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So FI and I do not drink, occasionally we will have a glass of champagne or a beer, but really its not for us. But, both families do. We are college students, and when we marry we will just have graduated and I think that a wedding of 40 people, close family and friends, that we shouldn't have an open bar. I want to pay for a champagne toast for everyone, maybe pay for beer, but that's it.."tacky"? Such a pain to even plan a wedding...I'm so over it!
I have a friend whose getting married, and they don't ever drink. I think it's kind of silly for people who are having small weddings and don't drink to be forced to pay for guests' alcohol consumption :). I know a lot of people think of alcohol as a requirement for a wedding, but I think you'll be just fine :).
@MsRMTiffany: You don't have to do a full open bar. Maybe just have wine and beer and a champagne toast.
Or you could place 2-3 bottles of wine on each table and when it's gone it's gone.
Can you supply your own alcohol? Or does the venue require they provide it?
I think not having hard liquor and just doing wine and beer is a fine option (and would help you save some money).
@MsRMTiffany: I wouldn't do a cash bar under any circumstances. You just don't ask your guests to pay for their own refreshments. Choose the option that works with your budget even if that means a dry wedding with a champagne toast. You can mitigate people's upset with this by having an afternoon reception instead of an evening reception.
A beer and wine bar is also a less expensive option.
Do beer and wine, with a champane toast. Cash Bar is rude to your guests, it's like "hey thanks for driving out here, getting us a gift, but go buy your own drinks". Beer + Wine won't set you back too much, and your guests will appreciate it. And hey - you'll probably want a glass of wine or two!
I personally don't understand why cash bars are considered 'tacky'! If you decide that you are not providing an open bar, for whatever reason, then having your guests pay for their own drinks is no biggie! Maybe it's a regional thing, but cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I wouldn't worry about it. Your guests are coming to celebrate with you, hopefully not to judge your reception.
I think you should do a beer and wine bar. I'm in the same camp that you shuold not ask your guests to pay for anything. Personally I think its rude, I'd rather is be a dry reception than have to pay for anything.
If you're providing other options (water, soda, etc) I don't see why it's unheard of to ask guests to pay for alcohol. We did a few drink tickets per guest so that we provided some, if they wanted additional they could purchase them. You could also do a wine bottle on each table as part of a centerpiece, and give them their booze that way.
Do whatever you want. If people arrive and think 'OH NOEZ THERE'S NO BOOZE?' then they're not there for the right reasons.
I would think that for 40 people, it would be very easy and low cost to provide wine, and perhaps beer if you want. You could probably get everything you need for $200 or less, and no one should be offended by that.
@puddingpop: They are considered "tacky" because you are inviting these people to your event. As part of the event etiquette states that these guests pay their own way TO the event as well as get the couple a gift. By asking them to pay for their refreshments on top of that, what are you really providing at the event? Also, many people do not even carry cash anymore.
I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, but I think limiting what is available at the bar is perfectly OK.
I'm in the beer and wine camp, I really don't see the point of cash bars.
I agree with @puddingpop. I've never been to a wedding that had an open bar all night. Most just had a one hour open bar for the cocktail hour. I know when I go to a wedding that I should bring cash, so it's not that big of a deal. I would MUCH rather pay for my own drinks than go to a dry wedding. Just do what you can afford and don't worry about what people think.
"I personally don't understand why cash bars are considered 'tacky'!"
Because as the hosts its up to you to provide for your guests when you invite them to your event. You wouldn't invite friends to dinner and then ask them to pay for the steak you're serving would you?
You entertain at the level you can afford. If that means a cake and punch reception, then that's what you do. You don't decide you want the bells and whistles but ask your guests to pay for them.
@Boston Bee: I agree! I always bring my own money when I go to weddings, better to be safe than sober..HA! 
@MsRMTiffany: I say do whatever you and FI are comfortable with, considering your families/friends and the customs of your area. As you can see, the WB has many different ideas on this. In some regions or circles it's entirely unheard of and 'tacky' (dislike that term), and in others it's the norm and expected. I'd just chat with FI about what you can afford (a champagne toast, some kegs, wine, etc) and decide from there if doing cash bar for hard alcohol is best for your wedding.
I do agree with one sentiment on the WB though- if you are doing a cash bar, ask if they accept credit cards and if guests can start tabs. It helps to eliminate the awkwardness of having to notify everyone to bring cash or not having everyone running to find an ATM.
My SIL had an open bar (beer, wine and champagne) for the cocktail hour but after that it turned to a cash bar. No one seemed to mind at all. You do what you feel is best. Only you know your guests. I don't go to a wedding to drink. I go to celebrate a marriage.
