(Closed) The distance is starting to become more than physical

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

So no relations since December or ever?  No wonder he is angry and you get into fights with each other when you finally do get to see each other.  He has to get out that frustration somehow.  If you’re waiting until marriage to do the deed and so long as there are no other issues in your relationship then I suggest you get married pronto.  I think being able to have relations is going to alleviate a ton of the stress.   How many guys would say I just want to be married already?  If you still want to wait then plan something small and intimate or elope in December when you’re back on the family estate.

Post # 4
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It only takes ten minutes to make someone’s day…true, it’s a hell of a lot easier when you live in the same house to do that, but it’s not impossible at all….this summer my mother was very sick, and I was at the Mayo Clinic with her for almost a month, it was really hard on Mr. 99 and I but we both knew I was what she needed right then so it was ok….some of the things I did were really silly but that’s just kind of how I am…I shipped him one of those microwave meals with a heart shaped note that read, “How bout Dinner?”  We made little dates to watch the same movie or tv show and talk on the phone, we read a book or two together and talked about it, I kept mailing him weird post cards or touristy crap, texted him pictures of the funny things I saw throughout the day so he knew what I was up to, those ranged from neat looking cactuses to a shot of the chain gang cleaning up the highway….I don’t know it if helps, but it got us through a pretty hard month…good luck!

Post # 7
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is skyping an option? when my husband and I were still engaged we were pretty long disyance. Men do tend to be more physical and visual so simply talking on the phone wasn’t enough for him. (his exact words lol) Skype worked WONDERS and helped with some of the frutration of separation. We could see each other even though we couldn’t be physically present together 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

DH and I were temporarily long distance for several weeks recently for work/move reasons and it SUCKED. I think it sounds like how your FI feels now is similar to how I felt. I’m very “physical” in love, as far as craving the cuddling, hand holding, face to face interaction (and now that we’re married, ALL the physical stuff, haha!), and not having that made me feel that we were more emotionally distant as well.

Some things that helped:

1. Communication… yeah it’s cliche, but it’s true. We talked every night but sometimes that wasn’t enough for me. I talked to DH about it and said, I’d be happier if we talked longer at night and if you texted me little stuff during the day.

2. Remembering that you guys are a team, that you’re looking out for one another. Unfortunately people tend to unload on those they are closest to. Both of us had to make a conscious effort to treat one another as we wanted to be treated.

Since you say he’s more physically oriented, would sending pictures help?

@ASH. had a great suggestion about Skype! We didn’t use it because DH didn’t have a computer, but I think it would have helped.

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LaTortuga:  wow you’re a little snotty there about sex not being an issue. Just because your fiance is a virgin doesn’t mean that he is devoid of all urges! 

But anyway–you guys should do skype dates! get a glass of wine and have dinner together over the webcam—sometimes you just need to see the other person’s face instead of always talking into the phone

Post # 10
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LaTortuga:  We weren’t doing the long-distance thing while engaged, but when we’d only been dating for 18 months, I went away to law school.  The separation was so difficult that my wife left the military to move to NYC with me, even though we saw each other every other weekend.  Some people can handle the separation.  We couldn’t.

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