(Closed) The bride’s family pays…. outdated?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree, it’s totally situational. It seems to depend a lot on two things: a) the bride’s family’s ability to pay (also maybe vs. the groom’s family’s ability), and b) the couple’s age/financial stability. Of my family and friends, typically couples who are older and more established in their careers (late twenties/early thirties) paid for their own weddings primarily, and the younger couples’ weddings were paid for by the bride’s family, with the exception of one where the groom’s family was extremely well-off and the bride’s family was not, and his family insisted on paying for the bulk of the wedding. (Oh, and also, the third factor – how much control the couple wants to retain over the wedding! I’ve had girlfriends whose parents have offered to pay for the wedding but they’ve refused because they didn’t want their parents to have the final say on everything!)

Post # 4
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think in this economy, whoever the hell can afford to pay should!! Just kidding…

We paid for ours, because my parents weren’t in a situation to do so.  I think at this point in time, each situation needs to be dealt with on a case by case basis. So basically, yeah I think its outdated

Post # 5
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Totally outdated.  Anyone is welcome to chip in or not chip in as they see fit, but the idea that it’s supposed to be the bride’s parents and incredibly outdated.  Sometimes that’s what happens because they can afford to and want to (same with the groom’s family… I know plenty of couples where the groom’s family is footing the majority of the cost because they have the ability and desire to), but when people expect it based on tradition alone, it’s a little presumptuous and out of touch.

Post # 6
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It shouldn’t be assumed that the bride’s family will pay, per tradition. However, in my particular situation, both families chose to (mostly) follow tradition.

Post # 7
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hi. I’ve thought about this too. Alot of people I know didn’t get much help.I think these days it’s more unrealistic given where the economy is at. My parents are in late 50s/early 60s and my dad still works two jobs. They came here as teenagers so both don’t have college degrees. They are helping me out with certain things (wedding dress and rings). I told them they don’t need to (although the gesture is always appreciated) because I feel like they feel guilty not being able to do more. Plus, part of them know I’ve spent alot of finances on my house. But what they’ve been so nice enough to help me is more than enough for me… Now about 15 yrs ago, my brother got married and my SIL’s parents paid for majority of it. So I think it really depends on the person’s finances (or maybe preference) at the time. Power to those who can. I can only hope I can do that one day.

Post # 8
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends on the situation. I think it’s old fashioned to expect the bride’s parents to pay, but if they want to contribute, no issues there.

Post # 9
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

I WISH it was outdated! 😛 There’s lots of people who believe it should be this way still.

Post # 10
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We paid for our wedding. 

My parents don’t have money to pay for it but they did offer us their home to live in for less then half of what we would be paying at an apartment.

His mother offered to pay for wine.

We paid the rest ourselves. 

– Agree

@Entangled: Totally outdated.  Anyone is welcome to chip in or not chip in as they see fit, but the idea that it’s supposed to be the bride’s parents and incredibly outdated.

Totally agree 

Post # 10
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree. At the same time, if it has sentimental value for her and her parents and isn’t a burden, then why not? But to me, the whole notion doesn’t hold any particular weight. The closest we’re coming to that is that my stepdad does feel kind of paternal about contributing, but by no means is that the only source. I think age does play into it in some ways– people aren’t getting married as young as they used to, overall.

Post # 12
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Think it’s bull. I think it’s up to the couple to pay. If the parents offer, that’s great, if they can’t afford it it’s up to you the couple to figure it out.

Post # 13
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree.  Outdated.  My mother gave us a flat amount of money to do with as we please(and its generous but in no means the whole thing) but his family has no intentions of giving us anything so were on the hook for the rest.

Post # 14
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Of course it is outdated. I would never expect a bride’s family to pay. We expected to pay in full unless our families offered money. My Father-In-Law gave about 1/3 the cost of the wedding, my mom gave 1/10, my dad another 1/10. We paid for the other 50% of our wedding.

Post # 15
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

In our case, Darling Husband and I paid for everying and I actually enjoyed being in charge financially and not having to depend on somone else or explain my purchases to someone else

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