Also, I wouldn't ask my dinner guests to pay for the steak I am serving for dinner, but I might ask them to bring wine or beer. But maybe that is just how my group of friends work...
@lisa105: Of course I wouldn't ask them to pay for supper, but my guests would probably bring a bottle of wine.
Why don't you just limit it to wine + a champagne toast? You can add beer if you want to be really nice, but you don't have to have a full open bar. If your venue allows you to bring in your own alcohol, I bet it wouldn't cost that much for 40 people. You could even just go up to a certain $ amount of wine - after that, only soft drinks are available. I wouldn't switch to a cash bar - just provide it for as long as you can with what # of bottles you can afford, and have plenty of sodas, etc. for the entire night.
I realize you don't drink, but if you know your guests do, it's nice to have it for them because they want to celebrate - it's not that they go to your wedding for the booze - it's just that sometimes it's easier / more fun + festive to celebrate with a glass of wine.
Just do what is in your means to do. Don't do a cash bar. If you are confused whether it is a good idea or not, then it is not for you. Cash bar is one of those things that a couple can do if they have no doubts about hosting it. If you are feeling kind of guilty for thinking of doing it, then don't go that route. Get the wine and beer and be done with it.
I don't care what anyone else says, but we are having a cash bar and I don't feel bad about it. Here's my reasoning:
1) Where we are, it's not expected that we pay for everyone's drinks. I don't think anyone would be shocked to find out that there will be a cash bar (reading posts on here amazes me how different weddings are between countries/areas!!)
2) We cannot afford it. I AM NOT GOING INTO DEBT FOR SOMEONE TO GET DRUNK. I know FI friends can drink ALOT, and will definitely take advantage of an open bar (who wouldn't!?).
3) We talked about putting bottles of wine on the table, to at least contribute, but our caterers advised against it (if they open it and have one glass from the bottle, well that bottle is done, right? You have to pay the whole bottle price for that). I don't know if we will do drink tickets for a drink on us or not, my family is very anti-alcohol (should be interesting, haha), so their tickets would be a waste.
Moral of the story. Cash bars are great for guests, but I would never expect the hosts of a wedding to pay for my booze.
I agree with posters who said beer and wine (and champagne toast, if you want that) would be the best plan. You're already having beer, so I think wine is a natural addition (a lot of people don't drink beer). but if you can, don't have people pay for drinks...
Just do what is in your means to do. Don't do a cash bar. If you are confused whether it is a good idea or not, then it is not for you. Cash bar is one of those things that a couple can do if they have no doubts about hosting it. If you are feeling kind of guilty for thinking of doing it, then don't go that route. Get the wine and beer and be done with it.
I agree with others, there's nothing wrong with hosting a wine & beer bar. I know some people don't like cash bars, but for those in the crowd who feel like being picky and not wanting wine or beer maybe you can offer everything else as a cash bar if they'd like. But really, there's nothing wrong with just wine & beer. It's not like everytime you have guests over your home you have a full on bar out for them to have access to, ya know?
What about covering half the cost so its a minimal amount to your guests? That's what we're doing - "toonie" (2$) bar. I don't have the budget for your ass to get drunk;
We're also providing 2 bottles of wine per table for dinner. And I've never gone to a friends house for a party and not BYOB.
I have never been to a wedding with a full open bar but I have also never been asked to pay for drinks. Bars offering just wine and beer are perfectly fine, common, and way more affordable.
We are having a small wedding. A total of 25 guests. We are have a dinner at a nice cafe that offers a private room. They do serve wine and beer. We are not paying for it. We are on a limited budget and some of the guest will drink freely. We are only paying for cofee, tea and soda.
I didn't think twice about our choice. I'm doing a little card on the table listing what is on the buffet and will mention what drinks will be provided.
I definitely would not mind going to a wedding and paying to be able to drink what I want. For a long time, I would pretty much only drink mixed drinks. Even now, I am pretty particular on what wine I drink. I have never been to a wedding with a full open bar, and I have paid for many drinks at different weddings.
I have NEVER thought anything of it. I am so tired of hearing how tacky everything is. If you really have guests that are going to judge you based on your bar, leave them off the list!
Honestly people, please try to hammer your opinion down throats a little more gently!
Where I am from, and the people *I* know, cash bars are (gasps) NORMAL.
It is a "treat" to have an open bar at some.
We are doing a toonie bar following dinner after doing an open bar cocktail hour and wine on tables throughout dinner.
