Post # 1
I have a bit of a bridesmaid problem… Actually, a non-bridesmaid problem. I have a friend, she is lovely, we hang out together and have a great time. She thinks she’s a bridesmaid, problem is… She’s not.
I take partial responsibility for this problem. Over a year ago, when sipping too much vino and having a new girlfriend love fest, I spoke too much and told her that I felt so close to her that I’d even have her as part of my wedding someday, should that day EVER occur. Lo and behold, it’s occurring.
Now, while I did speak too much, I also find it frustrating that she assumed that would mean she’s a bridesmaid. I have friends I’ve known since childhood and together we fantasized for years about our ‘big days,’ but even they didn’t assume. I was taken off guard when I met up with this assuming bridesmaid and some other friends for girls’ night the other evening, and she said, “Umm, when are we going to pick out MY bridesmaid dress??” I didn’t want to open up a can of worms in front of the whole group, so I just said, “we will have to talk about it,” and changed the subject.
I value this friendship, but am quite annoyed with the whole situation. My bridal party is set, and will not be expanding. I would love to include her in another part of the event, but am afraid that this will burn some bridges if I don’t do it correctly. I think I know how I’m going to approach the issue, but would love some advice from different perspectives before I tactfully proceed… Thoughts?
Post # 3
OMG! that stinks! and sounds like something i would do!! the only suggestion I can think of is for you to say that when you said you wanted her to be part of the wedding party, you meant that you would like for her to do a reading (or something similar), and that you’re sorry if she assumed you meant that she would be a bridesmaid but actually because she has such a lovely voice/knowledge of poems/pick some other nice thing about her/ you really want her to do a reading/sing a song/help you with your makeup that day/whatever.
would you be ok with her being involved in some way just not as a bridesmaid? surely there must be something she can do? good luck!
Post # 4
I would suggest making her a Hostess. She can still have a part in the activities and be apart of your day.
Post # 5
I agree with Londongal. Break it to her with another task. Even if you were drunk, there was a part of you that really thought you might want to include her in your wedding some day.
People should NEVER assume though. I am not a fan to say the least.
All you can do is hope that she will understand and move forward
Post # 6
I have one of those. A friend who I’ve only known for about 6 months. She’s a lovely girl but I don’t know her that well and there are other people I’d add to the bridal party before her.
She keeps trying to get involved with my decisions which is the thing I find most frustrating. She’s organised a makeup trial for me, offered to get her mum to make favours for me, etc. It’s very nice but I’m a control freak at the best of times and I want to be deciding on this sort of thing!
I had to make it very clear that I am only having one bridesmaid and it was a done deal so there were no arguments to be had. It’s rude to assume anything in life, let alone something this big, so she is being rude. I would tell her who the bridesmaids will be, maybe just conversationally, and hope she takes the hint?