The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aug 30th, 2014

Sounds like a very helpful resource! I would enjoy reading a wedding book that focused on the “ritual gravity ” rather than just the pretty decorations.

My wedding is in a couple weeks, but to be honest the only emotional tension I’ve been experiencing has been related to financial stress ( I was laid off from my job unexpectedly a few months ago and have been having trouble finding a new one). My fiance and I have been living together for six years already, which I feel helps avoid a lot of the crises you listed!

Post # 6
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I may have to go out and find this book! I am very independent, and know that combining with another family (for me, as well as hime) will be an adjustments. I’m already trying to think of ways so we can spend time with both families for holidays – so that we don’t upset anyone.

I actually found that reading “A Practical Wedding” was very useful and calming. Has anyone else read it? I loved that it focused on the fact that for your wedding, you should remember how it made you feel and not what it looked like. Also, that traditions are merely what you do and what you want to do (make your own!), and there are no traditions except what society has made them out to be, and makes people feel like they HAVE to do certain stuff. Plus… so much more!

Post # 8
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MrsBuesleBee:  

I love that book. All of the information is very true and applied to my life.

The Conscious Bride helped me acknowledge my grief from the death of my single self.

The book also helped me realize why my parents were being so controlling-they were sad that they were “losing” their only daughter and the controlling behavior was a way to still feel relevant. 

I ended up eloping and there were more issues that were described in the book. I’m anticipating our vow renewal bringing closure to my husband and I, as well as a sense of completion for my parents since they are leaving the country soon after. They felt robbed when I eloped and I understand that completly. 

Post # 9
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MrsBuesleBee:  I just ordered two copies (used: very good) from Amazon. One for me, one for my bestie. I can’t wait! I do feel like I need some acknowledgement of these feelings. Hopefully this book will fill the void.

Post # 11
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MrsBuesleBee:  

When I tried to tell some about my sadness at the end of my single life, they were appalled and advised me not to get married. I also felt nauseous when I thought about all the money being wasted and again I was told that my husband wasn’t the right man. I am a very practical woman and I hated to see a small fortune wasted on ONE DAY. It had nothing to do with my husband. 

I’m glad we eloped because it established us as an independent couple. If controlling parents or in-laws are allowed to control a wedding, they will take that as carte blanche to butt into the marriage as well. I didn’t like hurting my parents but they would not listen to a word I said. 

Post # 13
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MrsBuesleBee:  

I still have some regret and resentment because our few guests ruined our elopement. My husband also made some mistakes which hurt me a great deal. You’re right that at least we didn’t give in to my parents’ overbearing nonsense.

My mother thought it was her wedding and that annoyed me a great deal, especially since we have never been close. The good thing about my elopement is it taught my mother that if she is going to be pushy and rude, she will simply not be included in my life. Now she is much kinder to me. 

I believe that I will be calm on the day we renew our vows because we have done everything on our terms and the relationship with my mother has healed a lot. I won’t have false friends around me like I did on our wedding day. My husband and I will be celebrating all that we have endured as a couple. 

I never believed that I would get married until I met my husband. I was also a raging feminist when I was younger and I believed that marriage was slavery for a woman. My mourning period included taking solitary walks through the neighbourhoods I lived in as a single woman. I also wrote in my journal frequently. Emotional intimacy is FRIGHTENING for me because I have survived a lot of abuse. 

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