Post # 1
…it makes me appreciate how kind, considerate, polite, sane, and normal most members of MY OWN family are!
At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself now. 🙂 But seriously, has anyone else kinda had an awakening about how great your own family is, in contrast to the wacky-ness of your future in-laws?!
My mom has been so great through all of our planning so far. Aside from the fact that our rehearsal dinner, ceremony, and reception are all taking place in a big tent in HER yard… She has been in contact with all of our vendors, she’s growing some of our flowers, she hand-painted our gorgeous invitations, and she’s spent hours working with me on various other aspects of planning!
In contrast, several members of my fiance’s family have just been so discouraging. They barely even seem to care about any of this. We have tried and tried to keep his mom updated on our plans and ask for her opinions on things, yet she ignores emails from my mom and I. THEN she complains to FI that we’re not “involving” her enough. (He asked her if she received our emails… she did, but was “far too busy” to respond.) She even told us that we shouldn’t be taking a honeymoon because SHE didn’t get to take one when she got married the first time. What??
Oh and right after we got engaged, his aunt offered to organize my shower. Which seemed super nice until just recently when she started asking MY mom to find a venue and basically do all the leg work for it. Again, because she is “sooo busy.” (Then why did you volunteer to do it in the first place?!) So my mom spent a whole day researching potential locations and making phone calls, then emailed the aunt about it. She didn’t respond, so finally my mom called her and was told, “Oh sorry, I haven’t had time for personal emails.”
OH MY GOODNESS. Why do these people think that “I’m busy!” gives them license to be as rude and thoughtless as they please? Okay, that’s my vent. 🙂 But really, it just makes me SO thankful that my family has manners and knows how to treat people right.
Post # 3
That’s SO frustrating! My relationship with my FILs is not as extreme, but I’m still finding it hard to communicate with a new family when I’m so familiar with my own family’s workings!!!
I find the best way to prevent mis-understanding and hurt feelings is to be as direct as possible — AKA stop emailing (since they don’t seem to read them…) and try to have more phone or sit-down conversations with them. Maybe go out to lunch somewhere nice and try to get to know eachother a little. It’s a lot harder to be annoyed with someone when you have some good memories with them 🙂
It’s such a hard transition to add a new family to your life. I really wish you the best — it sounds like they’re going to suck up a lot of your patience and take a lot of prodding, but I hope the more time you spend with them and the more time they spend with you, the more respect will develop.
Post # 4
My boyfriend’s family as a whole is divine but my future MIL is a total flake and acts like she’s 13. She asks personal financial questions “can you even afford that?” when she’s not contributing financially or diy helping. I don’t like feeling like I have to not tell her about my new boots or that I got coffee this morning (I currently live next door to her so there’s no getting away).
I have to agree though, it has made me so much more grateful and appreciative of my own family. I juts keep reminding myself that no matter how crazy my FILs make me, they raised a wonderful son, and without them I wouldn’t have the love of my life.
Post # 5
“wackiness” is the word more m FMIL. We wanted a DW and she flipped but as soon as we got our venue( and put down the deposit) she said we should have a DW! Then she compiled a list of places she thought we should get married.
And with the too busy thing- she was too bust to get FH’s cousins addresses for me. She was “busy” for 3 months now and invitations went out today so they didn’t get invitations… whatever. I don’t even know them so they can’t blame me!
End vent on someone else’s thread. haha.