Post # 1
I’ve just got engaged and plan to marry before Christmas next year.
I’d love to ask my bridesmaids, just for fun, but I’m a bit stuck on who to ask. I’m not sure if anyone else is having this problem, but there are the girls I really want as my bridesmaids… and then the ones I feel I need to ask out of obligation.
My preference would be to have my best friend and two FSILs (I’m very close to my FIs family and have grown up with them), with my 6 year old half-sister as flower girl.
I have another friend who has been my ‘best friend’ since school, but we don’t really speak anymore. I also have a cousin who I was really close to until I turned about 12 and then we sort of went out seperate ways… I had pacts with both of these two that we would be eachother’s bridesmaids when we grew up so I feel like if I don’t ask it will be awkward. They’re both important people to me still and It’s not that I passionately don’t want the last two to be bridesmaid, it’s just they’re not in my everyday life as much these days.
Then, I kind of would like more than one flower girl BUT I have five little girl cousins and my FI has lots. Do I just have my sister to avoid having to choose?
If money was no object, should I just have all five adult bridesmaids with one flower girl?
All advice appreciated?
Post # 3
I don’t think a promise you made at age 12 is something you can be held to. Choose who you want. I can’t imagine these girls asking about it- it would be extremely rude.
Post # 4
I’m not really sure why it would be so bad to have five bridesmaids anyway.
Generally the bride isn’t expected to pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses (but it’s usually considered nice to try to choose something affordable), so I imagine you’d probably just be paying for their bouquets.
Our bridesmaids’ bouquets were $35 each, so adding two girls onto your bridal party is only another $70, give or take.
Post # 5
I mad e asimiler pact with my best friend from highschool. In the end I decided it was so not worth trying to keep a pact I made so many years ago. I didn’t want a huge bridal party and I wanted my sisters who are my best friends now. She hasn’t even mentioned it.
Post # 6
@rachelmichelle: Where I’m from (UK, maybe its different for different families/communities/towns) it’s generally expected that you provide at least the dress and the bouquet, and potentially shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup! So could be a lot more costly…
Post # 7
I have always thought to myself that bridesmaids should be those who are important to you at this time in your life and that you should not feel obligated to have someone in your bridal party. It doesn’t sound like your old friend and cousin will react badly if you don’t ask them 🙂
Post # 8
@Me_and_MrJones: Interesting… I had no idea that the customs are so different!
Post # 9
@Me_and_MrJones: choose wisely ; ) i asked a few i should not have and now i have the task of figuring out if i still want them in my party ; ( that part sucks.
Post # 10
@Me_and_MrJones: you could have 2 flower girls one from your side and one from his side
Post # 11
Childhood bridesmaid pacts should be banned 🙂 I don’t think you’re bound by them. And since you’re no longer close I don’t think those girls should be BMs. Personally I think 3 BMs is perfect,
Only have your sister as FG. Once you get to the cousins, if you have one you’ve got to have them all to be fair. (Otherwise there is almost certain to be drama). But only having your sister is fine because she’s a closer relative.
Post # 12
It’s your wedding so it’s your choice. Do what you want, if anyone feels bad about it you can’t help that and truthfully I doubt they will. If you still spoke to that friend it would be a different matter but you don’t. On your wedding day you want those closest to you standing by your side.