Post # 1
So, I got engaged, and suddenly people I haven’t talked to in years want to hang out and help with wedding planning. The problem is, we are having a very small wedding with a lot of family and only a few close friends. I don’t know how to handle people who want to help wedding plan, but aren’t going to be invited. I feel aweful! What do I do?
Post # 3
You know how misery loves company? So does happiness. I’m sure the initial buzz will wear off and you’ll be free to plan and invite people to your wedding as you see fit 🙂
Post # 4
Run…Run….Run…and dont look back….They want an invite…:)hahaha
Post # 5
@niasg1: Haha, that’s exactly what I was thinking! Some people have this weird obsession that they HAVE to be invited to weddings, even if they’re not super close with the couple! A new engagement ring apparently screams, “I’m inviting EVERYONE!”
Post # 6
Ignore them! Be kind, say “Oh yes! Thank you! We are really excited, thank you for offering to help.” Then shut up. They’ll eventually leave you alone.
Also, don’t post too much info all over facebook and what not, like SapphireSun said, the excitement will wear off when it’s not new news anymore.
Even if you weren’t planning on inviting them, they probably really do have your best interests at heart, even if all they want is an invite they can’t have.
Post # 7
I agree with the PP that you should say, thanks we are really excited then drop it. People are happy for you but I find that a lot of people want to make it known when someone gets engaged that they want to help and blah blah. I just ignored it after a while and got on with my planning. 🙂
Post # 8
They all offer so much help in the beginning, and a few days later, you have yet to hear from people. It’s just their natural instinct to say they’d help out, so don’t worry about it!
Post # 9
We’re having a small-ish wedding too. Whenever people we aren’t inviting start asking about our plans, we use words like “intimate” and “quaint” to help get the idea across that it won’t exactly be a free-for-all. “That’s an interesting idea, thanks!” is how I’ve been responding to help/ideas from those who won’t be invited.
Post # 10
I don’t think that people that are offering help want an invite. I typically say congrats and offer to be there for any q’s they might have during the planning process, often with the joke that I need to do something with all the wedding knowledge I’ve amassed 🙂 I never do this with an expectation of an invite in mind – just wanting to share my happiness and be helpful if I can.
So don’t assume the worst, but also don’t worry about it. The buzz will die down, and if you don’t take them up on their offer for help, they will likely not bring it up again.
Post # 11
don’t let them help with things for the wedding and DO NOT discuss wedding things (that is my hardest challenge…). you will feel like since they know soooo much about your wedding you may have to invite them,,,,,so skip that feeling of obligation and do not include them at all.
Post # 12
haha yep funny how it works isn’t it? I found that randos came out of the wood work to make it less awkward to ask to see a picture of my ring, or to get an invite to what’s going to be a fabulous party! No thanks people. I just ignored them. I had people texting me that I didn’t know who it was since I didn’t have them in my phone anymore. If you have to start your text asking to see my ring with Hey this is X, you probs shouldn’t be texting me! 😉
Post # 13
I agree with PP. Just say thank you and I’ll let you know if I need anything and leave it at that. Don’t try to include everyone. This is about you and your FI. You two should start off with assessing how you want to go about planning then move from there.
I did reach out to a couple of people – one who was already planning and looked at some of the same venues that I looked at. She actually made some suggestions for places I didn’t think of and I settled on one of her suggestions. So, that helped. You will learn who you can trust to really help you out and who just wants to plan this like it’s their wedding or those who just want an invite.
Post # 14
@javamonkey: lol this is why I didn’t tell anybody I was engaged and they all only found out after my wedding day XD they’re suddenly your best pals because they want to be invited to your wedding – free food, favors etc.
Just politely turn down their offers of help.
Post # 15
@musician32992: My theory is if I dont talk to you on regular basis than do not expect an invite…You are not considered a close friend and I only want people who are truly happy for me and give good energy. Not people who just want to come and see and have something negative to say.
I have already called my family to tell the ones that are invited that they will be getting an invitation.
Post # 16
@niasg1: Sounds like a good plan. My family alone makes up over 80 people, so very, very few people will be getting an invite outside of that and my SO’s family.