Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
This question is part of our blog and boards series, The Buzz, where we poll the hive for great advice and ideas and run a selection of helpful answers on the blog. Read more about the series here, and a couple of our first The Buzz posts: Saving for your first home and Length of dating before getting engaged.
We want to know:
How did you decide when to have kids and how many to have? Take the poll and let us know in the comments below how you and your SO came to your decision!
Lend your helpful tips and advice to the community, and we’ll feature answers on the blog throughout this month!
Post # 3
“How did you decide when to have kids and how many to have? Take the poll and let us know in the comments below how you and your SO came to your decision!”
Firstly, we both discussed wanting children. He wants lots. I said no more than two, not least because we can’t afford more. We decided to have them soon, because I could be waiting forever and a day before I get a good job… if I ever do…. plus I’m 30 now, so I think it’s time. I don’t want to start TTC and realise when I’m 35 that we need fertility treatment and can’t get it on the NHS because of our ages, after all!
30 buys us some time, but it also means that we will be the first of our close friends to have children, which will be an interesting issue… the average age for first birth in the UK is 30.
Post # 4
This is a question that has come up a LOT for FI and I recently. We are only 25, but we both have a pretty bad case of the “baby rabies”, and don’t want to wait any longer than we have to!
There are a couple of factors that we discussed when talking through our timeline, and most of them are based on my own current situation. He is in a more stable place than I am right now, career-wise. I need to finish school and pass my registration exams (hopefully by Summer 2014), and then find a job. I personally have financial goals that I want to accomplish (having a certain amount of money in an account that will cover my student loan payments, car payments, some of the household expenses, etc. for 6 months so that I can take maternity leave). I know he wants to have additional money set aside as well, although we do have a very decent savings account at the moment. There are things that we want to finish renovating in our house. We need to sqeeze a legal marriage in there somewhere, although I will admit, that is low priority. With all of these things in mind, the earliest that we would start TTC would be late 2014, likely November or December.
Deciding on how many kids we want was fairly easy for us. We don’t want to be outnumbered! So, no more than two children for us. This will likely be our “ideal number”, although we both agreed that we would see how it goes with the first and then decide, because neither of us has a problem with being one-and-done.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands
We discussed wanting kids pretty early in the relationship. I wanted 1-2, and he wanted “2 or none” so we settled on two kids pretty easily, though he mentioned recently that he might be okay with just one, so we’ll see what happens after the first one is born. I’ve been pretty adamant about wanting to be finished by my 30th birthday, and he was okay with that. It gives us a while.
Post # 6
My FI loves kids and came from a large family. He even already had baby names picked out when I met him! So I’m sure he’s love to have lots as soon as possible but I really just want one. Two max. I’d like to wait until our late 20s or early 30s (we’re 22 now) to have kids. I really want to make sure we have a house and finances to support a child not to mention some time to ourselves before we start creating a family.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@Mrs. Mouse: We haven’t decided yet. We know we want kids, but we’re in no rush. I want to have kids when my SO makes enough money for us to live comfortably on only his salary. We don’t really want more than like 2 kids.
Post # 8
We’re not 100% certain, but we probably won’t have kids.
Post # 9
We have not decided either way. What we have decided is that we will be open to all possibilities. We’ve gone through a lot of potential scenarios together. We’ll say “If we want to have children, we’ll try to have them after settling down in our house and establishing our finances.” Or we’ll say “If we choose to be childfree, we’ll go to grad school or focus on these other personal or career goals together.” I like keeping an open mind because I can take his perspective into account and reach a decision that is best for the two (or more) of us.
If we do end up having kids, we are both in agreement that we want two. I am an only child and have always wanted the sibling dynamic in my own family, and my fiance is the youngest of three and he wants something less chaotic than what he had growing up.
Post # 10
My husband wants 4, I want 2. We haven’t started TTC yet, but will in the next few months. I have a feeling he’ll come around after he sees how much work and money they take!
Post # 11
We discussed early on what our expectations were for kids. We both have always wanted to be parents, so it was a question of how many children to have and when.
My fiance is more ready for kids than I am, but that is because he is 8 years older than me. I’m still in my early 20s, and I want to enjoy these years child-free. We want to travel a lot too, so we’ll take some longer and more expensive trips in the next few years. We also want to find our “forever” home before we have children. We think this will be in the next 3-5 years.
As for the number of children, we’ve been torn. He has said he wants two or three. I want one or two, but at the moment I am leaning toward one. Sometimes only children end up having behavioral and social problems, but many end up being awesome well-rounded kids. Part of me would rather make sure I have one kid whom I can provide plentiful experiences than have two and provide less. Ultimately, I think we will have one, and then within a few years we’ll decide if we’ll try for a second. My fiance is okay with that too.
Post # 12
We both want kids, but we disagree on the number. I want 3, he only wants 2… we shall see who wins this battle 🙂
Post # 13
We both want 3. Hopefully two of our own and then adopting one.
Post # 14
@Mrs. Mouse: We decided to have one.
Initially we talked about two, & then as time went on we were considering not having children at all because we are so busy & really want to enjoy the money & vacations that will come in time.
We finally decided that we absolutely wouldn’t feel as though we lived a full life unless we had at least one child, but more than one wouldn’t let us achieve the balance we are looking for.
(We are both dying for a daughter! Althought we won’t even begin TTC for at least 6-7yrs)
Post # 15
We want to 2. We have 1 right now and are starting to TCC for #2.
We think 2 kids is enough to be friends and foes and enough for our family
Post # 16
1 and not any time soon even though we have been together 7 years and married more than 4.