(Closed) The dreaded bachelor party caused a fight 6 days before the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So he did something you said would hurt you. All I can say is this IS going to happen in your marriage. There’s no way around it. People screw up and hurt other people in the process – and sometimes people don’t feel that they’ve screwed up but someone gets hurt anyway.

 

I think as these things happen throughout your marriage you’ll need to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker or not. If not, all you can do is calmly ask him to respect your feelings – you respected his decision to make his own choices for his bachelor party, so he has to respect the consquences of that, which you did warn him of.

 

I wish I had more helpful advice but there isn’t any. I think you should just both say whatever it is you have to say, agree to disagree and be done with it. I doubt you’ll both ever come to an agreement on this, so it’s best to just get out whatever it is you have to say and move on so you can focus on your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kris325:  He didn’t want YOU going to a strip club but doesn’t understand why you’re upset?

I recommend you tell him you’re going to a strip club and then go. 

Or tell him you’re going to a bar where you’ll take off your shirt and let the male bartender spank you. 

Or tell him you’re going to dance naked for strange men.

After all, nothing wrong with it right?  What’s to be upset about? 

Post # 6
Member
9620 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You stated you’re “not mad” about this issue over and over and over yet again.

You have every right to be angry about this.  Why aren’t you angry?  He disrespected you.  He lied to you.  He went back on his word to you.  And, in that sense, yes he did betray you.

How would he feel if you did the same thing he did?  You both agreed to not go to strip clubs and he went and not only went but made a long and deep experience for himself at it, as well.  He told you every detail. 

What he did is so unkind to you.  Yes, you are hurt.  Now you need to get mad.  He got mad at YOU!?   WTF is wrong with this picture?

His actions tell me he doesn’t respect you.  He’s not concerned if he loses you or not.  Please tell me some good things about this man because by this description he sound immature, selfish and narcissistic, for starters.

He knew he would hurt you and cause you pain if he did what he did.  He chose to do it anyway.  I’m so sorry he put you through this!

Post # 7
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@sanjessica:  This x10000000

Your marriage WILL have it’s share of struggles. You need to decide whether it’s a deal breaker or not. If not, let him know that this hurt you. Spend a couple days being mad at him if you have to, but MOVE ON. Don’t forget that he hurt you, but you need to forgive him.

Post # 8
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Well you DID explain to him how you felt. Either he truly wasn’t on the same page as you and your agreement to not go or he originally was but decided that he would rather handle the repurcussions later and carry on wwith the night. 

I don’t really have advice because you really only have two options. You can either move past it,  marry him and chalk it up to a bachelor party one time thing OR you can postpone until both of your feelings are sorted.

 

Post # 9
Member
9620 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Zhabeego:  +1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Agreed.

Post # 10
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kris325:  I think you’ve done all you can do. Like the PP said – remind him of how he might feel if roles were reversed. You are totally correct that you have the right to feel the way you do. If he can’t see that right now, maybe he will in time. I think it’s best to just drop it and move on. You’ve done all you can. 

Post # 11
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I would be equally as a hurt as you are. It sounds like this was a typical “peer pressure” situation where his friends convinced him that he should go to a strip club because that’s “just what you do” at a bachelor party. But that’s not an excuse.

 

He was in the wrong, and now you two have to deal with it and fix it before the wedding (and you don’t have much time!) 

 

The best and only thing you can do is sit down with him, with no distractions, and talk talk talk until you guys are certain that you understand each other and move forward. I know it sounds simple but that’s because it is. I don’t think there’s any sort of magic elixir for this one…you just have to honestly and openly communicate and both come to a place of understanding and forgiveness.

 

Good luck.

 

Post # 12
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sorry this happened so close to your big day. Try the role reversal thing. He will more than likely agree he would be hurt if you did the same but guys usually never “really” see how much it hurts until you actually do the same. That is petty and would only cause more problems you dont need right now if you actually did such a thing. Like a PP said just see if this is a deal breaker and I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 13
Member
8530 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@kris325:  

are you hurt by the fact that he went to a strip club or the fact that he was throwing away money you don’t have.  From the story, it doesn’t look like he lied to you about what he did.

if it is the fact that he went to a strip club, honestly, i think you should just be over it. a strip club really isn’t a big deal. 

my FI is working on planning the bachelor party with the best man.  He told me he isn’t having strippers, etc.  I told him, do whatever he wants, he can be wild and crazy (I know how his friends can be).  I even told the best man that I’m ok with whatever. Just don’t come home with STDs, don’t have sex, and don’t tell me about whatever shenanigans go on. 

 

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@kris325:  I would be extremely wary about marrying him. He doesnt sound like a mature adult. I can’t imagine my fiance ever doing something that i told him it would hurt me if he did it. I mean, like PP said, he probably WILL pull stuff like this on your marriage. For me it would be a deal breaker because he did something against your wishes, when it hurt you, and then got mad at you for being sad!

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You keep saying he doesn’t understand how you feel. I  don’t agree. I think he understands EXACTLY how you feel – and he feels guilty and defensive about it. It’s probably compounded by it being so close to the wedding and stress levels being high already. Some people, when they feel guilty and defensive, will go on the attack. It’s immature and stupid, but not exactly uncommon.

In his favour, he has apologized, profusely. If you’re going to accept his apology and marry him, then stop turning the knife. I’m not sure why the subject keeps getting brought up over and over again, but if you’re the one bringing it up, stop. If it’s him, tell him you think it’s been discussed enough. You have an absolute right to feel the way you do, but you don’t have a right to use your feelings to punish him by continuing to make him feel guilty.

Post # 16
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Sunfire:  +1

 

@Zhabeego:  +1

 

Honestly, I don’t get how he could say, “I never meant to hurt you,” when you specifically told him that it would hurt you and then asked him to please not go. For him to still go says, to me, that he just didn’t care that it would hurt you and he probably thought, “she’ll get over it.” Honestly, I feel like the only time strip clubs are acceptable in a relationship is if both parties are okay with it. If he didn’t want you going to one then he shouldnt think its okay for him to go to one. Personally I would be furious. I would feel like he blatantly disregarded my feelings on the matter when there was no question on how I felt about the issue. Sometimes in these types of posts there is a little ambiguity, but you came out and told him exactly how you felt and what you didn’t want him to do. He might be a great guy, but his actions in this cirumstance were very selfish.

The topic ‘The dreaded bachelor party caused a fight 6 days before the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors