Post # 1
FI and I were talking about our honeymoon this weekend. We are thinking of doing a trip to the UK in March and have been discussing details about where we want to go, where we will stay, etc. FI has already been, about 15 or so years ago he left his wife and two kids and did a 2.5 week backpacking trip around Europe. I know financially they weren’t well off or anything, and it got me thinking about how I would be SO NOT OK with that. Is it normal for married men to want to travel alone? I’m not talking about work related trips. Part of me feels like I must be the selfish one to want to keep him from doing that, but we both are extremely passionate about wanting to make traveling a big part of our lives. Up until now he has always told me he couldn’t imagine traveling alone now and that he wanted me to be with him. This weekend when we discussed it he said he may like to go alone again sometime. I’m not really ok with finances am I the bad guy here? Also, to clarify….I’m cool with him going on trips with buddies, or weekend trips to the beach alone to write, things like that…I’m talking more about the 1-2week trips out of the country. And specifically trips where he would be completely alone.
Post # 3
@Macsgirl14: I sometimes have the desire to travel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to travel with SO. But maybe sometimes I want to go to places that wouldn’t interest him and therefore wouldn’t feel right asking him to use vacation time/money to do it, and likewise I don’t usually want to buy both plane tickets AND pay for accomodations for two people by myself.
For example we’d love to go to Europe together. But one place I’d like to go someday is Paris and he doesn’t. I don’t blame him. In Paris I’d be shopping, lounging at cafes and people watching. Doesn’t sound too fun for a guy lol
Bottom line: I’d always have much more fun WITH him, but going without him or him going without me has more to do with adventure and curiousity than wanting to hook up with foreign one-night-stands.
Post # 4
I see where you are coming from….I would be interested in going anywhere FI wanted to go. I love to travel, and I can’t really think air anywhere I wouldn’t be happy going if he was there with me. Not even the greatest place in the world sounds very fun alone, though. I really feel like I am just wired differently though!
Post # 5
I can certainly understand the feeling – there’s nothing like exploring a new place on your own. However, I don’t think I would like that too much. If he wants to go somewhere without me, that’s fine. But I would much rather he makes it a trip with some of his friends instead. There’s nothing I can pinpoint that would bother me about him being alone (besides worrying about his safety 24/7!!) but it just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
I think it would be much better in that type of scenario if you are traveling together but take a day here and there to go and do your own thing. For example, you could stay somewhere close to Paris and you could go in for the day and he could go find something else he wants to do for the day. That way you both get what you want but you also get to come back to each other. That sort of thing would be ideal for me.
Post # 6
@Macsgirl14: …some people are solitary creatures, and our dispositions long for times when we are utterly and completely alone…I am one of these creatures and while Mr. 99 is a pack animal in every sense of the word…he understands my need to “Go Underground” every once in a while.
Its a testament to my affection for him that I’m around him as much as I am….but I’ll still take off for a week every now and again, because I need to….its not a symptom of unhappiness or an illicit trip for infidelity…I just gotta be alone for a minute.
Post # 7
@Macsgirl14: While I think it is perfectly normal to take a weekend here or there by yourself or with the girls or with the boys, I think anything longer than that is asking for trouble. Of course, I am basing this off personal experience, but I dated someone who did this while he was married to his ex-wife. He went on a 10 week road trip across the country. I can assure you that he was not faithful on this trip and continued to display unfaithful behaviors. I’m not trying to say it is related, just sharing my personal experience.
Post # 8
I’d be hurt. Maybe later on our marriage…but def not the first 5 years and it probably won’t be practical after that.
Post # 9
I’d be ok with it. I’ve wanted to travel alone before too. I love traveling w/ FI, but sometimes I just need time in my own head.
Post # 10
I have never been on a trip alone and wouldn’t want to, same with FI. If he were going for a long weekend or a week long guys trip with his friends that is one thing, but 2.5 weeks by himself is another.
Post # 11
I think it’d be selfish to spend all that money to go alone and leave your wife and kids at home. Why not save the money and do a fmaily vacation?
Post # 12
@Macsgirl14: I would find it very weird because something like that wouldn’t be true to our relationship at all. We love being together and exploring new things/places/ideas together. I can’t imagine using my vacation time and money to travel without my spouse. In my book, vacations are something you do together. I am happy to have a spouse who feels the same.
Post # 13
I couldn’t imagine traveling alone, it’s just not my personality.
Even if there is something that one of us wants to do that the other doesn’t we compromise. However, I can only think of this happening 1 time in all the places we have traveled together, as him and I are usually 100% on the same page with what we want to do/see.
However, I may be willing to travel domestically alone, or if he wanted to I would be okay with it, but I would never go on an international trip without him/ a friend.
Post # 14
@Macsgirl14: As long as we had the budget for it, I encourage my husband to go on solo trips and he’d do the same for me. He is likely going to the UK to see a friend in the next few months and then doing some solo daytripping while the friend works. We both have a list of places we want to see before we die. We agree we want to see most places on the list together, but not every single one. We might not get to all of them if we travel together! FWIW, I’d probably prefer to go with a friend or at least meet up with one along the way, since I’d rather be social. But I can totally imagine that DH would be thrilled to go totally solo and I’d support him 100%! He’s gotta call to check in though at least once every 24 hours. 😉
I think it’s important when you are part of a couple to get back in touch with yourself. Spending time alone, reflecting, gaining confidence in your own abilities. Solo travel is one way to accomplish that. APW had a good post about this recently: http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/08/newly-married-unemployed-and-traveling-alone/
Post # 15
I find the fact that over half the women here wouldn’t let their SOs travel solo really sad. People are still individuals, and deserve to have their own adventures. My DH and I are going to Antarctica in January, and while I have to come back to work immediately after, my DH has more vacation time and wanted to explore Chile for a few weeks. Of course I said yes! It is my role to support him in exploration, not to close off his opportunitites just because I can’t be there.
Post # 16
Mr TTR and I both have times when we vacation with our BFFs, and I think that is healthy.
The rest of the time we vacation together as a couple, I could never dream of us going off on our own alone.
But then we are both “pack” animals by nature (thanks @Nona99: for the terminology)
That said, I can see where some people need a bit more personal space at time… and IF I was married to one of them, then that is something I’d have to adjust to.
What I am NOT OK WITH based on your post / description are these statements:
I know financially they weren’t well off or anything,
I’m not really ok with finances (if he did it again while married to me)
These are both EXTREMELY IMPORTANT points…
A Marriage is a partnership… yes people within it are individuals… BUT the reponsibility to the other person / marriage is much greater than just the sum of the individual parts
The money he’d be spending to make such a trip is NOT JUST HIS
IT IS HIS & YOURS
IF that meant you’d be facing hardship (alone or as a couple) then his making such a choice would be EXTREMELY SELFISH
And a Healthy, Successful Marriage does not include such occurences / words.
Hope this helps,
Sooo, knowing your concerns, I VOTED – WOULDN’T FLY WITH ME