Weddingbee boards

I’m super frustrated with our dates and changing them. Our original date was July 31st, 2010 because it would have been a long weekend and we could have had it at a camp site. But due to lack money, and both of us living in different cities, there was no way we could made that happen without a miracle.

Then we pushed our date back to January 29th, 2011 because it would be exactly four years for us and we would only have to remember one date. Easy enough right? Apparently not, I’ll still be in college and he’ll have just moved here not long before. One of the conditions my family has is for them to pay for my schooling, I have to live at home. I know it’s only 4 months, but I’d really like to live with husband once we’re married.

So now our date has been changed again. This time we set nothing in stone until I can get back to the city we’re having the wedding in and actually book vendors like a ceremony and reception site. The three dates we narrowed it down to are 11/11/11, 02/11/12, and 11/03/12. Seeing as the first is Remembrance Day, I think it’s highly unlikely we’d be able to book somewhere, and on top of that, it’s a Friday night. The second is a mere four days after his birthday and while he says it won’t be stressful, I’m worried it will be anyways. And the last is my favourite; November 3rd. I don’t know why, I just love that day. It’s possible it’s because I’m imagining cloudy/snowy skies with just us in black & white in front of them *sigh*.

When I bring up the date issue though, it’s not even about the date. It’s about the fact he wants to move here (5 hours from our home town) but doesn’t have a penny saved. He has a full time job, he’s been working there for about two months, lives with his parents, and doesn’t ever go out. I don’t understand what he’s been doing with said money. He hasn’t been saving it, or putting it towards actually getting me a ring (will post about that after...) but yet he has NOTHING to show for working. I understand he has a visa bill, and cell phone bill to pay, and his mother to pay for gas. But he only gives her about 80$ a month, and he’s making about 600$ per cheque.

I feel like bridezilla freaking over the fact we can’t set a solid date because we’re supposed to be paying for our wedding together. It doesn’t even feel like he wants to marry me anymore, and I’m not just saying that either. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me but it’s just stressful that he doesn’t save.

I’ve explained all of this to him, and he says he’s going to put money away this Friday when he gets paid. Is it wrong for me to ask to hold onto said money so he doesn’t spend it? Or should I just keep my mouth shut from now on?

I actually pay rent to my parents, pay my own bills, (averaging about 1200$ per month) and have a full time job. I actually plan to live here until I am married anyways, that's never bothered me. I am financially independent, but tuition and books is more than expensive. My mom knows I'm saving for the wedding, and that's why the plan was put in place. After I'm finished my schooling April 2011 (which starts Jan 2010), I'll have enough money left over to put a down payment on a house, or that is the plan.

The venues in our home town are actually already booked for the Jan 2011 date we had wanted anyways, so booking fairly far in advance is needed. So it's not too far out at all.

Yes, he relies on his parents a lot, but that is what I'm trying to break. I've suggusted to his parents that he pays them rent and they put it away into a savings account since they don't actually need it, but they don't think it's acceptable. And it's not that he can't tell me where it's going, he pays his two visas, his cell phone bill and his mom, he eats lunch out a lot, it's that he wouldn't put any away, and I feel like I should ask to put it in a savings account which I can also see to make sure he's not spending it.

We actually are engaged, he proposed this past March using my promise ring that was getting sized at the time because he was still in school. So it's not that at all, I've asked him a few times if this was moving too fast to make sure, and he keeps saying no it's moving too slow. If he had it his way, I'd be there and we'd have been married months ago.

What about a joint savings account, would that be more appropriate then?

I had wondered why you had said BF but kinda just kept reading... makes much more sense. I'll see where our conversation goes tonight, we both get paid tomorrow so I thought maybe it might make him feel better if I can make room to save as well. I know they get bigger, I saw my parents divorce, then my father divorce my brothers mom, and my mom is on disability while my step-fatehr works. I think that's why I was worried. Thank you for the suggestion though, I'm going to attempt to talk it through with him again tonight... it's hard having these conversations with over 300KM between us.