- 5 years ago
I’m not even sure if I sould be posting this, as I think a few other bees know who I am in ‘real life’ – if you do, I would really appreciate it if you kept this information to yourself, obviously it’s not something that is public knowledge.
FI-to-be (MJ) has had his grandmother, uncle and grandfather pass away form cancer that started from a melanoma in the past 3 years. His dad has also had melanoma’s removed – obviously this is a concern in his family and he gets regular checks and takes extra precautions in the sun etc.
Last weekend I cut his hair and checked the moles on his head as I usually do. A mole that three months ago was small, round and brown is now 1cmx1cm, uneven edges and is a pink/beige colour with red marks. Needless to say we were both concerned and went to have it checked on Tuesday. The Doctor was very concerned and reccomended we have it removed and tested as soon as possible.
He also said that sometimes when moles change rapidly, as this one has, it means that they are benign, as cancerous moles are usually slow growing – which is obviously a good thing, but due to his family history and the look of the mole, it seems unlikely.
Bee’s I don’t know what to do.
You may have read my previous post about coping with our miscarriage and how I’m still holding on to my anger and pain, as well as how that’s been affecring MJ and I in getting engaged – plus I was in hospital 7 weeks ago as I had to have emergency surgery to remove my appendix, there were complications in surgery and it took more then two times as long, then there were complications when I went home, which resulted in me going back into hospital (though I’m okay now).
He’s been taking care of me, being there for me, for what feels like forever and now it’s my turn to be supportive, be a rock for him as he deals with all the emotions of this situation and all I can do is cry at the drop of a hat and worry myself sick. I feel so selfish and so unhelpful.
He’s looking into getting it removed/tested next week and I will travel with him for the procedure. We’ve talked about it, what our plans will be if it comes back cancerous (we’d have to move cities, if not move back home, which is a different country) and how he’s feeling, the things he’s worried about.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel like our worlds been turned upside down and it may never be right again. I’m terified I’ll loose him. Loose our future. That he’s never going to be able to do all the things he wants to do, travel to the places he dreams of travelling to, have the family we both want in our future.
Everything else I’ve been dwelling on now seems so trivial and pointless.
And I know I’m jumping the gun and there could be nothing to worry about but I’m so scared for him. And for me.
Anyone been through something similar? Any advice?
I’m not at all religious, but MJ is and if you have a moment to spare a prayer for him that would mean the world to me.