- Mr. Coffee
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Through the years Miss Coffee has pointed out things that… well, things she would prefer me not do. Case in point, every once in awhile (for whatever reason) I will move my tongue to each corner of my mouth… as if to remove a piece of food. The problem is, there’s never anything there and to be completely honest, I have no idea why I do it!
This drives Miss Coffee through the roof! “BABE” she’ll shout “STOP DOING THAT”! It’s not intentional and I never even realized it was happening… that is, until I met Miss Coffee. “I just don’t understand why you do that” she often would ask. My response to her question has never been clever or profound. I would love to say something along the lines of:
“Well, thirteen years ago I was on an expedition in Egypt and was finding my way through one the pyramids of Giza. I must have tripped some kind entrance into a secret room, because the next thing I knew… I was surrounded by a 27 foot tall Siamese cat! Immediately, the cat chased me into a corner, leaned down and asked if I had a ball of yarn. It was a very scary situation as I’m sure you could imagine and what made it worse; I of course, had no ball of yarn! The giant cat scratched me on the neck and said “I curse you son of Adam! From this day forth you will walk through life feeling like there is dried up food in the corners of your mouth… but there won’t be… people will laugh at you Son of Adam! They will point their fingers at you and laugh…. Now run away, before I eat you”! So that’s why it happens… it’s a curse”!!!
Instead of making the above claim, I usually say:
There are several other things I’ll do or say that drive Miss Coffee close to insanity. Some things make complete sense to me and I’ve honestly made strides in order to correct, minimize, or prevent them. However, last night I hit my limit! That’s right ladies, I said it… Last Night Miss Coffee broke the camel’s back!
Miss Coffee and I went to dinner at a neighborhood pub… 20 cent wing night at Redman’s! After dinner we decided to take short walk around our neighborhood, which was an excellent way to work of all those wings. I normally love my walks with Miss Coffee; especially in the fall, it’s our favorite season.
However, just has we began our pleasant walk… a bad case of hiccups over came me. “Oh great” I said to Miss Coffee “I have *hiccup* the *hiccup*… well you know”. Just then Miss Coffee turned to me and said the following:
“That’s gross babe… your hiccups are gross”!
I damn near stopped in my tracks, I was shocked and confused. In fact, in all my life I’ve never heard somebody make the claim that hiccups are gross”? What shocked me even more was the way Miss Coffee said it… as if I should immediately stop my hiccups!?!?
Ladies, you know as well as I do… you can’t just snap your fingers to stop hiccups. “What do you mean hiccups are gross” I said in response “wait! Do you mean all hiccups are gross or just mine”?
Long pause, long pause… silence as she pondered the question
“Nope, just yours I guess”
“So let me get things straight, your telling me that my hiccups are gross”?
“ok, what do you want me to do about it”?
We kept walking down the street… not saying anything for close to a minute. The only sound that filled the air was….. *hiccup*……..*hiccup*…………….. *hiccup*
“I’ll get right on that” I said under my breath