Post # 1
Ladies for those of you who don’t know yet FI and I are in a slight long distance relationship until December. We have been dealing with this for about a year. Until now its not really been an issue,I pretty much saw FI every weekend. He is in Columbus, I am in Dayton going to school. Thus not a long drive.
Well in August he moved into the mother in law suite (also could be known as a guest house) on the family estate. Now though he lives rent free for a few months he is farther from me. Thus those weekly trips have become biweekly or tri weekly. To be honest I am ok with it- we talk every night on the phone. But the past couple times we saw each other we fought and it got mean and nasty. Then last night he came clean. “I just want to be married already” The poor guy is stressed because he has a hard time when we are apart. Also there have been a lot of change going on in our life. He not only moved but got a new car and has taken on 2 new gigs. I am getting ready to graduate and move home. Then get a job and a car. Lots of decisions we have to make together and we are not together to make them so its all phone related. Sure I get the stress he is going through.
I guess I’m worried about how to help him realize I still love him and that that hasn’t changed. Men can be very Physical and since that isnt an option the FI is having a hard time with th distance. That translates into some fights minor and major. Its taking an emotional toll on both of us. His comments said it all. This stress is to much for him and its causing him to lash out against it.
Bees how have you dealt with time apart from your SO? Unfortunately seeing each other more often will not be possible since he has 2 more gigs on his plate. On the flip side in December we will both be living on the family estate. So how do I help him through the next 2 months?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
So no relations since December or ever? No wonder he is angry and you get into fights with each other when you finally do get to see each other. He has to get out that frustration somehow. If you’re waiting until marriage to do the deed and so long as there are no other issues in your relationship then I suggest you get married pronto. I think being able to have relations is going to alleviate a ton of the stress. How many guys would say I just want to be married already? If you still want to wait then plan something small and intimate or elope in December when you’re back on the family estate.
Post # 4
It only takes ten minutes to make someone’s day…true, it’s a hell of a lot easier when you live in the same house to do that, but it’s not impossible at all….this summer my mother was very sick, and I was at the Mayo Clinic with her for almost a month, it was really hard on Mr. 99 and I but we both knew I was what she needed right then so it was ok….some of the things I did were really silly but that’s just kind of how I am…I shipped him one of those microwave meals with a heart shaped note that read, “How bout Dinner?” We made little dates to watch the same movie or tv show and talk on the phone, we read a book or two together and talked about it, I kept mailing him weird post cards or touristy crap, texted him pictures of the funny things I saw throughout the day so he knew what I was up to, those ranged from neat looking cactuses to a shot of the chain gang cleaning up the highway….I don’t know it if helps, but it got us through a pretty hard month…good luck!
Post # 5
@beachbride1216: Ok moving a wedding due to this is not going to happen.He hasn’t seen me every week since maybe August of this year, I move home in December. He moved in August and thats when weekly visits turned to bi weekly or tri weekly visits. Sex isnt an issue, this frustration isn’t sexually related unless you consier cuddling, holding hands, and other simple forms of Physical contact to be sexual. Bottom Line the wedding isn’t going to moe, we are not eloping and nothing would happen until we were married in the Catholic Church anyways. So its June. This stress is related to the fact that there isn’t the ability to actually see each other and there is a lot of change going on. Also FI was a virgin before we met so when we decided that we should wait it wasn’t an issue. 29years vs a year would not make sex the cause of frustration
This has nothing to do with anything sexual.
Post # 6
@Nona99: These are great ideas! Ill try it. We have been writing each other love notes and mailing them though that is more an emotional and mental level so while it helps me I don’t know how much it actually helps him.
Post # 7
Is skyping an option? when my husband and I were still engaged we were pretty long disyance. Men do tend to be more physical and visual so simply talking on the phone wasn’t enough for him. (his exact words lol) Skype worked WONDERS and helped with some of the frutration of separation. We could see each other even though we couldn’t be physically present together 🙂
Post # 8
DH and I were temporarily long distance for several weeks recently for work/move reasons and it SUCKED. I think it sounds like how your FI feels now is similar to how I felt. I’m very “physical” in love, as far as craving the cuddling, hand holding, face to face interaction (and now that we’re married, ALL the physical stuff, haha!), and not having that made me feel that we were more emotionally distant as well.
Some things that helped:
1. Communication… yeah it’s cliche, but it’s true. We talked every night but sometimes that wasn’t enough for me. I talked to DH about it and said, I’d be happier if we talked longer at night and if you texted me little stuff during the day.
2. Remembering that you guys are a team, that you’re looking out for one another. Unfortunately people tend to unload on those they are closest to. Both of us had to make a conscious effort to treat one another as we wanted to be treated.
Since you say he’s more physically oriented, would sending pictures help?
@ASH. had a great suggestion about Skype! We didn’t use it because DH didn’t have a computer, but I think it would have helped.
Post # 9
@LaTortuga: wow you’re a little snotty there about sex not being an issue. Just because your fiance is a virgin doesn’t mean that he is devoid of all urges!
But anyway–you guys should do skype dates! get a glass of wine and have dinner together over the webcam—sometimes you just need to see the other person’s face instead of always talking into the phone
Post # 10
@LaTortuga: We weren’t doing the long-distance thing while engaged, but when we’d only been dating for 18 months, I went away to law school. The separation was so difficult that my wife left the military to move to NYC with me, even though we saw each other every other weekend. Some people can handle the separation. We couldn’t.