Go with what's doable :) I have the opportunity to do full open bar and still turned it down for wastage to be honest. $2 drinks make people a tad more responsible in terms of keeping track of their drink. No one is going to get any more/less drunk (lots of drinkers) with a $2 bar, but there will hopefully be fewer drinks left behind and forgotten all over the venue :)
What time of day is your wedding? If it's a brunch, you can easily get away with just a champagne toast (and maybe some mimosas with the food). For a casual, late afternoon wedding you can probably just serve beer. Otherwise, I agree with PPs that beer and wine are best.
Cash bars aren't frowned upon everywhere, but if you know that people in your area would take offense, I would avoid at all costs.
I agree with the PP who said that beer and wine bar is better than a cash bar. Im in the camp that you dont have your guests pay for their drinks. Yes, your guests might bring a bottle of wine or case of beer to a dinner you are hosting - in wedding terms wouldnt that be the gift you are geting from them? We did a full open bar all night. The only other weddings I have been to have been beer/wine open and beer/wine/limited liquor open - Ive never been to a wedding with a cash bar and I would be kind of bummed if I ended up at one because you are already paying so much as a wedding guest! In addition, we never carry cash so wed be kind of SOL in that department.
I won't be old enough to drink and FI hates all alcohol. We have a cash bar and anyone who says anything about it can shove it.
@MsRMTiffany: I personally don't think cash bars are a good idea. Maybe just do the least expensive beer/wine package available? That's what we decided to do because we couldn't afford a full bar, which is a bummer b/c neither one of us drinks beer or wine HA... but our lovely bridal party has volunteered to smuggle in mini bottles of alcohol for us :)
It's a regional thing as to whether cash bars are ok or not, and it's a little exhausting watching the same people comment negatively on these posts time and time again. I recommend a wine and beer only bar - cheaper, but still gives people some options. If you can't afford that, i'd go sans booze, but that's mostly because people in my social circle are anti-making guests pay for things. I, however, know that the sky will not fall and that the world will not blow up simply because you asked someone to cover their drink cost. Others on WB won't see it that way...
@puddingpop: Also, ignore lisa105, she spreads her hardfast doctrine about what is and isn't acceptable all over the site, usually far less politely than she did in this thread. Weddings aren't all black and white - I hope you figure out what works best for you guys! :-)
@crayfish: I don't spread "my" doctrine - its correct etiquette which others are free to follow or not as they see fit.
This may surprise you but many bridal couples want to be gracious, polite hosts and appreciate knowing the etiquette involved with weddings so they don't embarrass or shame themselves.
Open bars are customary here and receptions only last for 3 hours. My mom and dad bought alcohol for my sister's wedding and when it was gone it was gone, we left with some, but still. You could have a limited assortment like people have said, but I am one who thinks it is tacky to ask guest to pay for drinks. You are inviting guests. When you invite people to your house you do not ask them to pay for drinks do you? If you can't afford it don't have it and don't make your guests pay for it.
Maybe have a signiture drink or something iike that. Maybe only have a bar open for part of the time, but don't make your guests pay. No one goes to a wedding and brings cash. I know I don't. They already are buying you a gift.
And BTW, when you have an open bar you pay per person not per drink, so it may not be that bad, atleast here you do.
We didn't have a full bar at our wedding, but we provided beer and wine (still and sparkling). We opted out of serving harder liquor, but I don't think it's incredibly bad to let people pay for their own if you want to serve it but can't afford it, but we didn't want guests to have to pay for anything once we were hosting them (and we couldn't afford mixed drinks/hard alcohol on top of that, so we didn't offer it). I do think that you need to provide something for people to drink with dinner, and that an easy solution is to put a couple of bottles of wine at each table. No one expects a $40 bottle of wine, either; this doesn't have to cost a lot. As long as you cover that, I don't think it's such a terrible thing to have a cash bar for extras if people *really* want to drink, but I don't think it's the *best* solution obviously, since I opted out... ;)
I'm just curious... what is the difference between going sans alcohol and allowing your guests the option of purchasing their own alcohol. I personally am a social drinker, and like to have a couple drinks at a celebration. I would much rather you give me the option to pay for my own drink then not have a drink at all. You aren't asking them to pay for their own refreshments, you are providing food/non-alch beverages. So if they want to have a beer/mixed drink, they can, if not, they don't. You are being courteous by allowing people an option if they choose to take it.
I'm jumping on the beer and wine bandwagon! We did beer, wine, and two cocktails and everybody was happy as a clam. t doesn't have to be expensive by any means! But if you know all your guests will drink only beer, then providing beer is okay, too.
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