(Closed) The Controversial Pre-Wedding Marriage:What do you think (special circumstance)?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would not be offended but Im positive you are going to get mixed answers.

Post # 4
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think it’s fine.  Just make sure your parents don’t slip up and tell anyone.  You don’t want it to turn into a situation where 1/2 the guests know and 1/2 don’t.  

My FI were considering doing this for health insurance purposes (we’ve been together for over a decade so it wouldn’t be “scamming the system” or anything like that).  Turns out we won’t need to, but each couple needs to do what’s best for them.  Unfortunately there are a lot of stupid laws out there that may necessitate something like this.

Congrats!  

Post # 5
Member
3901 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t be offended either. Makes perfect sense to me.

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!! I know two separate couples who did legal unions ages before having the ceremony/reception. In both cases it was around a year. Also, in both cases it had to do with immigration paperwork. In one to groom was coming to the US and in the other the bride was coming to England. 

I did not attend the legal ceremonies (they were immediate family only) but in both cases I attended the vow renewal/big party reception. They were wonderful, touching, and as a guest I didn’t care one whit that they were already legally married. I was there to be a witness to their love and celebrate with them. Period.

Do what you have to do with the government paperwork and have your ceremony/reception later. It’s about what’s best for the two of you!

Post # 8
Member
4276 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t find this “offensive” in any circumstance. People can do what they want, I don’t care. Go for it.

Post # 9
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t find it Offensive at all. Do what works for you guys. It seems like you both have talked about it and have a good head on your shoulders with realistic goals…go for it 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t be offended at all. It sounds like the right choice considering your circumstances.

Post # 11
Member
2908 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t find it offensive at all. I had friends who got married the week they got engaged for health insurance purposes, then had a wedding six months later. I didn’t think of their wedding any differently than other weddings, and I don’t think their friends or family did, either. (They actually had three weddings – one at City Hall, one Jewish ceremony to make the bride’s Orthodox parents happy, and one secular ceremony and reception with friends and family in attendance.) 

That said, FI and I were considering getting married at the end of December for health insurance – he doesn’t have any and was ill, and it also would have saved me a bunch of money on my taxes to file as married instead of single for 2012 – but in the end, decided not to. I was cool with it at first, but then I realized that I’d be really disappointed to not be actually getting married on my wedding day. It’s a big part of what I’d looked forward to about our wedding – waking up that morning as a single woman, then getting to spend the rest of the day looking at my husband and saying “We’re married now! We’re husband and wife!” and being able to enjoy that new relationship status at the same time as the celebration. But I’m kind of a mushball that way. Anyway, it worked out that we found FI a doctor who would treat him at a low cost, and we decided not to marry ahead of time. I definitely would have, if it came to that, but I’m really glad that we didn’t have to. 

Post # 12
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Makes no difference to me. Life isn’t a romantic comedy and love doesn’t pay the bills.

Post # 13
Member
6260 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it’s offensive, but as a guest, I wouldn’t want to know about it.

Post # 15
Bee
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@LostInWonderland:  I don’t think it’s offensive at all. One of my old friends went through the same thing, and when she and her husband finally had saved money for a wedding a few years later, it was beautiful, and everyone was very happy for them. Good luck!!

Post # 16
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve never understood why people think it’s so offensive to have a secret ‘legal’ marriage and then a public marriage ceremony afterwards. Just do make sure that nobody knows about it- like a PP mentioned, you might get some hurt feelings if half your guests know about it and half don’t.

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