Post # 1
So I registered on this site so I could chat about my little experience. I have a destination wedding approaching and my best friend for the last 14 years and bridesmaid (I do not have a MOH) cancelled on me 2 mths after the RSVP date. She knew about the wedding date for one solid year (365 days in advance).
Her reason? She has a final in summer school that she cannot reschedule.
Personally I think it’s crap. We attended the same school and I know their policies. The final is actually the day after my wedding but she would need to fly home and therefore would need to take it ONE day later.
I’m shocked and hurt and considering terminating the friendship entirely. I’m a person of commitments. I think it’s perfectly fine to cancel dinners/lunches/birthdays (even though that is rude)/ parties, etc but your best friend’s wedding is something of a completely different nature. It’s a once in a life time experience.
It’s pretty embarassing for me because I have spent all the money for her gifts and already shipped them to the destination. I have monogrammed everything and ordered custom fine jewelry for her. I have also written a letter expressing how much the friendship means to me. At this point I may as well toss all of these things because she is not attending.
It’s sad, embarassing, and makes me feel confused and hurt beyond repair. I’m not sure what to do about our friendship. I feel she is being fake with me about her excuse and I think it could have been anticipated and PREVENTED from the beginning but she is a terrible planner (ie: the kind of friend who leaves you waiting an hour for her at a restaurant by yourself because she is late – this has happened on multiple occasions). We all accept our friends for their good sides and bad sides and their pros and cons but sometimes enough is enough.
Has anyone had an experience like this? How did it turn out?? Happy Weddings everyone!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry this happened to you!! I agree- if I were her, I would ask to take the final early/late so that I could be there. Also that she cancelled on such late notice after you’ve begun to count on her and bought her gifts. If its only this one time, I would try my very hardest to get over it and not let it ruin years of friendship. If this happens a lot, I’d start wondering if she cares as much about the friendship as you do and rethink the relationship. I’m sorry!!
Post # 4
I understand you’re upset, but you can’t expect her to “reschedule” her final (if that’s even possible).
At least she didn’t ask you to reschedule your wedding. I am having my wedding towards the end of the school year, so I understand the pressures, if one of them had told me their final was around the same time, and they felt they couldn’t make it, I would completely understand.
Post # 5
Wow. I feel for you because a professor will always work w/ you if you a reasonable explaination. And a wedding is.
I say not to worry about it now and enjoy your wedding. Your marrying your Love and she’s going to miss out. Have another good friend, sister, or Mom stand as your BM. I know your frustrated but sometimes ppl are just flaky and they become an acquaintance instead of a Bestie.
Can’t wait to see and here your recap.
Post # 6
I would assume she can’t swing the money and is too embarrassed to say that. I had to miss a DW I was supposed to be a BM in because it was the week of my finals, too. I could have rescheduled them, but either way I would have had to make a 12 hour drive and I wouldn’t have had time to study for my finals. It’s just not feasible for some people to fly somewhere, spend a day (your wedding) and then fly back the next day for a final.
Personally, I would have lost a ton of money and probably my credit. I know it hurts, but the way I saw it was that I would still be able to see her after her wedding, but I couldn’t afford the trip or the lack of study time.
I would maybe talk to her, but I wouldn’t end the friendship over it. DW are great, but they also mean it’s very hard for some people to make it.
Post # 7
I’m sorry and I know it stinks. I agree with PP that the most likely reason is actually finances, instead of the finals, because I have moved finals before. But it’s embarassing to admit she can’t afford it and doesn’t want the “if you just saved $100 for the last year, you could have afforded it” lecture.
I’ve been in her shoes. I had to pull out of a very close friends wedding because I simply couldn’t afford to go. I know the friend was really hurt and I feel 100% awful for it. And it definitely took a little while for our friendship to get back on track. Eventually she came to realize that I do love her and her family very much, and it certainly wasn’t for a lack of wanting to be there! Now she’s actually a BM in my wedding, because we were both able to see it from the other person’s perspective and move on with the friendship.
If she’s truly been your best friend for that long, there must be a reason by and as hard as I know it is, understand that it’s also likely a huge disappointment for her not to be able to be there for your big day. Talk to her about it, but don’t write off the friendship.
Post # 8
@crh1729: I would totally agree with you except I went to her school and I know their policies about rescheduling a final. It can be done with any professor. Otherwise, what would happen if a student became very ill? Would they fail them? It would not make sense to have rescheduling a final be completely impossible. I’ve definitely rescheduled 1 or 2 in my college career.
Post # 9
@vabride2011: Thank you for your kind message. She recently got engaged herself and will now be going through all these processes. I think when enough time has passewd beyong my wedding and her own, I’ll make an effort to reconnect the friendship. I think (as dramatic as it sounds) that it’s too hurtful for me to sit down and plan her wedding with her (as a best friend would) and know that when it came down to it, she ditched me for mine.