve never been married, so divorce isn’t something I’ve ever really thought about. I mean I’ve thought of how things would be with me and FI being apart and that scares me. Not only because we’ve been together so long and I’d have to start over. But because that is one of my biggest fears in life. Being divorced and knowing I had a failed marriage. I don’t like to fail in anything, especially not something that is life altering.
Post # 14
@Nona99: haha, i don’t know why but the melon baller thing just cracked me up. There are times I consider doing crazy things to just to get him to hush. Love the man but sometimes I am like “where is the off button”.
Post # 15
I have not ever been married because I dont believe in divorce. So I decided to wait until I found the man I thought is my equal and possess the qualities I need from my mate. I know if I had excepted the prior proposals I would have to stay in a terrible marriage. It took several years and I am glad I waited because I met my true partner.
He feels the same way I feel about divorce and we both understand that there isnt anything we cant work out no matter what. I believe when that is the consensus going into the marriage you wont get too comfortable (not work on making the marriage work), take him/her for granted, cheat, and not make each other a priority.
Post # 16
I haven’t been divorced, or thought about divorce with DH. DH, who was 30 when we got married, had also never been engaged/married/divorced before me. Neither of us believe divorce is an option, though I see nothing wrong with other couples getting a divorce for any reason.