Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
This question is part of our blog and boards series, The Buzz, where we poll the hive for great advice and ideas and run a selection of helpful answers on the blog. Read more about the series here, and a couple of our first The Buzz posts: Saving for your first home and Length of dating before getting engaged.
We want to know:
If you had family/friend drama during wedding planning what caused it and how did you deal with it? Was there any fallout after the wedding?
Lend your helpful tips and advice to the community, and we’ll feature answers on the blog throughout this month!
Post # 3
Well, we’re still planning, but so far we’ve had fairly limited drama (knock on wood)
The biggest source of annoyance/drama for me has been 2 things, my youngest sister and my stepmom.
My sister is a BM (naturally), she’s also about 6 inches taller than me, she’s taller than the entire bridal party. I’m making her wear 4″ heels. Yes, I said making. All my BMs are wearing the same shoes, it’s my one thing that I’m stuck on – call me bridezilla but I want these shoes. They’re purple and fabulous. Well, sister has been complaining to everyone about them. The more she complains, the less I care to be perfectly honest. I know that in the end, she’ll look fabulous, since the girls are all wearing the same shoes she won’t look that out of place and all will be fine. Maybe, if she’d responded to my many emails asking the girls to approve the shoes before they started purchasing I’d have more sympathy, but by the time she weighed in 3 pairs had already been purchased and were non-refundable and the girls all agreed to wear the matching purple shoes I requested from the beginning.
My stepmom….she’s just a nuissance and not a nice person. She is frequently making comments about making sure I keep her and my mother apart at the reception etc…really just not necessary and annoying more than anything.
Post # 4
We want something really low-key, small (<150 people) and relaxed, and we have been meeting some resistance from the parents. I was really surprised at how many people had opinions about our wedding. His parents gave us their list of friends to invite – it was 74 people! Thankfully, my FI and I are on the same page and have agreed to set our respective parents straight.
Post # 5
We managed to avoid too much drama, although there was a small amount with my dad.
My dad’s family is Italian, but I made it very clear even before getting engaged we were not having the typical huge Italian wedding. There was a little drama with my dad regarding whether we would invite all my dad’s first cousins (about 20 people, most of whom we see once a year at maximum, and many of whom wouldn’t know me if they saw me on the street, let along my DH). I ended up discussing it with my dad, and he agreed that we didn’t have to invite them all. There were a couple comments made by my aunts and uncles in the leadup to the wedding about it, but I don’t think it has had any fallout (although maybe the next time I see those cousins I might find out differently).
Post # 6
We are still planning but I just dealt with pretty big drama yesterday.
I am getting married in May, but having my bachelorette party this month in January. The reason being is because FI’s sister who lives on the other side of the states wants to be a part of the process. Bachelorette, dress shopping, bla bla bla. So we said why don’t we have the party in January so you can be a part of it?
FI and I bought her ticket. Well I have had nothing but problems on his side with this party. We are going about 45 mins out of town to do a one night stay and wine tasting. Well my MOH made it clear in the invitation that money is due on this specific date and if it’s not in on time you would not be able to attend. Well Fi’s mother called me yesterday to ask me if cousin could give me the money later, she wouldn’t have it in time. Being caught off guard I stupidly said sure. Then thinking about it; I don’t want to be responsible for that money if I don’t end up getting paid. So I texted FMIL and let her know that no, she would need to have her money in by the specified date, and I could not cover her.
That’s when shit hit the fan. FSIL sent out a group text pretty much saying that while she was looking forward to wedding planning, her main reason for coming out is to be with her family. Since all of her family won’t be attending (MY BACHELORETTE) then she would rather save her money and not go.
Excuse me? The reason you’re coming at all is because of this party!! I am still pretty livid at this point. This has ruined any kind of relationship we had. I really can’t believe how rude, mean and disrespectful that was. WE FREAKIN’ PAID FOR YOU TICKET!!! I guess she is still going, she probably won’t have her money to me in time either.
Pissed; I’m not even excited… I have had nothing but problems with this whole thing. Oh and did I mention that my FMIL invited herself along with her two sisters? Ya…
I like to think and many would agree I am a very nice and sweet person. I guess that’s what I get for letting people think they can walk all over me.
Post # 7
overall, we had no drama.
the only disagreement I had was with DH who really wanted his cousin’s children (ages 8, 4, and 2) to be invited to the wedding. They would be the only children. I did not want children and my mom who paid for the wedding did not think our wedding atmosphere was appropriate for children. We compromised that the 2 oldest were flower girls and they did not attend the reception. i actually think DH’s cousin was happier to enjoy herself and leave the children with a babysitter.
Post # 8
oh yes there was. lol.
My sister is 6 years older then me. shes married with kids. She freaked about my mom babysitting for a bridesmaid when we went out to a bar after my bridal shower. my bridal shower was my bachelorette party for some friends because it was out of town and they had just arrived. we were only gone for an hour maybe and she told me we had to go. then started yelling at me outside the bar, that i was being unreasonable. just full blown yelling at me. it was nuts!! and she was sober! my BM kids were alseep but my sister made them come pick them up. she wouldnt let them just crash there. then the next day (day before my wedding) she was upset i didnt aplogize. so upset that she tried to not be a BM. shes my only sister and she tried to give back the BM dress the day before!!? my mom started crying, my BM started crying. I just went into the garage with my mom and decided there was no way out of this but to give my sister what she wants. so i said i was sorry (wasnt even sure what i was sorry about) but thats all she wanted to hear and everything was back to normal. it upset me for sure but shes my sister and i had to be the bigger person. After that she had decided she wasnt going to make the cake anymore. See, my sister was also upset when i asked BIL’s girlfriend, jamie to make my wedding cake. she had been criticizing her cake and begged me to have her make one also. So now the day before, she changed her mind. I just brushed it off. i couldnt believe how much trouble everyone and myself made about the cake that i took one bite out of.
The morning of my wedding we all went out for a BM breakfast. My SIL was going to do all the BMs hair. She was a hairstylest in mexico before. We had been talking about it for a year!! that morning she decided she couldnt do it. she said she had to help the groomsmen get ready and take grandma to walmart???? shes my BM so what the heck! My SIL wasnt there the whole time. why was i made by the family to ask her anyway. By the way she went back to her hotel room and got ready. she didnt even help the guys. She also wore her hair exactly the way i had mine…. she knew the BM all had their hair up (and my hair down and curly) because she was soppose to do it for them!!
i was totally taken back by the amount of drama that had happened and was sooo glad everything was over. my advice, dont get it into your head that your wedding is all about you. its about two families becoming one. If you go into it with that mentality, you wont be surprised when it comes out, your family thought it was about them. Just remember that if at the end of the day you two are married it was a success!! thats all i kept telling myself and its true. At the reception all was forgiven and everyone had a blast. things went wrong but things went right and whats right is what you should focus on. My sister and i are always talking. Shes my sister, my only sister. Even if she tried to back out of the wedding, she actually did soooo much to help me with it all. My SIL… well we arent friends but not enemies. It was obvious my SIL didnt really care about anyone but herself. You just cant let someones selfishness rain on your parade.
Post # 9
My brother’s girlfriend was supposed to be in it. Her and my brother ended up having a really bad break-up, her and I ended up having a HUGE blow out, & that was pretty much it. My brother has tried to contact her, but she won’t answer the texts or calls.